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I love the first page; the text is super flavorful and explains the goings-on well. I also love the style of the illustrations! (Though I’m not clear on what the owl / plague doctor represent.) I think the layout could use a bit more white space to make it easier to read. I also found the bolded text (death/unmortality/etc) to be a bit distracting; I think using the bold more sparingly would make it easier to understand when you’re introducing a new key concept which you’ll explain later.

I personally found the second page to be spread a bit too thin; there are so many locations that you don’t have enough room to provide more information about them. If I ran this, I know I would feel the need to do lots of extra work to flesh out the areas, but I can also see how someone else would enjoy that work! Regardless, I think it’s a great adventure hook and I think it would be a blast to play. Great little module.

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Thank you for taking the time to give me some feedback, I really appreciate it.

This was the first rpg material I’d cooked up, written out and shared online-when I compare it with the other material entered into the jam I can see plenty wrong. You’re being kind, there’s much more that makes me wince! Still live and learn.  

I’m delighted you got plague doc and owl, at least the art landed. I was trying to drop in something regarding the plague that started the whole mess and the animals which might attack PCs. To be honest, I wanted to break up the wall of writing with pics that meant something (to me at least) in the entry.

Regarding “depth”- I know what you mean. In hindsight, I could have just written about the witch and Death and focused just on the final approach to her cottage- set a clock for players to act against, failure meaning the unmortal state runs wild. The other locations, events and NPCs being set aside.

That’s kind of where I started; the three or four other versions I began were all tightly focussed on an event that created something for players to interact with. With this entry, Ive actually written the bones of the climax to a campaign I’m DMing- so I’ve got to fill in the blanks myself!

Thanks again for your thoughts.

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That’s so cool that this is your first RPG publication! Looking forward to more :-)

As for the illustrations, while they didn’t seem to be obviously related to a specific NPC or idea, they did contribute a lot to the overall vibe of the module :-) I would have been disappointed if they weren’t in there! And they did break up the text, like you said.

I hope your campaign continues and/or ends well!

Thank you Maxim. Have a good weekend 

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