The writing seemed kind of bad during the first part, but I got hooked when I got to the basement.
The sounds and music fit really well. You created a haunting atmosphere. The character isn't that believable during the first part, but there are some little bits that are quite poignant, like the section that music starts to play and the character comments on it. That was nice. The story is a bit depressing though. I'm not sure if there are different endings, but I hope that if there are, there's one that doesn't end so sad.
Anyways, good job!
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Thanks for the valuable feedback!
- I would love to hear more what you felt was bad writing: Was the writing too generic? Was it the choice of words? Did it take you out of the experience?
- For the character being not believable, what did you feel was the problem: Was it poor dialogue or poor choice of words on the character's part?
- For the number of endings, there is currently only one.
I look forward to your reply, because I would appreciate feedback.
Thanks! :)
I'm not a writer, so take what I say with a grain of salt. Also (as you may notice) my English is rusty, so that may affect my experience.
The main character's dialogue during the first part felt artificial. Maybe it's the choice of words, or the character's attitude. I believe it's because the character responds to their own thoughts with lines like "I don't care", "Enough of that", "None of it matters now."
If the character doesn't care, why should I? Why mention it even? I know it's denial, but there should be some other way of expressing that, so I don't lose interest in whatever the text is saying.
Hope that answers the questions. It's quite hard to express things when it's not in your area of expertise.
I like the world you built, the places seem almost out of a horror film/game and the plot/story is good. What's happening is in the back of your mind, but you don't quite expect it. And I like that you're not particularly explicit about what happened to this person after the event. Like the body modifications impacting memory. I probably missed some things during my playthrough though.
Although I mentioned it, I'm not sure whether another ending would work, cause you kind of wrap everything up nicely there.