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(8 edits)

Overview:

From chills to thrills and kills, this ominous mystery VN has a lot in store for both the reader and the story’s protagonist, DJ, alike.

Haunted by her past, DJ winds up back in her small hometown, only to be left with more questions than answers. Searching for the whereabouts of her mother’s disappearance, she learns that there lurks bigger and darker figures behind the facade of the idyllic neighborhood.

Hunting for answers, reasons, and clues, she inadvertently thrusts herself into the center of trouble and under the suspicion of the paranoid townspeople as more and more attacks and killings continue to rise without an end in sight.

Will DJ uncover the truth behind the gruesome deaths that plague the town? Will DJ uncover the truth behind her mother’s fate? And will DJ uncover the truth about her own true self with the gifts she had all along? 

Through her using investigative prowess and through forming an unlikely friendship, she’ll learn that more meets the eye in the eerie atmosphere of her hometown she never once called home. 

Thoughts:

Guided through a wordy info-dump in the beginning passages, I was dumped with more information than necessary to kick things off. 

A lot of it could have been condensed or left out for later to help ease the reader in and give the reader something to chew on for a surprise reveal, whether that would come up naturally through dialogue or hinted at through the main character’s thoughts. 

Then, through my own ignorance and from the way it was visually set up, I thought the brunette was the character in question who was spotted when the main character finds a young woman outside town. 

However, I was mistaken, and I didn’t see much of the main character prior. So, having that familiarity of the main character ahead of time would have helped cleared up that confusion. 

Even a black silhouette of the other character in question could have helped build up that suspense without fully revealing the character until later. 

Otherwise, the first fight scene left me feeling confused because there was a lot going on with not the best visual cues there. However, through careful reading and after settling into the story thereafter, the action-packed sequences were easier to follow and digest with the world and the characters more familiar by then. 

Furthermore, the only other minor complaint is that certain backgrounds were not visually depicted when the scenes transitioned from one place to another. Instead, the backgrounds are only there for core locations. 

Regardless, the backgrounds popped with color, and it had a hand-crafted feel to them. 

This did not impact my reading or understanding of the various situations involved. Rather, it’s just an observation I noticed while going through the story, which definitely leads with a steady pace not long after the story begins. 

The story skips over the filler, and each story beat gets the protagonist closer in uncovering the mysteries of the town, leaving me on the edge of my seat for more.

Each choice feels heavy and impactful, feeling the weight of each one, as serious sound effects play after each decision. 

As for the character sprites, the only issue I found with them is the dog, Bones, hovering in the air upon his second encounter when hiding the text box with the H key on the keyboard.

Otherwise, the characters are colored and drawn beautifully, and the variations of their outfits and expressions help immerse the reader into their worlds. 

I became invested in their lives and the risks they took to which they put their lives at stake upon. 

The story may not give the reader all the answers he or she is looking for, but it ends with a message of new beginnings and final endings wrapped into decisions of trust for the young main character to make who has to live with the consequences of her actions either way. 

All in all, that is a story worth reading. I give it a 9.5/10. 

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

Wordy beginnings are definitely something I struggle with, trying to find a balance between set up and remaining concise. I'm glad everything seemed to work better/clearer as the story went on. I've definitely considered touching the script up a bit outside of a game jam deadline.

As for Bones, I'd hoped the second scene would have maybe looked like she was sitting on the counter but I guess I could've just had the dog on the bar stool again, lol.

Glad you enjoyed it!

(2 edits)

Yeah, I really enjoyed it and got all three endings! Bones doesn't look like he's in a weird position, so long as the person doesn't hide the textbox. By the time DJ and Charity form an alliance, that's when I really got into it and got a sense of things. You did a really fantastic job on the art, which drew me into the VN to begin with. The music was fitting as well. 

I've been reading through other visual novels for the toxic yuri game jam, as I also submitted a VN to this jam, too. It's called Alone if you're interested in checking it out, and even in that one, I start off with a clear and short exposition that states the theme or overall message of the story, and then I get straight into the rising action afterwards. 

My visual novels tend to be pretty short and revolve around the short story structure. Yet, I could tell all the work you did when plotting and planning out this story of yours, as I find it very impressive for you to do all of that for such a multi-faceted story such as this one, especially for it being a mystery, which can be a harder genre to write compared to other ones. 

The story beats were definitely there, and nothing felt dragged out or rushed. So, you're definitely a better story-teller than I am.

The dialogue also felt natural. At times, the lines were funny. Other times, they were subtle hints to something more. 

I loved it, and the way you weaved your story to add in the toxic yuri dynamic as well was well done, too. 

So, least to say, I'm interested in your other upcoming works to come! 

Thank you so much!

I'm taking a short break from vns, but I'll be sure to check yours out when I come back to look through the other submissions!