Thanks for the review! I totally expect some potential confusion between "In The Talon's of Stolas", the Talon himself, and his domain The Talon's. It all sprung up from the apostrophe in my title. I really wanted to honor it, and it just organically turned into this weird little place called The Talon's and the guy who made it, who obviously would be called The Talon.
I definitely agree that there's some duplicated information and clunky writing. I lost a good chunk of the middle of the month switching jobs, which took away some of my focus. I found myself editing the doc last minute the day before submission and the writing quality absolutely suffered as a result. I've read several other submissions and have a much clearer picture of how I'd like to rewrite some of it.
I also totally agree that playability suffers from the decision to make it system neutral. In the rewrite, I intend to focus on improving that by working in more details on the locations and the encounters that can be found there. I also want to provide some more context on Stolas, as he sort of falls by the wayside as "the setting." I think The Library and The Talon's Private Tower will be heavily beefed up to provide some more opportunities for exposition and encounters that a GM can use to flesh out the experience for the players. After a great conversation in the discord about how to portray enemies without using system specific information, I've got a good idea for how to do that.