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thanks for sharing this. i know the gamejolt story well. they were friends, we’d (the two founders) would hang out at events whenever any of us where at the same festival, hugs n stuff, they interviewed me a bunch, said they supported my work no matter what, named a drink at one of their parties after my game, etc etc… then they took down my games because of that policy. they never gave me an explanation either, even if my games didn’t have sexual content. they said they reverted it but took my games down anyway. i wrote about that https://www.nathalielawhead.com/candybox/on-gamejolts-new-policy-why-stigmatizing-sex-in-games-is-harmful-to-the-medium-and-never-works

it’s an example of the empty platitudes platforms give queer creators but then stab them in the back when no longer of use to them.

i feel for pornographic devs and think they are a canary in the coal mine for how experimental work is treated. it impacts queer work the most and is often a smokescreen for targeting queer work.

personally i wish people would read this in a broader scope (what success is and that traditional capitalist models are not sustainable, we need to create that for ourselves…) rather than assuming i’ve had it easy and just had accolades dropped in my lap when the entire existence here has been a heartbreaking uphill struggle (you can read about how i was treated by game journalists for example), but this struggle is one i believe in and don’t want to give up. i have a right to exist, so that keeps me going. if i give up then i admit that the world has no place for someone like me.

i hope your work gets the respect it deserves someday. the way we treat anything surrounding porn is wrong.

I think I remember reading that when the GJ bans rolled out. I recall the week before it came out. I was working on updating my No Porn Allowed and happened to be browsing GJ's site again. Looking around, I just got a sense their priorities had shifted. A week later I got that same email everyone else did. I was fucking crushed, ngl. I found a lot of inspiration on GameJolt. Much of it providing the motivation to take on my own weird, queer, and horny projects.

Also, I agree so much with that "I can't give up now". Shit has only gotten more scary and cruel. Another person in the comments mentioned how LLM generated art has people giving up in mass. I remember how hard my time as an artist was. Dealing with self-doubt, nasty comment, occasional harassment. It just makes me want to lift others up more than ever. I refuse to let the cruelty of the world stop me from creating art.

And, because organizing my thoughts well is hard, people are terrible at considering the strife of artist. Too many people be looking at us like vending machines. Then, you have lots of people the forget their struggles, or worse, use their strife to justify putting other down. This is especially common within game development (and software at large). "I struggled learning <NEBULOUS UNINTUITIVE TOOL> thus you must". Felienne Hermans has a great talk covering this, and I think it relates back to how gamers use the terms "asset flip" and "shovel-ware" to deride games. "Hard Is Good. Anything That Is Easy Is Bad. Making Hard Stuff Easy is Evil".

There is just so much more I could discuss. And, I'm glad you put this essay out. I've recently been playing through 50 Short Games. And, it's got me thinking about what game making means to me again.

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i really appreciate your comments here. it’s very validating to hear.

imo pornographic games are the original avant-garde in this space. there was a period way back where they where just starting to get seen fairly then that flipped. to me that indicated a bigger shift in culture that eventually impacted everyone… but i can’t speak to that. i was just observer not participant there.

i feel like it’s an awful period in tech right now (and games are not separate from that space) where fascism took it all over to drive it in that totalitarian direction. the way AI has been co-opted to be what it is now is a big glaring example. artists are fighting with that and it’s almost like a propaganda war where artists in all fields are made to feel disposable. making them think about quitting. a big enemy of fascism is art, and i feel like that’s why it’s so under fire rn.

i’m not sure how it will shake out but i just know that if an artist quits, techbro fascism wins ever so slightly, and that’s a sad loss for us all.