Heya!
I like the idea, but!
I stopped reading after the Prologue, because this story is rife with rookie mistakes (which is completely normal btw, I presume this is one of your first works)
First of all, it desperately needs to be edited. Half of the text could be crossed out, no problem. It's extremely verbose, reminding me of an apple tree that's never been pruned in its life.
Watch out for the repetition of words: in the first few paragraphs, the word 'flesh' is being used about 5 times, and more later on. Moving on to the second page, same issues on a smaller scale: plead, pleas. "As usual, no one answers" would suffice. 'Pain' and 'void' also repeat a billion times, and not in an artistic way. Max 2 short pages accentuating the cycle of pain and nothingness would be more than enough. Nobody wants to read the same thing over 10 pages, at least I'm sure I don't. :v
There are other, small things: I can't remember verbatim, but there was a sentence like "He did so and so to soften the edge of the gentle rebuke". If the rebuke was gentle, there would be no edge to it to begin with, right? :D
Don't take this the wrong way, your ideas are good, keep going! But I'd recommend reading one or two textbooks about writing to drill the basics into your head, such as Writing Fiction - the practical guide from New York's... or Ben Bova : The craft of writing Sci-fi (I can email you the latter)
:x