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(+3)

Not a bad read! Though there's apparently more to come, I feel like the story works pretty well as a vignette even now. Many worldbuilding details will presumably be fleshed out and paid off in what is set to follow, but other plot points – like the protagonist's sick mother, or his academic exploits – do come off as interesting context for the characters and the drama between them. It's honest slice-of-life but well enough paced and structured to avoid the worst pitfalls of the genre.

On the other hand, I feel like the prose could use some further polishing; many lines feel kind of clunky and labored. At the risk of getting too nitpicky, let me pull out an example of what I'm talking about: "Finally passing through the gate, I try and estimate the amount of time I have left before my first lectures at the academy begin." First of all, I think "try and estimate" sounds less natural than the more obvious choice "try to estimate", and "the amount of time" is sort of a heavy phrase – "how much time" or some other rewording would probably work better.

Also, for a narrative that feels like it wants to evoke a strong sense of setting, I think it doesn't really push the descriptions far enough. Though the writing pulls off the mechanical delivery of information, the sensory experience of what it feels like to live in this world is not painted sharply enough to really elevate the worldbuilding. The tangible physicality of the character interactions is good, however; it feels like the game pays attention to all the correct things there.

But even if the presentation is not without its issues – the sprites jumping around as a result of some expressions being misaligned, for instance – I would call the art the VN's strongest aspect overall. There's a lot of it (the opening sequence is so charming!), and it's erotic in a sort of classically romantic way that fits the relatively restrained story. Though there is some rougher and less refined stuff in there, it feels like nailing expressions and anatomy was a priority, and it works out fantastically. It's just pleasant to look at all around.

Thanks for the review! We'll be doing a definitive version in the future once we're done with Snow's rest.

I really appreciate the compliments to the artist, he more than deserves the praise, his work elevates the quality of the VN to a higher level. As for the writing, I do agree with you. I'm still discovering my writing style, honestly even my grammar can use some work and Bon is a miracle worker when it comes to that as well. The game jam also added more pressure to write quickly and with my poor habit to procrastinate until deadlines, I rushed most of it during the last week and we didn't really have time to edit. 

Then we missed the deadline by a few minutes. which was a major morale blow, we also had work to do with our other VN which we'd been neglecting, so we decided to polish the rougher edges of RitC at the time and publish it so we can get it off our minds momentarily and return to it with a fresher mindset once we finish SR.

We'll take note of your criticisms and try our best to deliver an even better story in the future! <3

- Thamer

PS, If you'd like to point out more examples of where you felt the writing was lacking it would be greatly appreciated.