itch.io

Man personally I'm really keen on finding out how the Havoc got stuck in there in the first place

Cool story!

The switch-up at the end is jarring, but works in its way. I'm curious why the sword has itself just in the pit instead of leading a warband elsewhere--does the sword only wish to eat, and not care about anything else?

Very Comedy of Errors in a way. Could see this sort of story being done as a radio show, or a short stage adaptation with a very frazzled gunner.

Ooh, very fun ending. You can guess that SOMETHING is up with the amulet from the get-go, but for it to be THAT bad was entirely unexpected, but totally fits. I bet a certain OPR epic mini is missing something important to them.

I like how alien you've made Scourge feel while simultaneously making us aware of how alien daemons view us. The ending, wishing they could but being unable to share their epiphany with the one being it would make a difference to, is poignant for such a short story.

Peak melancholy. I almost wish we hadn't seen if the rune had gone out or not, and only knew his rage at the problem before him, but that's the only critique that comes to mind and really that's mostly personal preference. Very good showing.

There's a really good idea, just a bit tangled up in the action at the beginning. Your dictation of the conflict is fun, but purely to save space you could start the story immediately after Corawen has rebuked the elders and is searching for the answer to her impossible riddle. That would make the brutality of her end more of a surprise, followed by falling action in the form of the trees carrying their payload unknowingly. 

I'm left wondering where our friend Wallace is! Cracking good time though, and knowing rat ingenuity perhaps we can see a team-up in the future where they go see if the moon truly is made of cheese.

There are a few minor edits for grammar that could be made, and the dialogue crunch has been happening to a lot of people with the one page limit, but other than that this is an interesting look at how divergent rat culture becomes even if it only focuses on one specific clan. There is a feeling of being on the edge of a paradigm shift, and I'm curious what's on the other side.

The dialogue fleshes out each individual in good time for the word limit which is great, but clustering them all into single paragraphs does make parsing them a little difficult. 

Does the HH in your mood board's window mean anything?

A reflective piece, some sections meander and lose a bit of clarity but otherwise it's a sad, quiet moment that's been captured.

A good look at the early moments of the revolution. Could use a few edits for sentence structure and there's a funny typo later in the story (the idea of robots flattering her then tearing her apart is very amusing) but overall the story scales from apathy to dread nicely.

A few grammar mistakes, and the dialogue is a bit iffy, but a good story about shell shock and resolve. A little on the nose having impossible in both the title AND the story, but the destruction present and youth of the rat make it just about work.

Also I see you fellow rat fan having people tell their rats stories about heroes, heck yeah

Good descriptive work, maybe it's a coincidence but the use of "prompting" when trying to get something useful out of his device reminded me of AI slop merchants thematically. He's ALSO willing to damn things to have his special toy function!

I love stories that break OPR away from the GW lore that it was birthed from, and this one really seems to nail that using the lore we have for the factions. The dark elves have grit, but hope, and it's nice to see. There are a few sentences that read a little wonky, but overall this was a great read and the save at the end doesn't evoke deus ex machina like a lot of other works have. Raiders and bikers go hand in hand.

An easy read in the best way. The concept is fantastic, I love the exploration of prophecy vs free will. It makes you wonder how many other Saurians might have experienced the same thing, but are just flying by the seat of their pants.

Ooh, I loved this. A giant whale as a comedy utensil gives me Monty Python meets Hitchhiker vibes, though there could be some editing done for a smoother ride. There's overuse of the word "swarm" as well, but after a while it became a bit of an absurdity and I was smiling the whole time.

It's very obvious what the reveal is from the moment the curtains are mentioned, but I think that really helps the story that you've told. There's a sense of dread and finality that hangs over both Raina and Gerrick that neither can escape, and Raina's faltering denial fighting with her regret makes that thematic impossibility really work. I'd say the ending really seals the doom BECAUSE it's bloodless. She'll know Gerrick is out there, but nothing can ever happen.

The AI art makes reviewing this difficult, but a havoc incursion being stopped by sisters is usually fun. 

The dialogue could use some editing and there are a few sentences here and there that could be rearranged, but as mk812 said below your description of spell casting was quite cool. 

It's a very familiar story, but you spice it up with the corrupted bureaucracy that allows her to do the things she does. The scale of her actions also fits very nicely with Grimdark.

The combat was well written! The story doesn't really feel like it fits into the "impossible" theming though. The lone Custodian soldier comes up with a very simple plan and executes it flawlessly while slaughtering a number of Sisters units, which again is very nicely written but does seem more like an impossibility for the Sisters rather than the Custodian. His undoing honestly feels out of character you presented in the first part, and leaves me wondering "why would he do that?"

The sudden emotion at the end feels a little inexplicable, but there's a good core here! It reads as something like lecture vs lab, studying vs experience, that could really be expanded on.

The ideas presented are fascinating, they could just use some minor editing for flow. There's a very ethereal, ghost in the machine aspect to the repair bot going back and forth which I do really like, but the phrasing leaves the ghost a little cramped. The n +/- breaks are a cool idea, but don't feel fully executed.

Your story brings up a lot of questions that are fun to consider. How does a being of pure wrath birth something that can feel anything else? What could a being of wrath experience to make them contemplative? How much risk does Wrath allow in letting this happen? Very fun thought experiment.

The trio of guards tossing out ideas for HOW the halfling was going to kill the giant was quite amusing, and you were quick with your characterization of each with only a thousand words. With a few editing passes (mostly for grammar and clarity) and maybe another draft, I think you'd have something really fun! It could easily fit in a lore blurb.

Uploading a PDF version! Sorry about that!

On it! Sorry about that, I completely forgot Open Office could export as a PDF. 

This is peak unlikely allies--agents of havoc, about as true a villain as the setting has without getting in to Your Dudes territory, being trusted because there really isn't any other option. Definitely a jam topper.

I dig the unlikely allies angle coming from the protagonist having to fast talk her way into the cultist's good graces.  Also, for those questioning the alliance, the first paragraph states that robot legions interrupted the fighting, not that the protag would be killing more DAO soldiers. As for the pronoun verification, on the one hand I appreciate the inclusion but on the other I feel like it could have been included a bit more smoothly.

That's a fantastic point, I got wrapped up in the avatar core bit and just dropping something about "odd energy signatures" while the elves were "extended too far to turn back" or something like that would have done a world of good. Thanks a ton!
Also that's two people saying it has an Artemis Fowl feel and I never read the books XD

In retrospect I totally see what you mean about the factions themselves being logical allies when you look at the fluff, even if there probably are robot legions and DER kabals who don't trust each other. Scales of grey, right? I'd hoped the idea of the Elven noble superiority might play up the idea of the upper class thinking it would be unlikely that the lower classes would actually band together--playing in to class power coming partially from pitting those lower than your own against each other.

Hell yeah fellow rat fan, definitely one of the favorites of the jam
(Jerma references are also a +2)