I know you have proof readers, but I figured I'd help you out a bit too since I'm here squirming and all.
In the opening it says "This I give you, an advice." It would be more like "This I give you, a piece of advice." or something like that. Which still sounds really weird to me but is at the very least more grammatically correct.
On the news paper "More people get missing" it should be "More people go missing"... And "In sheep pastures" not "on" Not that those are terribly important.
"Wish that day 'would' come sooner" instead of "will" and in all other instances it is the same, I noticed that in the first game too and it's something that has always bothered me a bit, but I still love your work regardless. There are a lot of other grammatical errors scattered that I'm sure will me caught in later updates, typos and "there"s instead of "their"s and so on. I'm also not sure what you were trying to say with the line "For those who were wondering, here are a few definitions about it; the rumors never let up, pasts were never forgotten. I mean I get the gist but I really don't even know how to begin dissecting that for you at all. D= Maybe it would be easier to say something like "No one ever let me forget those facts"? It's less wordy but I think it's a more direct way to express what you were trying to say because as it stands I'm really confused about the point you're trying to make with that particular sentence. I know English isn't your first language and you're doing really well so keep it up! =]
All the innuendo between the mc and her parents is really unnecessary and a little bit uncomfortable? Here and there is one thing like a little joke but she keeps going and going to the point where it just feels awkward. It'd be less so if they ever like... Joked back at all but they both just seem really uncomfortable with it all the time and she keeps pushing and pushing, it might just be me though.
The family bits are kinda nice, but it feels like a lot of plot-hindering filler that has no real purpose in the story. Which is fine but there seems to be ALOT of it and if you're not careful people might get really bored before ever becoming invested in your story/plot. Because thus far I have no idea what is supposed to be happening. 7 days in and it doesn't feel like we're being set up for a plot, it literally feels like we are just waiting around "what happens in 7 days?" IDK wait and find out and it's a lot of waiting. 8 days before we are ever introduced to anything resembling any sort of story-line. It really doesn't take THAT long to establish a connection between us and the MC's family and it shouldn't. TBH a simple "My family was always the most important thing to me" should honestly have been enough without having to deal with them for 8 in game days, honestly by the end of the demo I fricken hated Mawar and the mom, like tbh any time they entered the scene I was like "*sigh* Here we go.............." No offense, they just babbled too much about nothing interesting and I had a hard time staying focused on the points. There are a few parts where the characters seem to just ramble about random junk. You'd save yourself a TON of time, effort, resources on cutting that down a bit.
Also I know she's upset and desperate, but I am not and I really don't want to have to sit through her shuffling and pulling that deng death card 20 times.... You can just describe it? Twice is good, really, since I can't skip through it?
The Nusantara poster was a nice touch. ;P I definitely had to play it again after playing this demo I totally miss those boys. T^T Also SweetChiel Cafe. ;P