This is a very charming short story that sounds like something I’d read in a tween novel series, with coming-of-age struggles accented with some magic. There is some genuinely clever writing, such as how the pancakes are foreshadowed, how Pseu outsmarts Kit’s insecurities near the end, and how things like the boat and the staff work. There’s some pretty funny narration used as well. It has a sassy flare to it that keeps the tone lively and friendly.
What’s hurting the story most for me is some missed opportunities and some missing details. The boat could use a lot more description to make the environment clear for one. As much as I’m sure some of the lore details would get filled in with future or past entries, I’m left wondering a lot more about things like what specific circumstances led to Kit running off and how commonly known cryptids are or aren’t.
When the hunters showed up, I loved how they were characterized by their footwear, and they all had distinct personalities/motives. But I was sad when the story didn’t spend more time elaborating on them. After they’re all subdued, I was expecting Kit and Pseu to have a more civil discussion and compare morality/ideology with them. It would have made for great worldbuilding. And considering how little we’re told about Pseu overall, it could have made for some nice tension between Kit and Pseu if the hunters tried to portray Pseu as more dangerous than expected.
It’s a bit early to tell, but I get a good, strong impression of each character overall. I especially like that Kit doesn’t accept the chance to run away from life problems, and goes to the trouble to mention all the things that would be left behind. It was a huge relief, and showed mature writing where other stories might not show such foresight.