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I'm so excited by this document. A brilliant approach to the subject matter, evocative without being straightforwardly "based on" any particular work of Lynch's. This will be fun to play with the right group of people. I'm especially excited by the consensus building in it: "Does it feel like closing time?" The character building elements are also a lot of fun.

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Many thanks for your feedback. In the meantime I played with my usual group and the impressions were positive. I think I could rewrite the text a bit and make it clearer, but there is also an “evocative layer” that would be deleted and I am not ready. 

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I’m not sure how much extra “clarity” would help, is my 2 cents. First off, I don’t find anything here to be too unclear, but more to the point I think there should be some friction in the experience, given the inspiration.