Skip to main content

Indie game storeFree gamesFun gamesHorror games
Game developmentAssetsComics
SalesBundles
Jobs
TagsGame Engines

I like the ideas in this one-shot. The planning and execution of the tasks, mixed with the narrative / journaling should result in an immersive experience. It somehow reminds me of Cargo Commander (probably because of traversing hazardous locations to fetch cargo, and the bleak setting.)

I think it is somewhat unfair to rate legibility and style on what is a prototype / work in progress. Still, here are my comments. I did not have problems understanding the game, obviously there are parts yet to be written to allow it to be completeley playable. The organization of the rules could be changed. For instance, moving the main game loop (page 6) closer to the game overview (page 2) would have been helpful. 

When reading about the longshoremen I imagined they were robots of some kind, but then, the need for breathing apparatus, suits etc. made me unsure. Also, the section about items mentions special requirements, such as coolant systems or large transport vehicles, but there is no indication of what is available or other restrictions on use.

As the one-shot is meant to be system-agnostic, guidelines to adapting the longshoremen skills to a couple of popular sci-fi systems would be helpful.

This is the shape of the project at Jam deadline time, so I think it would be unfair to other submissions to rate this one after more time organising and beautifying. I'm pretty sure I ticked the "be brutal" feedback box, and I've sub'd an unfinished project.

Re-ordering is high on the To-Do list, once it is feature-complete. Your suggestion is a helpful one; I'm obviously very close to it at the moment so it is good to get a guide on which bits of context are needed earlier to make later rules easily understandable.

The idea about guides for aligning the agnostic frame with specific popular systems marries with your suggestion that the equipment available is too undefined - I'll add a note to expand the intro/framing paragraphs to be explicit that there is a load of undefined space around the rules frame for the writer to make the world whatever they want. If it makes sense to be available, it is, but examples would also help.

The idea of the Longshoremen being ambiguously human is to steer you into the common side effect of siloed management being that they stop thinking of human resources as people. That's part of what the Health & Safety report and final summary is supposed to point at ("Did you stop thinking about your employees as people while chasing your KPIs?"), but maybe I've left that too ambiguous, if it's not coming through.

Thanks for the notes, there's good stuff to work with here!