What I am saying is, naturally, you should write in a language you can properly write in. If he is not able to write a story in english, he should try it in his native language. If I was from Myanmar which I am guessing he his from because of the story. I would much rather have a novel in Burmese from a burmese creator than in halfassed english from a burmese creator. It is a waste of the skills he has with the renders and all if the lines are not enjoyable to read and are frustrating. I'm incredibly sorry if this hurt you but its the hard truth.
Yes I really thank you for giving detail advice and don't worry no offense taken. Actually I don't want to add too much drama here but I am making this game while military is killing people like 20 feet apart from me. And the internet is cutting off 1AM to 9AM regularly. So me and my wife are trying every seconds of our life pal. First thing first we make better living and we will hire professional once we get fundings enough.