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I know you have proof readers, but I figured I'd help you out a bit too since I'm here squirming and all.

In the opening it says "This I give you, an advice." It would be more like "This I give you, a piece of advice." or something like that. Which still sounds really weird to me but is at the very least more grammatically correct.

On the news paper "More people get missing" it should be "More people go missing"... And "In sheep pastures" not "on" Not that those are terribly important.

"Wish that day 'would' come sooner" instead of "will" and in all other instances it is the same, I noticed that in the first game too and it's something that has always bothered me a bit, but I still love your work regardless. There are a lot of other grammatical errors scattered that I'm sure will me caught in later updates, typos and "there"s instead of "their"s and so on. I'm also not sure what you were trying to say with the line "For those who were wondering, here are a few definitions about it; the rumors never let up, pasts were never forgotten. I mean I get the gist but I really don't even know how to begin dissecting that for you at all. D= Maybe it would be easier to say something like "No one ever let me forget those facts"? It's less wordy but I think it's a more direct way to express what you were trying to say because as it stands I'm really confused about the point you're trying to make with that particular sentence. I know English isn't your first language and you're doing really well so keep it up! =]

All the innuendo between the mc and her parents is really unnecessary and a little bit uncomfortable? Here and there is one thing like a little joke but she keeps going and going to the point where it just feels awkward. It'd be less so if they ever like... Joked back at all but they both just seem really uncomfortable with it all the time and she keeps pushing and pushing, it might just be me though.

The family bits are kinda nice, but it feels like a lot of plot-hindering filler that has no real purpose in the story. Which is fine but there seems to be ALOT of it and if you're not careful people might get really bored before ever becoming invested in your story/plot. Because thus far I have no idea what is supposed to be happening. 7 days in and it doesn't feel like we're being set up for a plot, it literally feels like we are just waiting around "what happens in 7 days?" IDK wait and find out and it's a lot of waiting. 8 days before we are ever introduced to anything resembling any sort of story-line. It really doesn't take THAT long to establish a connection between us and the MC's family and it shouldn't. TBH a simple "My family was always the most important thing to me" should honestly have been enough without having to deal with them for 8 in game days, honestly by the end of the demo I fricken hated Mawar and the mom, like tbh any time they entered the scene I was like "*sigh* Here we go.............." No offense, they just babbled too much about nothing interesting and I had a hard time staying focused on the points. There are a few parts where the characters seem to just ramble about random junk. You'd save yourself a TON of time, effort, resources on cutting that down a bit.

Also I know she's upset and desperate, but I am not and I really don't want to have to sit through her shuffling and pulling that deng death card 20 times.... You can just describe it? Twice is good, really, since I can't skip through it?

The Nusantara poster was a nice touch. ;P I definitely had to play it again after playing this demo I totally miss those boys. T^T Also SweetChiel Cafe. ;P

Hi Duvessa! 

Thanks for letting me know about your dilemma/frustrations about some of the game's elements :"D 

I also get the feeling that the 7 days are VERY long indeed. I was trying to make you get to know them better so you can relate to Maya's feelings when the event with the Goddess happened, but I guess it's a bit too much x'D I think the 'introduction' chapter of Maya's family is not as interesting as when she arrived at Forgotten isles?

I'm also sorry if the innuendo made you feel uncomfortable. It's just something unique to Maya's family; that they hide nothing from each other.

Bless you for being so patient until you finish the demo though! I will take note of this for future reference for sure!

As for the grammar mistakes... I'm sorry for that >< the proofreaders and I have been doing our best, but it seems that something always missed our radar! It might be because I went back and forth editing the script. So I apologize in advance for the grammar mistakes ^^; 

I will try to cut down the word count, but no promises since this has something to do with my writing style. I think there won't be much filler after Maya went to Forgotten Isles though O.O


Thanks for visiting and telling what bothers you about Bermuda! I agree that it's still far from perfect and I still have a lot to learn, but I hope you'll come to love it - including its strong points and weaknesses.

Xoxo,

SweetChiel


P.S. don't worry about me, throw me all the comments/critiques you have! X'D I'm very happy to hear your thoughts and I want to get better!

I honestly don't mind the grammar at all, I just thought I'd let you know. I totally understand and generally it's not something I easily overlook because I'm a super grammar nazi most of the time, but I really do enjoy your games and I'll play them no matter what because I super enjoy your stories and characters. =] There really is no need to cut it down, it was just an idea as I'm not sure about other people but the wordiness might be discouraging for other people trying to get into the actual story. I know it'll be great so I can easily overlook it, but other people who come to pay for it when it's complete might be less inclined to do so if it's too difficult for them to become invested in the story. In all, however, I totally love it and support you 100%.

Hi Duvessa~

Thanks for coming back and letting me know you enjoy my story & character :'D
and yes, I understand your good intention <3 and I'm very happy with your suggestions! Really, I'm surprised myself that the demo became that long O.O; but what makes me happier is when you said'but the wordiness might be discouraging for other people...' -then that means the ones who stayed are those who truly love Bermuda, right? I can't ask anything better than that actually :'D 

While I encourage new people to try and read my story, I don't want to push my 'baby' to them, rather, I want them to come & hug them by themselves >< 

Thanks for your warm concern & for visiting again, Duvessa :'3
xoxo,

SweetChiel