Constructive criticism time! (Beware of SPOILERS beyond the 1st paragraph.)
Also I apologize in advance for the wall of text.
Opinions about the build and story at the bottom.
I do like different line transitions, and when the author of a VN plays with the text, but one of the effects added in the 2nd build were in my opinion used too frequently in the latest build. Specifically the text sliding in.
It was in my opinion used too often for it to have an impact when used in later instances in the build. Though that could simply be due to misplaced expectations due to how rare other text-effects have been used so far.
Another critique I have is that some of the information leading to the outburst felt too sudden. To clarify: I'm not critiquing the outburst itself - as it seems to be written to set some expectations about the MC's mental state going forward. I'm talking about the reveal during the shopping, that ultimately led to it.
I'm going to reference one of my all time favorite authors here, on how he does these reveals in a way that both foreshadows it, yet hides it till the "reveal": Brandon Sanderson. One thing he excels at is giving information that is the cornerstone for a later reveal or twist, distracts the reader with everything else going on, then later reveals the twist built on that information. Making the reveal a moment of "I should have seen that coming, but I didn't!"
One minimalistic way this could be applied to this case (though I'm no author, and your artistic vision trumps anything any of us say, so feel free to ignore this bit):
-SPOILER-
- Reveal the information about the MC's salary early (somewhere within build 1's content). But not the context. Aka, the amount or standard, but not how much that covers in his new home. Perhaps even a line stating that it's a very decent, perhaps even good salary (on Titan). Maybe better than what he had to live off before.
The rest of the information revealed in that part of the build I feel don't necessarily need more foreshadowing, as they are tied to that little piece of information, and his mental state.
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Now for my opinions on this build (and the story so far):
I'm so far really enjoying this story. Since it's very early in development I'm assuming there will be more sprites for minor NPCs arriving as this game develops?
The improved background for the dorm room is very much appreciated, especially now that it has two beds.
One thing that kept pleasantly surprising me throughout the build was the length. I've played too many ongoing VNs, so I was expecting the build to end at several spots, just for it to oh so joyously continue.
-SPOILER-
I didn't suspect that the MC and Kai's relationship would go the way it did as fast as it did, and I personally like it. Though I must say, the club scene gave me some serious second hand embarrassment.