I met some guys but I don't remember who.
Long ago in Second Life. I think some roleplay to become pregnant.
Rare times I think about a doctor develop a full female genitals transplant. So be able to become pregnant but I don't roleplay this stuff just imagined it. But though about write a story about it someday, maybe!
I had a weird dreams of my past, as if chasing me. I don't want it anymore. I just wanna be fed, dressed, and also sorry for the word 'unalive' it wrings me. I feel I am called to another fictional world. I am called by someone I don't know who, what or when. Just I have a feeling that someone is waiting for me in the other world. The requirement I should do is shed my life and give up. Don't get me wrong I should have taken to a professional myself but I don't trust them, (I strongly feel that they will disregard my thoughts, my feelings, and gaslight me to take therapy for a bucks that I can't nor I will to have. I don't feel lonely but I wish I could really gone to that world that calls me. Call me insane or what. I feel profound happiness there.
If someone would ask you to do something to stop yourself life that for sure not a good being.
Long long ago my aunt gave me a statue of a dog wearing a long robe with a revolver carrying a old lantern. She told me she gave me him to be my guardian, she had another one his brother (I think). She gave him too few months before she passed away.
It isn't rare. True, I often dream with all kind of creatures and animals since my teenager years.
I used to ask before sleep to dream with them and they come into my dreams. I continued to have the ďreams with travels, vacations or wars in different places, worlds of epochs.
In middle of wars passing through a portal into a dark space walked while creatures appeared in the limits of my vision into in other world find a white city fight with robots and mechanical black dragon I dashed into the city found a high tower where a antro white dragon met me and hold me carrying me to his bed gaving me his pink warm love. The only part not white in him.
In other place I to a devastated land into a cemetery I followed a vampire? Girl under it's sands that sacked her I jumped in the same sand and ended into a dark cave where I found she talking with a zombie and a black dragon .When they noticed me I pretended be one of them and the black dragon showed me inside started to show me how to throw stones into those circles to practice after that he hold me and carried me to the fence sitting on it when I saw all his love long and hard for me... I woke up before something happened different from them previous dream.
If not dreams they come to give the love I don't have and make me company for me not feel alone.
But that not-good-of-a-being is much more enticing to follow, rather than live in this world. In its arms are my happiness, my impossible dreams that come to life, where laws of nature doesn't impede on what I want, need, and in that it will fight for me. It will take care of me to the yonder. I trust it. I feel secure, freer, than this pain I bear which no one could understand. For me, it is better there than here. I believe in it and my hopes there and my standing there are better and grief is short and I have someone there. Cause in this reality. The world ignores me and my pain but in that world, place. It comforts me. The trust in this world is unmendable, corrupt, and bringing me closer to insanity, at least there I could say heaven is near. It is real for me, If I can do jump there without shedding my body its good but. It requires it for me. For myself. I believe my reality is my nightmare, my place today is my prison, and those of who speak to me are broken to care, broken to mind their own business, I see broken people, whilst I am shattered to pulp, I share this to you because it wasn't mitigating my pain, I am sharing this to you because no one cares to feel someone is hurt and sometimes broken people cannot help broken people but to actually proceed the all due process of getting itself through, if this isn't a goodbye, hope I can pass myself to another day. But if not, all I can say is, thank you, and I am happy to know you a bit if this is my last or my last dream.
You know if writing into a paper your words sounds kind poetic into the right lines.
Just writing little by little into separated pages and maybe published it and see what happed!
Just a little though.
I will type something more here. My mind is working something.
Not that but something I though too remembered.
People have to find happiness inside themselves to not feel lost when alone.
Because other people are not a remedy to cure someone's loneliness(yes you said you don't feel lone)or sadness.
But someone one to add to yourself happiness.
Find things you like and love so turn those into habits into your life.
I love to read visual novels before sleep everyday because that huge lists in my profile.
I am still writing the think in my mind so I will post it after I finish it.
