I like the new intro better than the previous one, and I'm looking forward to where it goes next. I for one am happy you chose to give the MC his own character illustration (outside of CGs).
(Edited to add more general thoughts before the nitpick).
I do have one spoiler-y nitpick:
SPOILERS
The 4th wall joke about a certain genre in a certain scene felt really jarring and broke the scene's tension, without a proper payoff. The true payoff to that scene is what happens right after the 4th wall joke, but the joke lessens its impact on the reader since the joke's only apparent purpose is to distract with commentary.
This is not to say you can't have jokes at the end of a tense scene, this happens elsewhere in this build, and I don't have an issue with those - but it's all about timing. That 4th wall joke, to me, had bad timing.