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Don't apologize I thaught maybe I wrote too much and misjudged you, that's all. :)

Nothing wrong with guinea pigs. We had some too, they all died. All of our pets died through “paranormal circumstances“ ... This is another story for itself though^ Now we have a healthy dog (names Ultimo - Timo) who has a very bad behaviour and character. He is shy, but dominant and more...

You know your comment is actually very funny. We are more similar than you thaught (besides our gender). I am also autistic. I mean I have ADD or HDAS (or how it's called in English) and “a little bit autism“ too. You may be right that the “I don't care part“ comes from it.

 I even was a victim of bullies at school back then (I left school after 11th  grade after the start of the 12th grade simply because of dump people...) and after that an outsider, more or less, all the time. I had some pretty depressing days... :/

You know when having a disorder means you are different, than the rest, then I take it. I like being “not normal“, if that makes sence.

The only good thing about school was that it truly made me stronger and more confident. I was very shy, so I started building up muscles (I was more the skinny person), but not in the gym, because I hate it. First I trained at home, later with weights too, but then Calisthenics turned out to be the best idea, it feels more healthy and natural.

You are very lucky to have found a partner even if it wasn't for long and meant to be. I didn't have as much luck. I am happy for you that you came out, but I can't believe how they couldn't believe you. That's just... Idk what to say...

To have a crush on someone can be a problem, am I right ;/

I like this word apprehensive. Although I don't think it matches my feelings. It's like this: I don't think being gay is wrong and I know what is written in the bible (I didn't fully read it, but I heared stories at our “local community“ (google translator) which is like a church just more open), but if that means I have to change in that case I don't want to believe, like a Christian. Why because I still think there's something or god. (I heared so much about wonders and such that I believe in a way (not only because of that) If rescue (book epiphany, I believe) means not everyone can be saved I don't want that it's me who gets saved. Especially if it's non of the gay guys/girls. Doom me, idc! 

Here another funny thing about me: My first name is even Christian, you pronounce it different though..

And yes the question after your identity is very important.

Well Bara or Yaoi? I honestly would say Yaoi is more feminine than Bara which characters are build with tons of muscles. I could be mistaken.

Btw. Have you watched the video about Adams coming out story? Something in his story is really messed up, inhumane.

I hope you have time reading through all this. I have time, apparently, until next month. 

I have to apologize for my bad build sentences, but if I would think about them more it would take ages to write all of this text.

Believe me, you're not the first person I've spoken to online who's English isn't the best. Hell, most Americans have crappy English. 

I'm not a fan of watching videos on my phone, so I honestly didn't. 

You're right about the difference between bara and yaoi. Yaoi is created by women for girls/women. Bara is created by men for boys/men. That's why yaoi has a more effeminate appearance to the characters (though I do love some yaoi manga).

I do believe in Jesus being God the Savior, however I don't believe he's as hateful as many Christians make him out to be. When condemning gays, they always quote the Old Testament, because there's nothing about homosexuality being wrong in the New Testament. I believe after Jesus was born on Earth, he became more compassionate. He understood better what being human was.

I mean, the entire Christian Bible was written 60 years after the events transpired, translated multiple times eventually to English, and the Catholic Church removed Books and changed Scripture to better support their own beliefs. So I take the Bible's sayings with a grain of salt.

I also like what Amy Farrah Fowler says in Big Bang Theory (the tv show), "I don't object the idea of a higher power, but I'm baffled by one that takes attendance." My own beliefs on going to church.

They just didn't want to believe I was gay. Parents get this idea in their heads about who they want their children to grow up to be, and there's this dissonance that happens when their kids grow up and become their own person. That was very obvious in my family. My mom wanted me to be a girly girl, but I never have been.

The girl I've been most interested in lately hasn't been talking to me much. She lives in England. I've been missing the hell out of her.

Let's see... I was homeschooled, so I wasn't bullied. I also wasn't diagnosed until I was 22, which was a blessing because my parents didn't treat me like an invalid. Too many parents find out about a disability and decide they should be extra careful with their kid, it's ridiculous.

My second cousin is around 8 now, has autism, and his mom has been way too lenient on him because of it. 

I hope my guinea pigs don't die of paranormal circumstances... I've only had them a few weeks. They're my first rodents, but they have so much personality.

Whiskey is a pig, he eats constantly and begs for food all the time. He's also a grumpy old man... Though he's not that old, he's only like 2.

Buck is a shy sweetheart. He's starting to get used to me picking him up. 

They get transferred from my room to their living room cages everyday, so they can socialize a lot.

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I write more in your language than mine, because I don't really have anyone to talk to, it's a shame since I am not a bad (boy) person in general. It's just that all the teens of our “church“ knew themselfs for a long time (No one of our family was born here) and do always stuff together. They also live closer to each other. 

And yes they are more open towards people than Idk other people, but not as much as you would like to think. I guess not being open towards strangers/other people is a bad habit of us germans...

It's a curse that so many human beings are full off prejudices. Not only from one nation to another, but within a country.

I watch on my phone all the time so the Huawei Mate X folding phone or Galaxy Fold would be perfect for me. Looking on the price though I decline. Even if you aren't poor you should still know that price is ridiculous.

I like your opinion about believing. Still I am unsure if it's that easy, because there's one line in the bible where it says “god never changes“ so... I do have hope though and as I said I don't wanna change.

Are you somwhat stuck with gay VN's and stuff? Is there not enough selection for homosexuell girls...? It can't be, right? But if so terrible, very unfair and unequal in terms of equal rights!  Or is love for you a general thing and you don't different the gender and sexuality? 

Yeah parents are always concerned about their children. I mean they should be, but in a loving and understanding way. When I was younger I had to take medicine (pills) to control “my power“ (I love sarcasm). They made me tired and weren't good overall. Okay, they calmed me down and that's the only good thing..

(Poor 8 year old...!)

When I had an ebook I downloaded free gay books and because I used my parents email they found out. My dad then told me that he had the same kind of problem, when he was young and said that I will turn straight, when I believe, I think. I guess my dad was so devastated that his believe grew so strong that he turned straight. I have no idea how or why, but it happend. 

My parents were luckily not as shocked as I thaught they would be after this “enlightenment". I then destroyed my ebook and I am since then very careful. I dont know if they still think I am gay, but I am now very good at adjusting myself, so maybe they don't.

Now to me I am, as you know, still gay (I don't know at which age my dad turned straight) and it's propably because all this treatment of my fellowmen (?) hardened my heart, kind off, if that makes any sence, sigh... 


Here is our animal story in short: 

So as very first pet we had a rabbit. He got professionelly butchered. Then we got guinea pigs. One died through a disease, two were killed by a fox, when they were out in the garden. We then decided to buy hamsters (G-Force is a great movie isn't it?). Mine was a “dsungarian dwarf hamster“ Some of them escaped their cages multiple times until they were gone. One died normally. Once I had a gerbil (?! A big mouse basically) which I accidently killed, when I was playing with her. She died through “lockjaw“ on her snout, I cried. 

After all these rodents we finally got a “real“ pet. A dog named Teddy. He died after 2 weeks because of “stomach invagination“. We most likely got him when he was already ill. Our final pet, which we still have and who is very healthy, is our dog Ultimo (U-throw, yk?). Don't even try questioning his name. It's the best we could've chosen anyways. (Ultimo is latin)

Now you know what I meant with 'paranormal circumstances'...

(I wonder what people think when they read our life stories 😅 not that it bothers me any...)

In my experience, it doesn't matter how long you're at a church. People are people and they'll let you down.

When I choose phones, I tend to go for cheaper. I don't need something too fancy. I tend to get the lesser known/used brands, like Blu or Motorola. They always have some glitches, but not enough to stop me from getting them. 

I've heard god never changes, and I believe he doesn't *now*. However, I do think he did after being human. In the Old Testament, "fear the Lord" truly meant FEAR Him. In the New Testament, it's more like Praise Him.

Some of those Old Testament stories are nightmare inducing. He condemned Sodom and Gomorrah, but the one family he told to flee had one person look back and become a grain of salt. Another, a guy was being bullied and asked God to take care of them, so a bear came up out of the ground and ate them. Then there's Job's whole story. I like how South Park did it, "So, God kept betting that this guy would continue to praise him no matter what and tested it by taking away everything he had? That's terrible!" (Not word for word, but the gist of it).

It's... A little hard to explain. I don't like gay girl games. The only one I actually liked is called Always Sometimes Monsters, and it's more like you can choose who your partner is, so you could be anything at all.

I've always preferred reading about gay men, and I think it's because I feel like a man 80% of the time. However, I'm perfectly happy being in a woman's body (especially since getting a breast reduction from DDD to approximately a C). I've gone as far as looking into prices for sex change operations, but that was before the reduction and before I was comfortable with myself. I was still a late teen at that time, around 16.

... Why'd you destroy the ebook after they'd already seen your books?

Oooohhhhh, okay. I thought you really meant paranormal, like they were choked by an unseen force or something. (Huge paranormal fan)

Oh well phones are a hot topic and the price increases on nearly every brand. I am happy with my OP6 (One Plus 6), before I had no phone, for a year...

You may be right with god did actually change, when he walked on earth as Jesus. Yeah, the Old Testament is full of “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth“. That's what most people think about when they think about Christianity.

I know which story you're talking about and you could say it's terrifying... And it doesn't make it better that it's not the only one of it's kind. Though, people forget often about the New Testament completly. 

I also know the story with the test and I don't really know how to think or feel about it...

I haven't watched South Park, because I am contrary to those shows most of the time. I instead like Disenchantment (Netflix) and some Anime shows.

I guess it's fine if you are okay with gay (guys) VN's, etc...

I am not the feminin kind of guy, besides my figure. I'd rather say I can be more understandable, for example, than other boys, which is a feminin property, right.

I propably could imagine something like street dance and singing too, because it's what I imagine me liking, as a hobby. I was in our school choir back then. Stripping like Spencer does in EA is a little to much, but interesting enough in my opinion.

You would've gone so far that you considered a sex change? That's something else, huh?

First of all I destroyed it because I was angry with the situation and with myself. Second I wasn't able to read this stuff anylonger. Now I know there exist websites for this topic and you can have ebooks on your phone too...

I don't believe in paranormal activities what doesn't stop me from liking “exclusive“ horror. As an example Castlevania the series or Zombieland or Doctor Who. Most of that isn't that horrific, but nothing for a weak minded person either. I don't feel the need to watch American Horror Story, Saw, The Walking Dead or Final Destination though. You get the point here. 

Although I really liked The Purge. We watched in at school... yep, we did. It is crazy, but realistic in that specific scenario, I guess.

I'm a horror movie junkie. I love American Horror Story (season 3, Coven, is tame if you want to try it but not be totally freaked out.), Saw is a guilty pleasure of mine and I even got my mom to watch the first 3 with me. She actually enjoyed it. I always skip the first movie, it sucks.

I lost interest in The Walking Dead in like the third season or something. Final Destination, we own all but one of the movies and we tend to watch them once a year at least.

The first Purge movie is okay, but I like the second one better.

Zombieland is amazing, but I wouldn't consider Castlevania or Doctor Who anywhere near horror. Paranormal maybe, but not horror.

Yeah, I was really unhappy with my body at the time. I wanted to be flat chested. I'm still sad my dad took down our basketball hoop.

Dude, EVERYONE is 'contrary' to South Park. They make fun of everyone and everything.

It's only a little over 2 minutes:

Sorry I can't take things seriously that come from South Park.

I am not totally against horror as you can tell, although I think that senceless murdering or murdering for fun is too fucked up. There are scenes like in The Golden Circle 2 and 1 that are pretty terrible, for example, but still not as bad as scenes from 18+ shows. You have to decide on your own. I much rather watch this than that.

The only real 18+ movies/series I have watched are 300, Doom and some movies of the series Ip Man, which is an amazing story btw. (Ip Man is based of true events). Then I watched Love, Death&Robots and Castlevania. That's all, I think. (Castlevania is 18+ though...) Maybe I forgot something, idk.

I watched Alien Covenant which isn't 18+ but still terrifying.

I still have to watch the other Purge movies and also Death Note the Netflix original movie (not the anime series).

Zombieland was one of the best movies I've watched, it's so very well done and need sequels, for sure.

In my opinion you can still enjoy different genres of movies/series. Anime or Animations or Nature Documentations, Crime, etc.

Your dad really did this? Awful, well my dad beat (hit) my ass when I was younger... not very nice either. I would say my parents are relatively old or average, compared to other parents.

.... My dad removed our basketball hoop, it's not like he abused me.

Also, spanking you, as long as your parents weren't angry at the time, is called 'discipline'. It's something more parents should do, so their kids don't scream their heads off in the middle of a department store, or run into traffic when  told not to.

If you watched and enjoyed the anime series of Death Note DO NOT watch the Netflix movie! Every fan of the anime series had said the Netflix version sucks. They didn't stay true to the characters and tried to spin affection where none was to be found. Kinda like what people do with Joker and Harley Quinn; He's a psychopath and by definition cannot love anyone, but people still claim they have a loving relationship. 

Also, South Park isn't meant to be serious, but okay.

I'm fascinated by how serial killers became serial killers, and how they avoided being caught for so long.

The majority were porn addicts who's addictions went too far. Eventually, porn stops exciting the person and to get their sexual gratification, they have to venture into other things. That's also how people wind up into pedophilia.

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I exidently pressed the home button on chrome. Now I have to write it again, great.

So, yeah, discipline is great, though, drilling like for example Chinese, propably Japanese too and Britains do to their sons, who have to train very hard to gain muscle weight (while their parents are fat asses...) isn't fun at all.

Something like this can ruin a childhood, I can imagine.

My parents just didn't know it better at this time, didn't know what to do...

I forgot one series. Do you know Spartacus? It's very realistic to Roman standards and that means it is a very bloody series with violence and you know what else... Not horror though.

Death Note was pretty good, but the end was predictable. I mean there was no way Light Yagami could have lived after what he did, yes he didn't die and if he would've forgotten the Death Note and everything else he could have lived. The problem was he gave his soul up to the Shimigami. 

Thanks for the warning then. I don't think I wanna watch it now.  Remakes suck way too often don't you think?

Joker and Harley, that works, Joker is a psychopath and won't change. I don't think he loves Harley either. Although it doesn't matter for them, because he isn't the only psycho in this 'relationship'. There is propably a way to change Harley unless she is completly fallen for and obsessed with the Joker. (I don't know the comic book story)

Now I have to ask what the last paragraph refers to. I agree with it, but what does it refer to? 

In reference to your other comment: Echo (the demo, I think?) Is on my phone and will be read soon. I'm going through Adastra first.

The last paragraph is just how porn affects the brain... I'd recommend looking up documentaries, study's, and other things on the subject to delve further. On Netflix, there's a show called Inside the Criminal Mind and the first episode is about serial killers and how they became what they did.

My parents didn't drill me or anything. I just enjoyed playing basketball.

Yeah, I've watched some of Spartacus and do actually like it, but I've only watched a few episodes (no spoilers!)

I don't think Light lived at the end... They left it up to the watcher if I remember correctly (haven't watched it in years). It makes sense he'd give his soul to the Shinigami, but I was thinking there was some reason that wasn't feasible. 

I don't know much about the comic books either, except that they're ten times worse than they are portrayed on screen. I do know that Joker actually tortures Harley Quinn in the books. Meanwhile, she suffers from an extreme case of Stockholm Syndrome.

I haven't read an actual book all the way through in a few years. I have several unread books just collecting dust on my bookshelves.

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One more thing.

Since you are a horror junkie you HAVE to read Echo.  I won't spoil much, so... First it seems the story has just a sad, melancholy mood with a touch of nostalgia and funny parts, BUT then you realize relatively fast that the town, where it plays, is maybe even cursed... I don't know yet. I am talking 'bout the demo btw. I don't know if there's a full version and how to get it, if so.

You will see what I mean. I have now read for hours, it's really crazy. One more hint, the name Echo is like perfectly fitting for this game...... 

I used to read alot alot and have read some really fucked up shit, though, this is really crazy.

Such a story in a VN that's supposed to be a love story, I guess... And I have to say the writing is incredible. Terrifying to say at least, then again I wasn't into horror for a while now, I'm out of practice.

One more thing, not that it has to do with any of this, have you heard of Anders (not a german book series, but the word is german (correction: it is from a german author) ?  It is one of the best novel book series's I've ridden. And normally I wouldn't like to read something like this, but even though the story ended anything but good, I enjoyed it. The characters are presented very very good too. It is propably even better in my eyes than Eragon. 

You could say it's fantasy, but it really isn't, well in a way it is...

Okay enough of this!