Very nicely done! I think there is a lot here to offer and probably the module i like most for Utility as i can see myself fitting the Seven Sigma (7Σ) into a lot of places. Some nitpicks to hopefully help you polish up a post jam version:
- the words breaking in line wrapping (split hyphenated words) is hard to read and is one of the few things lacking clean polish in this design. its almost more jarring because of how well everything else looks.
- Orphan words, the other point against your polish, you have a fair few orphaned words (a single word that sits on a line alone) you can easily clean these up with some editing to tighten up the writing (or in rare cases add a little… you are already using the space, might as well use it!.. but in general tightening is the better way to go!) just for reference i quickly counted 8 lines taken up by orphaned words… that is essentially the size of “Carson’s Lockdown Procedure” on panel 5, worth of space that can be reclaimed here (which can be used for my point No. 8!)
- Change the character’s name from Ram OR change how the drones attack (it states that small drones can “Ram” but are better as scouts) its a small thing but its a point of confusion that you just don’t need, especially when you can easily change one of these two things with little effort.
- and on the subject of Ram the character, swap Lain and Ram’s numbers, so Lain becomes No. 6 and Ram becomes No.7. The reason to do this is that Ram’s description box specifically talks about Lain which while reading makes you go “who is lain?” which takes you out of the experience even for a second, where as if you read about Lain and then read about Ram you will not be confused at all. simple swap!
- your highlighted text looks clipped at the top, just extend the highlight box up a bit (unless this is a stylistic choice i’m just not getting)
- very small thing, but Mothership doesn’t really use d4s and d6s… its not a deal breaker but sticking with the d5 or d10 is generally the way to go! and i think 5 floors instead of 6 but with 5 rooms each works just as well… but again very small thing.
- the module doesn’t NEED cover art, but its a nice enough piece that i think a little bit of cover art to give potential buyers a vibe of what lies within would be worth taking the time to make/procure!
- okay most important for last, you worked so hard in making this plug-n-play that i think you removed a bit of the desire to SPECIFICALLY engage with it by not offering at least a specific story hook to start things going! I agree with Deimoscope in their comment with the plot hooks… i’d say choose one and write it up as a “HEY DO THIS” and then offer the others as options… i think you can fit that in based on the space currently.
and there you go, thats my 2¢ hope it helps!