I like how you chose to convey the theme and I love the distortions you used. I can fully imagine the environment you were trying to create, and I could see this fitting very well into a cinematic!
For a bit of criticism, I like what you did with the metallic hit, the rhythm you used does especially well for building tension, but I personally find the stereo positioning of it a little disorienting on headphones. I think there's multiple approaches you could take (depending on if you'd rather emphasize balance or emphasize panning), but overall a good option could maybe be an EQ cut around 350-600 hz (and possibly 700-1200hz) to ease the louder areas while still keeping the intensity and the width. But also, I want to respect that you didn't have much time to make this track so there's bound to be things that don't get addressed, and I think overall you did well achieving what you wanted to create and I especially like how you conveyed intensity here!