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A jam submission

EffortsView game page

A witch in the Alps is searching for her neighbours cat.
Submitted by Peppekz — 2 days, 8 hours before the deadline
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Efforts's itch.io page

Team Members
Peppekz
Editing -> Rag and Jerbear

Trigger Warnings
Violence

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Comments

Submitted(+1)

The somewhat unpolished prose full of strange phrasing is probably the only big impediment to enjoying this. There's a sense that the game is sometimes being weird on purpose and sometimes by accident, and the difference isn't always easy to tell; I think I only got that the protagonist was genuinely meant to be saying a lot of offbeat stuff during my second read. A lot of worldbuilding is conveyed implicitly, too, which would be way easier to stomach if the writing felt more purposeful with its lack of clarity. (Just a random example of the kind of thing I mean: the game uses "young witch" to mean "new witch", which initially made me believe the characters were like 13; I think that sense of the word is too old-fashioned to really fit the voice.)

But the story is not bad, though it comes off as a bit hurried as a result of the central hunt for the lost cat being scarce with twists and turns and a lot of the game just being drama between witches. The world is interesting enough, too, especially given its inspirations in a meme. There's a lot of intriguing stuff the plot doesn't even really touch, like witches apparently doing jobs for the community like in Pokémon Mystery Dungeon. If there's a missed opportunity, it's probably the protagonist's curse never coming up – by the time the story gets to the buck, the reader probably understands that there's something special going on with every witch, and it just feels like a Chekhov's gun that never fires. I recall your idea for what it would have been from the stream, and I think that would have been an excellent closing gag or something.

Art-wise, it's all nice and charming, and the character designs convey a lot of personality. I'm maybe not completely on board with everything happening with the UI (the font is pretty small, and using it to hide content on purpose maybe feels too janky), but it's nice to see experimentation. I will say that since the game is all NVL mode, it would have been nice to see the writing take advantage of that as well with longer paragraphs and novel-esque flow of prose.

Submitted(+1)

A fun little read. There were lots of eccentric little turns of phrases, such as the puddle of vomit smiling flirtatiously (???) but I wouldn't have it any other way. It gave this VN a ton of flavor, and made it so the ESOLisms didn't stick out too badly. I also enjoyed the NVL tricks, especially the gradual closing of the blackboxes for dramatic effect. Art is good too, and generally I'd say this VN stands out on artistic direction alone. As for the story... I dunno. It's a bit too simple, really. The "moral" is that making too much of an effort to be seen goes nowhere, and it's better to be a stoic "mountain" and let people come to you, I think? Not sure it's an effective moral, since it seems a bit obvious. The story is also a bit too short and aimless to let that moral sink in, though I did enjoy Daniel's blustering and eventual comeuppance. Generally, though I wasn't attached to the story, I enjoyed reading this VN as a work of art mainly for all the quirks present.

(+1)

Yeah man I'm not really sure what to do with this one. It's certainly creative and it stands out from the other jam entries, especially in terms of presentation, but I feel like this didn't quite stick the landing for me. 

So let's talk about presentation first - certainly very creative in using the NVL format to split the screen down the middle, and the encroaching dark space at the edges of the screen while the narrator is under stress (if I understood that right, I'm not sure actually) work well with that. As several others have said, this did have the unintended effect of making the text quite small, but it didn't really inhibit my ability to read the VN and I think this is probably something that could've been flagged and fixed if this wasn't a jam entry where you were working on a strict deadline. 

Sprites are all decent and the music choices were serviceable. Primarily using grayscale is certainly a distinctive aesthetic, though I couldn't really discern the purposes of the bits of color we get during the VN. Gabriel has vibrant blue throughout his cables, so I thought maybe it had something to do with the characters' magical properties (and their respective sacrifices) but there's also color in Daniel's and Sascha's eyes, as well as the latter's clothes, which wouldn't make sense. Maybe it's something about being closer to "enlightenment"? Like, Daniel is as far as you can get, Gabriel is partly there, and the last CG that shows Sascha in full color is meant to depict that full realization? Idk, feels a bit Pleasantville-y but maybe that's something. 

Writing felt a bit hit or miss too, and while I felt like some of it was supposed to be esoteric to fit the aesthetic you were presenting, some also felt unintentionally difficult to parse. For example, "Armor might make an empowered person, but it’s only armor. A thing to hide behind." I feel like instead of "armor might make an empowered person" you might have been going for something more like "armor might give you confidence", which would make more sense. Also, there was some, uh, creative imagery at times ("My digested dinner has a happy grin. It blinks flirtatiously at me." Dude, why).

General spoiler warning as I move into plot, theme, and character.

Okay first here I want to try to nail down what exactly this VN is trying to say. I see a couple other comments here and on the store page alleging the theme is essentially about "blocking out the haters" and to be honest I don't see that at all? In fact, I thought it was kinda the opposite, with Sascha's closing monologue rejecting that idea in favor of being more in tune with the community. This view is held in opposition to Daniel's complicated schemes to get rid of her to be the only witch in town and Gabriel's stated desire to live in isolation in the mountains, as well as Sascha's own prior views where she failed to appreciate that the villagers don't really see her as anything to be feared or excluded (e.g., the candy bowl on her doorstep). Sascha even hypothesizes that Gabriel doesn't really want true isolation so much as he wants to be admired, like the mountains themselves. 

So, problems with the theme here:

1) I actually thought the closing monologue was a bit heavy-handed with how the theme was presented, and I typically don't like "this is what it was all about" endings - feels too much like a morality play to me. That said, it apparently wasn't since either other people are missing the point or I am, and maybe working on ensuring the language was clear when it really needs to be could help convey the message better.

2) The theme, whatever it is, seems to fail to take into account the varying impacts of the witch curse. We understand that in exchange for their abilities, Daniel lost (at least) an arm and that Gabriel lost his ability to communicate without Avatar Na'vi cables, but we don't see anything about what Sascha lost, other than it not being as bad as the others. Without this insight, Sascha lecturing Gabriel on community, appreciation, and recognition feels a bit hollow since for all we know she's coming at this from a completely different place - she's not subject to the same kind of obstacles to appreciation by others. I suppose that could be intentional to give Sascha a sense of faux-enlightenment, but if that's the case then I'm really not sure what the point of any of this was. 

I feel like I've already been rambling long enough, so I'll leave it here. I think this had some really creative ideas - witches living in a modern world having to grapple with mundane problems like having to take jobs to avoid some kind of government unemployment penalty is a fun concept. I think this one just needed a bit more time focusing on the execution. Still had a good time with this one though!

(+1)

Efforts oozes style and individuality.

I love the character designs, unique and fun, the colors, the UI, the way the text is presented. it adds to a very unique take on how to present a VN. While people try to stand out with fun and unique design elements.

I feel like my biggest issue with Efforts is that it doesn't really want to tell you what it wants. Not even the characters really do. Is this all a thick layer of metaphor? Is this all meant to be taken completely seriously? Hard to tell because the game ends on an extremely flat note and an even flatter comment. 

"This is based on the meme of someone wanting to make a game about the Little Witch in the Alps looking for a lost cat, based on the complex narrative and choice system of Disco Elysium". Well I am glad this is based on that because other than the cat and the witch there's nothing left of anything else here. 
The concept of witches "losing" something when they become a witch is intereresting but not really further explored, which might have done the entire thing pretty good. Proper worldbuilding, I mean. I feel like there's untouched potential here that might never see the light of day, unless the author wishes to explore it more.

I'm giving this one a "Sure, if you mean it." out of 10

Developer

Perhaps I went too much on the show part than tell. Quite my fault. Kinda also tried to make it an interpretation tale, but that's usually a really hard thing to write, which I bogged.

Still thanks for the time and writing the review!

(+1)

'Efforts' is like a fable or some kind of novella about a couple of witches looking for a cat. There's certainly a stylization going on with this visual novel, from the vertical text/paragraph box that's used to focus your attention on either a character in the background or straight on the text based on it's position and how much of a background is visible, which I think it a really cool way of adding in an additional narrative layer from the perspective of the protagonist. It's an interesting way of showing the aloof nature of the main witch and their attitude towards confrontation and conflict. It's kind of a neat portrayal of a motto of 'ignore the haters'. The character designs are also neat with each one showing some world building about this world of magic, requiring a sacrifice of the body to perform it. That being said, the plot is rather light, since it feels like none of the characters really want to be in this story, and with that it's hard for me to really root for any of them. There's some kind of conflict of ideals between pacifism and confrontation, but it just leaves it up to the reader to decide on the best mindset without giving too much evidence to either side. This one would be a hard recommend for others to read, since I think the story is trying to go for a cozy vibe, but it ends up more in the artsy vibe, and what it has to offer is very much like the protagonist, grey.

Developer

Thanks for reading my novel!

And yeah the plot could have been stronger. I had to rewrite it from the ground up already, so I can see it being weak on this side. Tried to go for a small tale vibe, so at least that got shown!

My main try with this jam entry was using the textbox to also tell a story. I have failed in readability, cause a lot of people told me already that the text is quite small. Nonetheless, happy that this got shown through!