Very vivid and long writing, a breath of fresh air in all those wacky games;d Though that's why it was a bit overwhelming... I wonder if its possible for twine to have a bit more complex investigation for each paragraph where You have separated description of what is going on, the emotions, and what can happen next (edit and can click on each part that interest player to see it). Though maybe it would be possible to just write each paragraph in such a way? This way faster players may just get to the parts they are interested in.
My biggest issue was as many said the music: its was very nice, but when its changing each time it gets annoying:/
About the music playing stuff - if I got it correctly... I completed game only once... maybe it would be possible to have like introduction of couple songs (two even) that cause different situations, and the player has to figure out what to use when?
In the end, nice experience.
EDIT: I think the easiest thing to fix the music for this jam would be to just ask the players to run it (one of the songs) and play the game. That way its impact could be better.