I gave this demo a play a little bit ago. I hope you don't mind if I give you my review on it. I've been playing a lot of visual novel games lately too, so my comments and critiques come from that as well.
First of all, the art work is gorgeous. It was what made me download it on a whim. Not to mention I absolutely love mythical creatures. I noticed this is to look like a book, with all the text on the top right. This I found a bit--awkward. I'm facing in that direction, while characters are moving on the opposite side of the screen. I didn't realize there was animation to this game until I accidentally skipped dialogue and saw mouths move. I believe the reason traditional VN games have text right below the main images is we view in an almost tunnel, and we lose details in our periphery. So if the text is below the image (like in a picture book) we still see the images. The way your game is set up, I'm so focused over in the opposite corner, I don't noticed changes going on.
Although I do love the menu, and the lovely flower borders. The menu and background colors are great. Very soft faux watercolor, and I love it! The blue color of the elf girl was a little off putting. It felt a bit out of place in regards to her eyes and hair color, although this is mostly a personal choice. The biggest issue with color for me was the centaur man. The yellow used was so blinding and distracting, I actually had to place a piece of paper up on my screen whenever he was there. He was a very neon green/yellow, that just hurt to look at. Which is too bad, as he's beautifully drawn and an attractive character.
I do appreciate all the beautiful artwork in this game. I did find the change in style jarring, when it would switch to the doodle art. I'm not sure if it's placeholder art, or if it's just the style choice for those scenes. The art still isn't bad, just not as clean and polished as the rest. Call me a sucker for consistency, or maybe a tad OCD.
I found the story interesting, and well written--when it didn't feel like it was dragging. Some VN's often have sections that drag, so this isn't that uncommon. I just wish it didn't always feel that way. For example, when the main girl is trying to coax out of the centaur man how much he wants to pay for her services, I found myself yelling at the screen, 'Just tell him how much so we can move on!' It really dragged parts out, and overall unneeded. I kept losing interest in the story--mind you I'd always be brought back later because the story under it all seemed interesting. I am curious about the rings, about her job, and so on. I'd actually love a game where you just play here deconstructing magic around town. But instead, it's blocks of text that go on and on, until the next substance shows up. That substance is very good; very interesting, and that is what had me read it for as long as I did. Ultimately, it couldn't hold my attention. It was in the dream where I couldn't stop from yawning (at about 1pm), over and over and finally conceded. I was actually very angry at myself for not finishing it, because I felt/feel there was a payoff, some more intrigue.
I by no means want you to feel discouraged or disheartened by my review. I truly wanted to love this. It checked off nearly all my loves, but just felt short, and maybe that is why I felt the need to give a review. I wish you good luck in releasing your final game.