itch.io

Going through the game again I stumbled upon a bug:
All dialogue options after the cast introduce themselves on the ship are greyed out. Leaving only "Go for a smoke", which in previous builds shows up after talking. 

I like the new intro better than the previous one, and I'm looking forward to where it goes next. I for one am happy you chose to give the MC his own character illustration (outside of CGs). 

(Edited to add more general thoughts before the nitpick).

I do have one spoiler-y nitpick:

SPOILERS

The 4th wall joke about a certain genre in a certain scene felt really jarring and broke the scene's tension, without a proper payoff. The true payoff to that scene is what happens right after the 4th wall joke, but the joke lessens its impact on the reader since the joke's only apparent purpose is to distract with commentary. 

This is not to say you can't have jokes at the end of a tense scene, this happens elsewhere in this build, and I don't have an issue with those - but it's all about timing. That 4th wall joke, to me, had bad timing. 

So far, so good. I'm liking Ed and El a lot, and Anna is likeable so far. The pacing has been very refreshing; slow when it needs to be, and quick when the scene demands it. 

Chapter 3 had me at the edge of my seat. Looking forward to chapter 4 and I hope this game reaches its conclusion, because I for one am invested in the characters now. 

I do have one nitpicky comment though:
The inclusion of the "adventurer's guild" and its ranks doesn't do much for the story or the characters. I know it can be a useful shorthand, but so far it only reminded me of how overused it is.

Very fun read and looking forward to future updates. 

I quite like the balance between serious moments and humor. 

The FVN wiki page just updated with the ability to add a download link (like google drive, dropbox etc). You could have the SFW version on itch, and the NSFW version (down the line) on your patreon and later on FVN.li

Constructive criticism time! (Beware of SPOILERS beyond the 1st paragraph.)
Also I apologize in advance for the wall of text.
Opinions about the build and story at the bottom.

I do like different line transitions, and when the author of a VN plays with the text, but one of the effects added in the 2nd build were in my opinion used too frequently in the latest build. Specifically the text sliding in. 
It was in my opinion used too often for it to have an impact when used in later instances in the build. Though that could simply be due to misplaced expectations due to how rare other text-effects have been used so far. 

Another critique I have is that some of the information leading to the outburst felt too sudden. To clarify: I'm not critiquing the outburst itself - as it seems to be written to set some expectations about the MC's mental state going forward. I'm talking about the reveal during the shopping, that ultimately led to it. 
I'm going to reference one of my all time favorite authors here, on how he does these reveals in a way that both foreshadows it, yet hides it till the "reveal": Brandon Sanderson. One thing he excels at is giving information that is the cornerstone for a later reveal or twist, distracts the reader with everything else going on, then later reveals the twist built on that information. Making the reveal a moment of "I should have seen that coming, but I didn't!"

One minimalistic way this could be applied to this case (though I'm no author, and your artistic vision trumps anything any of us say, so feel free to ignore this bit):
-SPOILER-

- Reveal the information about the MC's salary early (somewhere within build 1's content). But not the context. Aka, the amount or standard, but not how much that covers in his new home. Perhaps even a line stating that it's a very decent, perhaps even good salary (on Titan). Maybe better than what he had to live off before.

The rest of the information revealed in that part of the build I feel don't necessarily need more foreshadowing, as they are tied to that little piece of information, and his mental state.

----

Now for my opinions on this build (and the story so far):
I'm so far really enjoying this story. Since it's very early in development I'm assuming there will be more sprites for minor NPCs arriving as this game develops?
The improved background for the dorm room is very much appreciated, especially now that it has two beds. 
One thing that kept pleasantly surprising me throughout the build was the length. I've played too many ongoing VNs, so I was expecting the build to end at several spots, just for it to oh so joyously continue. 
-SPOILER-

I didn't suspect that the MC and Kai's relationship would go the way it did as fast as it did, and I personally like it. Though I must say, the club scene gave me some serious second hand embarrassment.

A pretty good start, and longer than I expected from a first build. Looking forward to where this goes.

Also kudos to having a shower scene that actually had meaning later. I felt my eyes roll back in my skull when it came, then was very pleasantly surprised when it had meaning later. 

This is a normal issue with RenPy based games that are in active development, and there isn't a solution. 

The error comes from a conflict between the version of RenPy used for the old save, and the new version used in the new update. 

If you, like me, saved right when the last build ended, you need to load a save from an earlier scene. 

This is unfortunately quite common in Renpy-based games as they get updated.

I see, thought there would be more considering the file size.

Looking forward to the first chapter.

Either the game is literally less than a minute in length, or it's buggy.

I get sent back to the title screen after the screen where the main character considers waking up his roommate. 

A shame, but understandable, considering the amount of work.

The voice acting was for the most part pretty solid, considering this is an indie-game (aka. not a big budget). Most other indie-games with voice acting I tend to mute since they often are over-acted.

As good as the tune in the intro is, I must give a warning: it is not public domain - it's the intro song to The Last Story Wii-game (a pretty good game with fantastic music).

As you can see from the update history, it's sporadic. Aka when ready. Usually a full chapter is released for one of the three routes at a time.

According to his patreon the game is on hiatus due to his house getting drenched in the typhoon, as well as a general lack of electricity to the house. So it's anyone's guess when he (and his house) has recovered enough to work on the novel.

I can't seem to find the way to the tent, only found the spots you can observe it from. Even tried to see if there's a path from the jungle. Any hints would be welcome.

With that said, really fun game, I have to pace myself so I don't tire of the game before it's completed. It is also quite refreshing to see how quickly things get patched, rather than having to wait for a full update for bugs to get fixed. Keep up the good work!