Love this straight forward and easy to use critique style. Thank you so much for the time and feedback!
Cydmin7
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I don't have any personal experience with thematic or mechanical memory manipulation in RPGs because it requires so much buy-in from players, so I wont comment much on that aspect. Mostly I'll focus on the visuals of the module.
The representation of the phantoms on page 4 is an excellent way to show a reader exactly what the creatures look like without needing lengthy and overly complicated explanations. And the symbols on the final page also look great. I can perfectly imagine laying these out in front of players and evoking curiosity immediately and drawing people into wanting to interact with them. Fantastic invitations to play, both of them. The maps are simple and clean, they leave little room for misinterpretation with clear labeling and make it very easy to visualize the spaces. I just wish more of the module brought as much visual clarity and interest. Bullet points and list formatting own so much space on the pages and creates a lot of waste and blank area. I can see in my mind with just a little tweaking of the image sizes and text structuring being able to let it all come together into something really striking and delightful to read.
I don't have any personal experience with thematic or mechanical memory manipulation in RPGs because it requires so much buy-in from players, so I wont comment much on that aspect. Mostly I'll focus on the visuals of the module.
The representation of the phantoms on page 4 is an excellent way to show a reader exactly what the creatures look like without needing lengthy and overly complicated explanations. And the symbols on the final page also look great. I can perfectly imagine laying these out in front of players and evoking curiosity immediately and drawing people into wanting to interact with them. Fantastic invitations to play, both of them. The maps are simple and clean, they leave little room for misinterpretation with clear labeling and make it very easy to visualize the spaces. I just wish more of the module brought as much visual clarity and interest. Bullet points and list formatting own so much space on the pages and creates a lot of waste and blank area. I can see in my mind with just a little tweaking of the image sizes and text structuring being able to let it all come together into something really striking and delightful to read.
I can see what you mean. I'll play with it a bit, could add a little balance to the second page if every room title has a symbol on both sides.
I forgot to mention the randomized corpses in rooms, but the intention is to add some slight replayability and an extra opportunity for the monster to appear even if the players never interact with the smaller cargo room that acts something like a lair. I think corpses appearing in places that feel weird gives people more to wonder about, like why is somebody else stuffed in Conrad's cabin? Maybe the monster was hiding a body, maybe somebody got cornered frantically trying to hide, maybe the dice line up and put Conrad in there so it just makes sense. I can see how it could make for some awkward interactions though, like finding two sets of spare keys in the cabins or the first aid key sitting right next to the locked box, but I'm not sure how to remedy that without assigning every body to a room and doing away with the mix-up entirely. I guess that might just have to be left to a Warden's discretion to fudge some things for their own game, which I don't love, but I'm certainly open to ideas on changes to the topic.
Thanks so much for the helpful review of the pages! I've added an image of the second page to finish up the Power room description in an above comment, but will be making the fixes to the project files once they are editable after voting. I was wondering if referencing a forward airlock was enough, but with your recommendation I will definitely add a better clarification with something pointing to the right-most airlock on the map. It was somewhat intentional to have text boxes uncomfortably close or overlapping slightly to lean into the feel of a console with error windows or alerts appearing, but I may have gone too far and made it just look unfinished or not gone far enough to really drive the idea home. If you have any thoughts on if I should push it harder with more flavor text getting cut off in other places or pull it back and just make it look cleaner in those areas I'd love to hear them!
Thank you so much for the read up and recommendations. I've fixed up the item highlight and repaired the readability of the Power room entry in an above comment, but will make the fixes to the project once it is editable again. For the hazardous environments it is meant to be assumed that basically anywhere without a "scripted" event like finding the monster or a body there is always a chance of something happening. Do you think it is a little too vague with just the Hazardous Environment Warden note paired with the chart?
Edits to the entry have been disabled as voting begins, however I would like to provide a small update thanks to the wonderful critiques everyone has given. Here is the second page with the mentioned fixes to HANDHELD CONSOLE and the Power room for anyone interested. Once voting is complete I will be fixing it in the project files, so please check back soon! Thank you all for the wonderful comments and very helpful critiques!
I'll work on cleaning up the key, I can see how it could cause some extra searching for information. The cargo cutout is more just to show the layout of how walkways and containers are positioned in the room but I can absolutely see the mistake in using the same symbol as corpses, good shout on that and it will be remedied.
Thank you for giving it a look and some feedback, its really appreciated. I've also added some more printer friendly versions.
A joy to read and a refreshing take on the AI gone wrong trope. Always a joy to see one who uses their programming creatively and dangerously without boiling down to just killing everyone. The pages look fantastic and the map is a great touch that lets everything intuitive and easy to run. Can't wait to get this one printed and added to the backlog!
A cute game you could play by yourself for 20 minutes and come out with a funny bad-luck weekend short story. Not much for the eyes (as intended, which is good), it could lean more into that patient info leaflet feeling with some colored text for highlights and an imaginary Dr's office logo. I think something could be done to push into the side effects of the medicine, as at the moment the game feels like it only addresses symptoms of the disease.
Overall nice, I might play this during my break at work today.
Pretty straight forward and understandable corporate intrigue mission with opportunity for stealth segments and social investigation. Its not too often you see these slower, non-combat focused adventures that let players flex their roleplay muscles and I think the world of RPGs could use more of those. The layout is easy enough to follow and lets a referee flip between NPCs, area descriptions and the chain of events without too much effort. These sections could be made more distinguished with images or more pronounced headers and the potential encounters at the end of page five could use a box or something to separate it from the main text body, but its manageable after just one read through. I also feel the sources for the NPC's in potential encounters isn't very helpful in a one-shot. It seems to expect outside knowledge or encourage having a history in this world of Roslov's adventures that I don't think feels very good if this is meant to stand on its own and be contained to one mission.
With a drama oriented group I could see this being good fun though. Lots of opportunity for player characters that wouldn't work in most rpg's, moments to play as a snooty aristocrat type, smooth detective or even a disillusioned brand fan. A referee only has to manage a handful of NPCs with some decent range of archetypes and for the most part wont need to worry about stats and number tracking.
