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Jackyackyaki

15
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A member registered 34 days ago · View creator page →

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I loved the little excerpts from in-universe books added to the story, it gives context to how the surviving members of the High Elf Fleets felt about his attempt to genocide what was left of his race, as well as allowing us, the reader, to realize that people in the universe saw him as an influential figure who ultimately went insane. It evokes ideas similar to Aleksandr Kerensky of Battletech fame, although if he had taken a darker road.

While I haven't delved much into the world of Age of Fantasy, I still was able to enjoy the showcase of the more grimdark themes within, the vagueness of why these people are committed to the extra violence and the sabotaging of great work evokes the idea that there's no actual reason for the violence, or at least no actual reason beyond violence for the sake of it.

A wonderful piece, with a wonderful flow that gradually unraveled the situation that Alenzio had found himself in, as well as the gradual taking over that the blood of the Countess had, written in the way that showcases how addictive the vampire's blood is. It evokes similar imagery as to ghouls from Vampire: The Masquerade, similarly blood-addicted mortals who benefit greatly from drinking it. This one is among some of my favorite entries.

A wonderful piece, with a wonderful flow that gradually unraveled the situation that Alenzio had found himself in, as well as the gradual taking over that the blood of the Countess had, written in the way that showcases how addictive the vampire's blood is. It evokes similar imagery as to ghouls from Vampire: The Masquerade, similarly blood-addicted mortals who benefit greatly from drinking it. This one is among some of my favorite entries.

I enjoyed how you treated the inquisitor as more a boots-on-the-ground investigator, working with lower-level officials. You also handled the theme well and made the consequences very easy to see. The dialogue felt clunky at times, and I wished there was more to the ending, such as and expansion on the details of the nuclear impact, or at least a sentence describing the search for details. Overall, the only issues I had are ones that can easily be fixed with more practice in writing, keep it up!

A wonderful writing, with a perfect end and a more dystopian take on the grimdarkness of the setting. I'm always a fan of human-alien friendships in stories, and the ending made my heart sink for a character that I barely knew. Lovely work!

While I'm not usually a fan of the flow-of-consciousness style of writing, I was able to enjoy the narrative of the story through the subjective view of a grunt, who's view of this conflict portrays (rather accurately, judging by the stories that former members of the armed forces have told me) how the average soldier would view their job. It's a certainly grimdark story, fighting over an item not for any particular purpose, but instead just to deny the enemy the satisfaction of having it. Overall, I enjoyed it!

While I'm not usually a fan of the flow-of-consciousness style of writing, I was able to enjoy the narrative of the story through the subjective view of a grunt, who's view of this conflict portrays (rather accurately, judging by the stories that former members of the armed forces have told me) how the average soldier would view their job. It's a certainly grimdark story, fighting over an item not for any particular purpose, but instead just to deny the enemy the satisfaction of having it. Overall, I enjoyed it!

The writing felt cluttered and rushed towards the end, which is an issue that I felt came from the heavy usage of speaking characters within the work. Other than that, you worked very hard to fit the theme into the story. It felt a little forced at times, but with the word limit and theme being so broad for this jam, I totally understand why one would work to really push the message behind the story.

Wonderful writing, with a narrative that was perfect for the word limit of the contest. I felt like the vocabulary used at times was clinging on a bit too closely to that of 40k, and certainly could have used a quick pass over to revise those terms out. I also didn't see too much adherence to the theme, though I had also felt the theme itself was rather vague, so I'm not judging that area too harshly. Overall, I loved your work!

I echo the sentiments of SupNerds. The title itself is very clever, and your story left me wanting to know more about the Azuren Blades and how they ended up in this last suicidal blaze of glory, but the work itself is presented in a way that echos more 40k than the world of Grimdark Future. This is especially felt in how the inquisition is handled in your story, acting more as an authoritative unit instead of the more secretive and decentralized band of vigilantes that OPR has built them as.

While I enjoyed the quips and unexpectedly jovial tone of the story, I fear that I'm wanting for context that the story is ultimately unable to provide. Rather than reading a short story, I feel like I'm instead reading an excerpt from a larger work, which creates a jarring story that ends abruptly without any sort of climax or actual story having occurred within it.

Among the best starts I've read! A clear and clever cleaving of the factions from how they were presented in certain other forms of media, and is a very lovely reflection of OPR's universe in comparison to it's contemporaries. This isn't to say that it's lost the plot. It certainly showcases the grim and dark aspects of the Sirius Sector, and the irreparable loss and destruction that serves as a cornerstone of grimdark settings.

Your ability to thoroughly entrench a consistent personality that just screams "Dickish Vampire Noble" throughout the whole story is amazing. The first person perspective of a memoir fits a narrative of his final thoughts, and is an excellent portrayal of his retrospection on what lead him to his fate. Any complaints I could have would only be nitpicks. This was a wonderful story, bravo!

Fascinating concept that fits the theme of the contest perfectly! What few lines the characters spoke helped establish a depth of personality, and having them become aware of just how long they've been trapped in this loop at the end sent chills down my spine. My only criticisms were that of flow, a revision pass and some editing would have done wonders for the flow of the story, as some of the paragraph's endings feel abrupt when read over.