From the adventure overview I found myself won over by the informal approach to explaining the goals and form of this adventure. It has a very "dear reader" quality to it which I think provides a certain voice to a kind of writing that can leave the author's style indistinguishable from their peers otherwise.
The question of how the adventurers will be involved at all is provided by the end of that first page.
Swallowed ( •᷄ᯅ•᷅ )!!
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The Title, the name of the pellet-bound place inside of the devil thing, and the guy it's named after do have a certain confusing quality that might lose a reader or two early on but it reminds me a lot of characters with unconventional names in storytelling. "The Talons" is a bit of a unique way of saying "The place that is Talon's". Anywhere else it might be Talonston or Talonsville. It could be "Mine" and provide a different kind of aha once the player figures out why.
It's a fun take once you grok it either way.
The concept oozes a very particular genre style that might belong in things like Planescape, Spelljammer, and all systems and worlds weird, fantastic, and outside the box.
There's an array of NPCs complete with motivations and a sparing profile, a backstory and considerations for the construction and balance of power in this really bizarre, kind of liminal place.
It's almost like an afterlife story. It's a prison most might succumb to.
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So I come to the compliment sandwich. This is an incredibly inventive and unique concept that knows what it's about and has set up the dominoes so that you and your GM may watch them fall.
That being said it absolutely will require a bulk of adaptation and translation by an experienced GM to be fully appreciated. Some of the text is repeated which could easily be edited, and on the pedantic side I might say this is a scenario, very much suitable to any game you'd like to bring it to. But the gameability will require buy in.
The plus side is that I want to know all about Stolas and Talon and what kind of wider world they might belong to that would provide for waylaid souls to languish inside a devil's gut.
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Awesome, awesome concept. Thank you for submitting to the jam!