that's a good bitsy haiku!
Format wise i'd block the scene by stating a fix frame : things can enter or exit, time can passes by or rewind but the "camera" can't move.
No dialog could be fun but maybe too harsh so numbered words and/or sentences ? Something like 30 words or 3 sentences.
Is it just a format jam or is it reoccurring with theme ? Or is it just a parasite to the monthly bitsy jam ?