The creativity of this one is unmatched: I love your dedication to breathing life into this starting idea until it becomes a believable and coherent alternate reality. I wish more people read this story, just so I could use "WHY WON'T HE TWAIN" as a meme and be understood. And in terms of mastery of Ren'py, Unage remains in a league of his own.
The story on its own is a bit too direct and simplistic though, so I'm afraid that if the story stretches for too long, the novelty of the good worldbuilding will eventually wear off. My advice would be to keep it short and sweet!