Interesting to say the least! Though a small bit of critisim. The story so far is rather stuck in the main character's head. Having the main character tell the players how they think or feel isn't a bad thing per say, but it's one of those things that can really bog the story down if your not careful. The story is already kind of exposition heavy right now, so adding the additional internal musing kind of slows the pace down a bit too much. It's fine if you want to make a main character that is thoughtful, just make sure that the main character gets pulled out of his own head fairly regularly. In fact it could make for some good character dynamics if you want to pursue it.