I like the dialogue changes to the first five days in 0.17 but I feel that Dave's new internal monologue breaks the "show don't tell" rule of writing much more often. There's no need for exposition about the mansion we're going to hear about in a few minutes or how Dean is a perv when he's going to flirt with us in ten seconds time or how Roswell is a nerd etc. One of the strengths of 0.16 is how compact the writing is while still keeping the audience engaged, each scene was a little mini-mystery and each line of dialogue is a clue.
Normally I'd agree, which is why I'd had it that way originally, but my god are players dumb. Not as a personal attack on anyone in particular, but the amount of people that operate on base level lizard brain and then complain about character archetypes not being "clear" or motivations from the get go being obscure making them seem bland is amazing. At least that's what the feedback form results showed me.
For Dean especially where there were a lot of comments about him coming across as predatory and sleazy with no justification as to why, which is why there were lines added to solidify that Dave liked it to some extent rather than it being Dean's default setting.
I'll absolutely be doing another pass over it at some point, but at least that's why those lines of internal monologue were added. Result of feedback.
That's fair enough, perhaps if time permits maybe consider a "Character Profiles" menu similar to the system in "After Class" where there is a separate menu where all the characters are listed which automatically updates as the player learns more about the character, with plain descriptions so you can be blatant without hindering the writing. Or maybe when it's all over and done with release a "directors cut" where you've taken out all the superfluous exposition.
People catch on to thing at different rates, some cant comprehend thing that you find simple. That's just people being people everyone is different which can be troublesome. Such as the amount of people who have got stuck on Bensons route, which is a majestic amount, despite every character in the bad end saying the word multiple time one after another and people still not noticing.
Sometimes sacrifices have to be made regarding writing simply to be as inclusive as possible. I don't mean that in the 'dark souls: oh its just too hard for you just say away' elitist nahhaha, way. But trying to make something that everyone interested in it can enjoy means setting the bar to the most common point. (god reading all this back makes me sound so snarky and condescending its shameful that I cant think of another way to reword this)
If the majority cant overcome a certain point in the story, the story needs to be adjusted in some way usually by making sacrifices. Of course the story should only be sacrificed to a point, such as in the Benson bad end, the answer is given is such a way it could be put on a neon billboard, there isn't much more that could be done to make it more clear without just straight up saying it.
These things happen and need to be accounted for but its up to you how far you want to bend over backwards for. No matter the choice when everything is finished up or more complete I have no doubt someone will make a full walkthrough for those who don't mind spoilers so I wouldn't worry too much about it in the long term, as disheartening at it may be in the short term.