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Unfortunately, I did try that and it didn't fix the issue.

I tried downloading it through the itch app and launching (it just closes instantly), also I tried downloading it through itch as well as directly from the website and the same thing happens if I move the .app file somewhere else or the entire folder. I've had to resort to playing it in a virtual machine to get it to work at all.

It crashes instantly through the itch app too?  Hmmmmmm.  And it doesn't throw an error popup?  Does itch give any "Examine the cause of failure" dialog or something when it crashes?

Nope, it just literally opens for half a second, the icon bounces a couple times in the dock, and then the icon closes. If I open it directly, the application remains in the dock but doesn't show any windows or anything (it doesn't seem to be locked up, however) and nothing happens.