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(2 edits) (+1)

Excellent use of space and art, the plot is dense, but the layout never feels cramped, which makes it a pleasure to read.

I have three suggestions:

1. D5 is an unusual choice for a physical game: while it can be simulated by halving a d10, reading “d5” feels unintuitive at the table. You might consider reworking the table to reduce the number horizontal space, which could let you gain an extra line.

2. Box positioning and print readability. I know aligning boxes can be tedious, but if you intend this to be printed, having them follow the page folds could significantly improve readability and reduce reading mistakes.

3. Therare many NPCs, and some of them (such as Doc Vost or Apex) don’t seem essential to the plot. Vost is foreshadowing but lacks a clear way to move the story forward. With Apex, it’s unclear whether she is meant to help the players or work for Catur, making her difficult to use. You might consider centering the mission around a specific focus (infiltration, combat, stealth...), which would allow you to streamline the cast and use the freed space to deepen only what’s truly necessary.

Overall, an interesting and promising plot. Just my two cents.

(+1)

Thank you for the feedback! I was in a very Mothership state of mind when I made this one so I was trying to stick to the dice in that system, but I agree that generally the d6 is much more intuitive. Additionally, I think the layout and the NPC density tie in because this adventure was originally a couple pages of bullet points and I definitely lost some plot in the shuffle and attempt to make it look pretty. Going forward I'll keep in mind the final format while plotting. Thank you again for taking the time to leave a review, I really appreciate it! :D