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(+1)

A solid entry that I think would have done well with a bit more subtlety and toning down the flowery language. It does help set the tone and scene at times, but less is more in that regard I think.  Raising action felt good, but was missing something imo. Maybe more time to breathe and the MC and Ridge probing each other (Pun not intended)  with questions and giving small snippets about each other. I apperiacte veering away from the tropes of assuming they are going to be a couple. We need more mentor, mentee relationships in fiction with queer people. Enough time has passed where we have many more aged queer men. Its time we start acknowledging their role in the young'ns lives. 


Nice work. 

I agree, it probably could have used a bit more padding in their conversations, but I also wanted to keep a tight narrative without much fluff. Reading back now, it would have been nice to have a little more casual conversation, as things happen back to back rather quickly. I appreciate the feedback, and thanks for taking the time to read, Cybersalmon!

(+1)

As you have noticed things happen quickly. The idea that any additional conversations you would have added would have been "padding" would probably not be true. Unless you had them talking about entirely unrelated things you wouldn't have added any fluff. The whole point of the VN is see what their relationship is and how it develops. You built in a lot of good parallels and dynamics. You just gotta exploit them!

Thanks again for the read!