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I don't want to unfairly put too fine a point on it based on such a small piece of the game (and honestly you can pick any story apart if you think about it long enough), so don't worry about it too much.  You are probably right that a little polishing would probably clear things up a lot.  It might just be a reading comprehension issue on my part.

I guess I wasn't really sure who Oswyn is as a character?  We can see that in the introduction he's gung-ho for the empire, and after the time skip, he seems to have settled into the soldier routine.  Beyond that though, I felt like I didn't quite get to know him during the time I was playing as him; his interactions with other characters are mostly in the context of just doing his job.  So from that, we might say that he takes his profession seriously - but he also blows off an important ceremony and readily lets Angus go, which don't really square with that, though he does mention finding his duties unfulfilling.

I actually felt like I learned more about him from Ysabel's characterization: she is clearly written as the more fiery and chaotic of the two (this was foreshadowed well in the prologue), which sets her up as a foil to highlight Oswyn's more reserved behavior.  Is this how you intended it?  I'm not sure if Ysabel is a consistent party member or just someone who drops in from time to time; if it's the former, I'm sure this dynamic will develop a lot more after the demo, since here it is just getting started.

Something I was a little confused about: his rank is Lieutenant, but at the cemetery he talks about becoming Captain - it's not clear here whether he has actually attained that, or is still aiming for it, though it kind of implies the former.  Is Captain here a formal military rank, or more of a specific post and responsibility that is detached from actual rank?  He's the only ranking soldier present at the council meeting, which implies that he's in a top-level leadership position, but it seems odd to me that that position would be held by a lieutenant (I am not an expert in military hierarchy, sorry).

As for Bayard, it was kind of weird having him in the party without really knowing what his deal is.  I went back and replayed the introduction to remind myself of exactly what was said.  We know that he apparently has a seat at the council meeting as a representative of a guild - I assume that this was referring to Elynor's adventurer's guild, but I don't think that was made explicit during the demo.  We also know that he is acquainted with Oswyn in some manner, at least closely enough that Elynor mentions him at the cemetery (I noticed that this was misspelled as "cemetary", btw).

I probably shouldn't pick on Elynor too much since she only gets one scene - though, she apparently had enough wealth and prestige to found the adventurer's guild, so I did wonder where that came from, since all we know is that she's an army widow.  I'm a little unsure of the guild's (and by extension Elynor's) actual position; Bayard mentions that his guildmates (again, assuming that this is the guild he's talking about) probably couldn't handle a few low-level thieves, which makes me wonder what they're actually good for, but the guild is also apparently influential enough to have a seat at the imperial council, and is a large enough operation that Elynor can delegate that seat.  Elynor herself is often not even in Westwind, so whether the guild has other branches that she visits or if she has some unrelated business that involves traveling frequently, we don't know just yet (this may be intentional).

First of all, I wasn't expecting that much detail. I'm sure there are better things you could be doing with your time. So know that I REALLY appreciate this and it helps a ton.

I'll try and clarify some things, but I can already see some gaps you've pointed out that need to be filled. I want to be clear that I'm not hand-waving your feedback here. Each point you've made is already on the drawing board and ready to be used in a restructuring of some scenes (no major overhauls or anything, but adding details where it feels necessary). The goal is to basically communicate the intention behind the dialogue.

When it comes to Oswyn, he's currently a Lieutenant, which is a lower rank than Captain. The key difference being that he's not yet in command of his own company/group of soldiers. The rank/position of Captain is currently vacant, and was being primed for Oswyn. It was really just a matter of him wanting to accept the rank and proceed with the formalities to make it official. As shown in the cemetery scene, he's having doubts about the direction he's going because Ziedrick was known as a hero who was known for his victories in battle. Oswyn believes that Emperor Junon's pursuit of peace means he probably isn't going to have any opportunities to come close to measuring up to Ziedrick, so he's having his doubts? This is where Elynor's advice about honoring Ziedrick in different ways changes his perspective and motivates him to step up and help with the investigation of the stolen Dagger when that opportunity presents itself.

As for the reason for letting Angus go, I thought it was pretty clear that Angus used his leverage to reveal who had the Dagger stolen. He did give Angus his word that he'd let him go, and so my goal was to also use that decision to convey to the player that Oswyn tries to be an honorable man despite being somewhat conflicted at times.

You're spot on with Ysabel, and she will become a regular character at some point in the game.

Your concerns with Bayard are also spot on, and that's where I see the largest gap. I actually don't mention the specific Guild that he leads outside of his status menu profile, and that's a huge issue. I'll be sure to add some context there through dialogue in a future update. With regards to his association with Oswyn, Emperor Junon does say to Bayard during the meeting in the throne room: "Bayard, I assume you have no qualms about working with an old friend?" I'm not sure if that's enough to drive the point home. But I figured that, along with how candid Bayard and Oswyn are with one another, would be enough to convey to the player that they grew up together. Again, the scene can probably use some work to be more to be either explicit or even implicit in more ways.

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Thanks for the reply.  A couple more thoughts:

The rank/position of Captain is currently vacant, and was being primed for Oswyn. It was really just a matter of him wanting to accept the rank and proceed with the formalities to make it official. 

OK, I see.  This could use a little more clarity. 

As for the reason for letting Angus go, I thought it was pretty clear that Angus used his leverage to reveal who had the Dagger stolen. He did give Angus his word that he'd let him go, and so my goal was to also use that decision to convey to the player that Oswyn tries to be an honorable man despite being somewhat conflicted at times.

I understood the conversation, yeah.  I mentioned it because regardless of his reasoning, it's a very rogue (maybe unlawful, even) action that he commits to with little hesitation and which seems unlikely to play well with the emperor, who is absolutely furious over the theft.  It's not really what I would expect from a committed soldier and future captain, but if that is your intended takeaway, that's fine.  Along with our other data points, we can draw some conclusions from it.

I'm trying to put my finger on what's tripping me up here.  I think maybe I wasn't sure if I was meant to read him as conflicted or not, or in what scope.  His comments at the cemetery have more of an uncomfortable "warrior in peacetime" tone.

I'm making this sound like way more of a big deal than it actually is.  Sorry.

With regards to his association with Oswyn, Emperor Junon does say to Bayard during the meeting in the throne room: "Bayard, I assume you have no qualms about working with an old friend?" I'm not sure if that's enough to drive the point home. But I figured that, along with how candid Bayard and Oswyn are with one another, would be enough to convey to the player that they grew up together. Again, the scene can probably use some work to be more to be either explicit or even implicit in more ways.

That specific line can also be taken as court sarcasm, which was actually my first instinct as I didn't recall his name from the cemetery; they could be hated enemies and the entire exchange could be written the exact same way (though their discussion outside the chamber dispels that consideration).  I think concluding that they grew up together is a bit of a jump (I didn't get that), but I did gather from everything given that they were at least friends or former colleagues, if sometimes a bit contentious with each other.

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I'm making this sound like way more of a big deal than it actually is.  Sorry.

No no!! Don't apologize. Ultimately, this is about becoming a better writer and learning/researching techniques that allow me to convey things properly through story telling. It's not like I have a team of devs I can bounce this stuff off of.

I can't disagree with anything you're saying, to be honest. All of the feedback has been tabled and I've set aside a big chunk of time to work on this. You've been a huge help. Thank you!