Spoiler Alert!
Uh…that was certainly a story of all time. I got me dying of laughter, nice job <3
In all seriousness, it’s really nice that you can craft and submit a (roughly) coherent game considering you are a non-native-english-lonely-beginner-without-drawing-skill-doing-game-in-short-free-time-and-half-the-jam-time. We all start somewhere, even if you start with big butts and being smothered /j
Mostly everything could use a revision though. The plot (except the first scene) feels overly random and well the other ‘plot’ is quite big, humongous gigantus even. There was at least a clear conflict and target for the MC, but the solution felt nowhere near satisfying. I got whiplash a few times reading the plot like, wdym there’s a barbecue 😭 And not to mention the eating ass gave you enough energy to one-tap the ‘strongest’ warrior in the village (I’m just kidding bcuz the combat system is so funny)
The ‘MC’ needs to calm his sausage down cuz Amandine is busy eating all those enlargement-causing sausages already.
The writing needs a break from mentioning butt every other sentence 😆. No seriously, even pornos don’t have that many. Check your pronouns usage too (The Moon should be an it not a he). Well that’s literally it, I haven’t noticed more errors cuz I was busy laughing at butt.
For presentation, the images fits, the music kind of fits, the combat system is inconsistent (there were 4 fights, 2 used the system and 2 is just text). It also doesn’t benefit from POV switching (there was only one part where it switches from ‘I do X’ to ‘You do X’ while in context both refers to the MC)
There’s somewhat of an incorporation of the jam theme, with the moon being the ‘light’ and the smoke being the ‘dark’. The ‘dark’ could also be us smothered under ass /j but I digress. The theme is there in spirit, though MC’s thoughts were so horny that it almost seems like the entire plot didn’t matter
Overall, decent first try, we love our submitters (in a friendly way), and hope you’d improve more in the future.
P.S Sausages? Really? Is this a jab at gay men with their sausages /j/j
P.P.S Chieftain lookin kinda…
Rating: 2123
Edit: Rebalancing of rating to 3222