I'm afraid if I say what it is I'll jinx myself and go to point of hard return
uhhh I didn't eat at all yesterday, day before I ate once and it wasnt that much.
today doesn't feel like a good day either, but I don't know if I can really do that?
I dunno. Maybe its just cause ik Christmas is coming up and I don't wanna not eat at Christmas so I'm like preparing?? idfk
but its not that I don't want to eat, its that I physically can't.
And I want so badly to be able to talk about it but I can't because nobody can understand that I can't eat, that my body will reject it, that it will make it worse than it is now and I can't just force it.
Its like my stomach is sending signals to my brain and its just laughing and saying no thank you.
also I uhh wrote some letters for J on Aletheia Library on Roblox and I think I'm gonna continue to put more
she did uhh read them..
and she's still here sooooooooo..
and then I woke up to text messages..
I might have had to be resucitated istg
I'm going to her house tmrw I'm nervous but also like idk
also she's allergic to cats so I have to lint roll myself even though I washed what I was gonna wear TWICE all the way down to my socks which is insane and I put them away from the cats too but just as a precaution ig
my stepdad had to have me install and entire app on my computer bc my audio/mic wasnt working and I couldn't fix it and he had to uninstall and reinstall smth this started at 8:31
unfortunately i have a crush on this kid in my class uhm we're like best friends now she isnt really friends with a whole lot of people but yeah
what makes this unfortunate is that I have a boyfriend, who I had a VERY long situationship with until about a month ago but we're drifting apart and he keeps getting his phone taken and stuff
so I went and spent it somewhere else and now im calling amazon to try and fix this problem bc I need a billing statement but I dont have one because its a GIFT CARD.
i'm talking to this other guy who I will name his name is Pedro anyways hes so fine he has curly hair its always something about curly hair that does it for me
I guess I should also do like an update ig?? Ok so, boy updates first
Prom Boy: Started dating 4/8, stopped 5/9 LITERALLY A MONTH LATER bc he was moving back to colorado and didnt wanna do long distance
Tall Boy: Ok so w him is complicated cuz like I think its a situationship idk we text everyday and play roblox tgth and he calls them dates and he also calls me like baby and stuff so???
Other Boys: I found a couple of boys a while back but none of them stuck around long its so weird to have been technically single for months.
Okay uhh life updates ig?
Graduated middle school finally so I'm out of that torture chamber
I'm in EC (early college) which is different from dual enrollment bc I do college classes all through hs instead of starting junior year and I graduate with an associates and my hs diploma so thats cool
I havent sh since feb 22nd, which is good
Uhh I started writing books again
I got super into poetry
I finally got a computer which is what im typing this on and I can finally play sims
finally got the autism diagnosis
finally got the adhd diagnosis
uhhhh
oh i developed and ED yet again and its like still here but idk I just lowkey hate my body I was 160 lbs and in the past month I've dropped to 120 but in the first 5 days I went from 160-140 so that was crazy uhm and then it started dropping slower and its kinda pissing me off
oh I got a new dog
we had to put my other dog down, Mitzi, she was 14 and got sick, like nothing we couldve done wouldve saved her so.
yeah
anyways uhhh im finally like filling my closet with my style
so hopefully that goes well
oh im sick rn I had to leave school early yesterday and then I didnt go today
I started an outfit/grwm pinterest acc but I'm afraid to post a lot because I used to spam post when I had YT (if anyone actually reads this, dont ask for it bc I took all my videos down, there was over 1k.) and I lost like a lot of subs but I was halfway to a thousand at some point
Idk if its on my solo.to but I have a therian insta aswell Im not very active tho rip
prom was good, today was not. my mom went thru my phone n didnt like me being on here and shut it dowm. this post is a major risk. i wont post for a while, or often if I do. prob wont hear from me for a while. earliest at a month. latest, a year.
but then I told him I cant kiss him no more unless we date but I already knew he needed time and told him why I cant and he was super understanding I love him
