Alright, here goes, and of course its all just my opinion:
Just to be clear "the impossible" does not refer to the ship's name, right?
In general you have some very awkward phrasing and places where you could be more economical with your words.
3rd paragraph: you call both Ott and his scientist an officer, which while it might be accurate, doesn't sound great and makes me ask if it is Ott or his subordinate who is standing with his hands behind their back.
Also his size doesn't seem to add anything to the scene, he's not 7-foot-tall in comparison to anything, and isn't pointed out that this is otherwise remarkable. Is it just there to point out how large BBs are in general?
4th: You have "looking" in the first and then immediately "gazing" in the second sentence, that is just repetition that doesn't add anything - you could scratch "What you are gazing at is what" completely and just change the tense of the remaining sentence: "Miners here refer to this area as the Hollow Stars."
"We're going in." - this sounds very immediate to me, but then its hours later and Ott is just reviewing some data. The report of space being warped is also very dispassionate. This seems to be an unknown phenomenon that the ship is directly flying into, maybe Tarek could express some worries? The whole scene seems to be there to show the reader that there are some weird things happening, so Ott not commenting on them, just informing his sergeant that they are indeed still going to land and then just sitting there, doesn't add anything and wastes your limited space.
Once you've established the characters names you also don't have to use their full titles every time, the reader has been introduced to them and there is nothing in the rest of the story that makes their rank important enough to warrant that.
So there's easily enough proverbial fat you could trim to improve how easy it is to follow your story, add more tension and gain some space to add more emotions to your character so that they feel more alive. I'd call it an okay first draft, a solid foundation with lots of room for improvement.
I think grammar and punctuation are really my strong points, even though it may not show. I am not an expert, but I just didn't spend enough time on it to refine it to where it needed to be. My main areas of wanting to approve is actually writing stories that keep people's interests and flows well overall. I have written stories in the past people like. Maintaining consistency is the hardest part.
