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Ohhh, Sam's so cuuute!!! I hope he gets a route at some point. 

Yeah, I think the hooded dude looks like a rhino too. Maybe he doesn't if/when the hoodie comes off?


Wow, you took that personally. 

I'm not gonna read it because *I* think it looks like it was written by a 12 year old. It's nothing against you. It doesn't make you stupid for liking it or anything. You like what you like and I like what I like and that's okay. We don't have to have all of the same interests to be friends.


Also, I just have to gush for a minute... First of all, my 'girlfriend' hasn't spoken to me in a month. I told her about a particularly macabre turn on for me and she even told me it freaked her out.

That said, I've told you before I'm demisexual and only feel sexual attraction to people who's personalities I like. Weeeeell, there's this really funny and outgoing guy in my class. For the first 8 weeks, he was sitting on the same side of class as me but on the opposite end of the row, next to this guy I guess he's been friends with for a while. I teased him about always sitting in the back, and the last two weeks he's taken the seat right next to me.

I don't want to read too much into it but I'm hoping that might mean he kinda likes me. He doesn't have a ring on his finger, but he could have a girlfriend or something. 

Either way, it's great to have a fun person to sit next to and make weird comments with. 

i. Hate. My. life. (Sorry, the ending is better..)

I deleted my writing by swiping back once too often, again!

I wrote so many good things. I wish I could restart my life or day or week or month or year.

This really is embarrassing and mindbreaking. I need to do more than just change the browser.... or we use WHATSAPP! Ah right discord OfficialNoonOn #0115 then I write my phone number, if it is ok for you. I'd understand if you want to keep yourself distanced or keep it “professional“.

Anyway PLEASE???

Let me just say... tomorrow, hopefully, maybe definetly. I don't even know at this point. (I don't have time left to write all of it again)


(I wish I could be there for you to carry the burden of all your bad experiences. What I could do is maybe cheer you up by being the silly guy I am... Sometimes, propably because of my ADHS, my mind goes miles a minute and I wanna do, think and comprehend more than I can in the fraction of a specific time. Sometimes I wish I could live in one of the many fantasies of mine, like Perry Rhodan or a furry world. I would like fighting in a war much more than living a normal, everyday life, to have a purpose. What are your fantasies? Do you have any you want to share with me?

Right now a better future is all I wish for. A future in which I have friends I can trust with my life and talk about silly things and do silly things or even break the rules... I will never understand what my purpose is. Why I am here, now and where I will go, what will happen. 

The most important thing is having a fullfilling life, keeping every good and maybe not so good person tight by your side, forming your very own/personal opinion about basically everything and simply being a loving person. 

Believe me it's not easy for me, like at all. But you and me can always hope we will get there one day or the other.

I love talking to you. It helps me and I do hope it helps you too. Keep being awsome, even if it's 'only' in the net, for now. Everyone is worth something and yes you too!)


Tomorrow hopefully sigh ;/ 

(3 edits)

i. Hate. My. life. (Sorry, the ending is better..)

I deleted my writing by swiping back once too often, again!

I wrote so many good things. I wish I could restart my life or day or week or month or year.

This really is embarrassing and mindbreaking. I need to do more than just change the browser.... or we use WHATSAPP! Ah right discord OfficialNoonOn #0115 then I write my phone number, if it is ok for you. I'd understand if you want to keep yourself distanced or keep it “professional“.

Anyway PLEASE???

Let me just say... tomorrow, hopefully, maybe definetly. I don't even know at this point. (I don't have time left to write all of it again eh today)


(I wish I could be there for you to carry the burden of all your bad experiences. What I could do is maybe cheer you up by being the silly guy I am... Sometimes, propably because of my ADHS, my mind goes miles a minute and I wanna do, think and comprehend more than I can in the fraction of a specific time. Sometimes I wish I could live in one of the many fantasies of mine, like Perry Rhodan or a furry world. I would like fighting in a war much more than living a normal, everyday life, to have a purpose. What are your fantasies? Do you have any you want to share with me?

Right now a better future is all I wish for. A future in which I have friends I can trust with my life and talk about silly things and do silly things or even break the rules... I will never understand what my purpose is. Why I am here, now and where I will go, what will happen. 

The most important thing is having a fullfilling life, keeping every good and maybe not so good person tight by your side, forming your very own/personal opinion about basically everything and simply being a loving person. 

Believe me it's not easy for me, like at all. But you and me can always hope we will get there one day or the other.

I love talking to you. It helps me and I do hope it helps you too. Keep being awsome, even if it's 'only' in the net, for now. Everyone is worth something and yes you too!)


Tomorrow hopefully sigh ;/ 


Two times the text??? Sure, why not! ... Can't delete, only edit.

Well, I sent your Discord a request. It... Will probably be obvious it's from me, even without the name and tag#. I use Samtoinette EVERYWHERE. Ever since it occurred to me how cool it sounded a few years ago.


I'm sorry you keep having to start over, but the comment on the end made me laugh. Twice the text, yep! The obvious frustration of the entire post and then that at the end is too amusing, but I'm sorry to laugh at your irritation.


My brother has ADHS (here it's still ADHD I think?) so I could get a hold of him for a time to laugh my ass off about random shit. 

Oh! I have a favorite picture depicting it... 

It made my brother laugh.


Uh, yeah... The fantasy I told my girlfriend about was a sexual one, but yeah. 

Honestly, I can't tell you how often I wish I was a guy. I'd be gayer than a unicorn shitting rainbows cause even as a girl I like it up the butt... Sorry, probably TMI lolol.

My greatest fantasy has always been to have a lover and live an ordinary life. Get a lot of dogs. Build my own estate. 

Even as a child, while I pretended to be a Sailor Scout or Super Saiyan at times, I never wanted to be famous.

Even so, if I could be a furry... I'd jump at that opportunity.

I'm guessing you think I'm having a rough time because my girlfriend stopped responding to me? It's not the first time she's done this...

You almost made me cry happy tears with that last little bit. I'm glad I can help you. It helps me too, I sometimes don't feel like I can talk to my mom or best friend about some things because they know me too well, if that makes sense. Some things are easier to tell a 'stranger'. 

While we may have misunderstandings and I think I hurt your feelings from time to time, I'm glad we started chatting. 

12 days feel like an eternity..... Things happend, one thing in particular. More about it later. Also, if this reply won't have at least 13 paragraphs (only the major ones count) forget me right away.. (maybe I will change this number after I'm done, I wonder)

You are writing yours in the morning..?..? But WHY? Nevermind me writing this late at night or early in the morning.... 🙃

Oh boy (and girl for the feminism)... 15 more minutes until midnight, but idc at all.



Oi, nothing wrong with good ol' Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead though. No! Go away demon! 

Well, is she sick or does she feel down often? If yes...then you're both screwed. I know how this is meant, but it translates to “then you are both crappy“ in german. Thanks google translate. Your input is always appreciated.^

Anyway, do your best to keep her in a good mood then. That makes me sound shitty for some reason, doesn't it...


I assume, and it's not the end of the world, our music taste is different. Most of these bands are unknown to me. I know like 3: Linkin Park, Five Finger Death Punch (Seven Nations Army only), Pink, Katy Perry. Okay 4 in total. 

Coldplay has just released a new song “Orphans“. If Radiohead is like Shinedown and RHCP I'd most likely enjoy it. 

Five Finger Death Punch's “Seven Nations Army“ is really good. Sonata Arctica ??? Dunno.

But, what I actually wanted to tell you is this. Not every mellow appearing song has to be mellow. At least not in my eyes. For this occasion I have 2 prime examples the song “Unbreakable - Faydee &...“ and “Best I can - Art of Dying“. Both are not songs that make me feel down.

A song that only consists of rap and does not know anything else than being stupid is nothing for me. Not saying you're listening to something like this. I like rap songs like “Battle Scars - Lupe Fiasco &...“ or “Willst Du - Alligatoah (a funky, german anti-drug song“. I would listen to country music, if I'd know any... Metal, well it can be good and I have some songs on my phone from this genre, but only a few are meant for me, I think. I prefer rock.


Hmm... some people from my “begone thot“ (I'll tell you why) work place are “twisting their own cigs". It could mean they're smoking stronger stuff, could it? I think I could've asked and they would've answered truthfully, but why should I? It's none of my business. 

How do you know Marihuana (why is there a german spelling? Strange) is safer than cigarettes? Have you read about it or did people tell you?

Pot heads is a funny word. Haha. You mean it as an insult, but you are praising their cleverness or something?

That smoking relaxes is not news to me, your theory is though.

Thanks for telling me what the mask is all about. Although I read in the description of another mask-band (phantom, the noble one) how these masks are not meant for simulating altidude training, buut whatever.


Some things about my work place are worth mentioning. The people (participants only not really the employees) are awsome, because all have their quirks and problems like me. I met an open gay guy there (age 22 was it I believe). First I wasn't sure, but everyone called him gay and he kinda looks like it anyway, so I told him. When I drove the train with him one of his “friends“ was there too and because I haven't told him I was gay, until then, his attidude was reserved. It changed though when I told him “you are not the only one“. It was quite funny. First I-

(Uh, have to go have to bring my younger sister and her boyfriend home. They went on an event. It's 01:10 exactly and I'll drive them. Lol. Ok, as it looks like am back. We drove a friend of my sister to another district too. Not that I was complaining, driving is alot of fun at night in rather small cities like ours (90.000 population) (not with rain though...))

-saw how the gears were turning fast, in his head, then, as the realization hit him, we talked a bit about it. Apparantly he had more boyfriends than I will ever have in my life... I haven't really talked to him since and now I'm out of there. What can you do. I will repeat myself until the end of time. Karma is a bitch! 

So, this is what I meant with the big thing that has happend. I nicely got kicked out of my work place after the 6 week probation (?). They say I have to/should go to a “facility“ or work place for Asperger and Autism victims... You know what I didn't even feel hatred or sadness, anything really, except annoyance. It's like I'm part of the “The End of the F***ing World“ crew. The only sad part about this is I won't see the nice people anymore I met there. I almost forgot to mention that. There is a girl that wants to be a boy and therefore wears male clothes and has short hair. She (or he) is cool. Then there is a man, who has “Smoke Weed Everyday“ tattoos all over his body, as far as you can see at least and he said it himself he made some of them on his own. Half of all the people there are smokers and still they are very affable (?) or nice people.


Ha! History is one of the worst most useless subjects in school, because us humans never seem to be able to learn from our past, fatal mistakes. 

If you were always told how good you were then we were always told how bad we were. I guess one can't say the history of America was nonstop glorious, with the Civil War for example, but compared to the extermination of about seven million jews (in the german history) it is in comparison a mild past. (and that makes me look like I want to win some kind of insane competition I really don't). Let's just move on shall we? Or no, wait! To make you and me feel better I remembered something. It's a picture of a tall, high status woman (France) who brings civilization, culture, religion, ... to the natives of whichever country who almost look like goblins. And all of these 'elements' in “ “ obviously. The picture was most likely made in the time when France thought of itself as most advanced empire, so yeah...

The history class and teacher of the best school ever, the Futurum (not Futurama😁), were actually not bad at all after all. Basically every teacher of this school was very chill. The students and teachers were all “by you (singular)“ (it's hard to explain, because you (singular) and you (plural) is the same in english....). In Germany the students have to say you— sie (plural) if they talk to the teacher.


Not everyone has the same mind and priorities and we have to accept it. For what it's worth I agree. Peoples personalities matter the most, after it, on second place, come their acts and words.

Nah, you can't just say a race, that isn't even a race, is the problem why there exist poor people! If you believe this I'm sorry you're dump or explain it to me. How do they move from one country to another “ruin“ their economy? Your brother may be smart, but a statement this wrong is bad.. I heard in the bible is written that the Jews are blessed by God. 


Haha yeeaaaah... I heard this line before. I also was told or heard in the bible is nothing in particular written about homosexuality. Then again the Old Testament is the worst part of human history. “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth“ (I hope I translated fine, oh google translate acutally knows something for once. Who would've thought.

I like your mom. :)

That's the thing. For us gays it is 100% normal to fall for guys/girls and feel no shame or confusion. Well, some straight guys/girls do when they find out, but in general we are okay with it. If straight people on the other hand think about gays it's the same as if they have to think about furries or whatelse there is. For them it's as if they are seeing an alien and what they believed in, their convictions are shattering to pieces. Whatever though I refuse to call it our mistake.


This bluegrass music is too funny, oh no!🥺 It sounds like a mix of blues and country music to me, if I'm not entirely wrong. 


Even though this guy is unsympathetic he often makes very funny videos. Check this one out! It's about 1 hour and 15 minutes long.

He also made a frame by frame analysis of the Cat's Trailer. I assume you heard about this movie...? It's gonna be a nightmare. 😵😂


I am sooo happy for you! :D He seems like a cute guy, you should go for it. Keep me updated on how it goes. Spread the gossip like noone else. ;P People to whom you can talk about everything, weird topics in particular, are the best, no doubt.

But eh how does having a girlfriend and dating a boy work? Don't do this to them, please. Kidding, but you have to explain this. I don't see through it. Unless you want to break up with her. One month with no talking is a very hard punishment.

You don't wanna know what my sexual fantasies are.... Okay, you can exclude BDSM (stuff like that) for sure. If this is what you are into, none of my business. Don't apologize yourself... I am gay, so up the butt should be rather normal for me, no?

If I'd had to choose a possible fantasy it would be like this: A life away from what we call civilization, somewhere where it's peaceful yet exciting, where animals won't run away, if they see you and you rarely need any bothersome and needless electronics. 

Well, I can't say I don't want to be famous, BUT only if my identity is unknown to the world and I'm a super hero. 🦸‍♂️

So, if you could be a furry you really would like to be one? I of course would be a 🐺 if not a 🐶 or a 🐯 panthers are also cool and there're propably more, you?


Zach is so insanely cute. <3 Stormsinger Studios can turn every animal in a cute one, facts. I wonder what he will look like without a hoodie. I hope it won't ruin his current look.

I have to start on The Smoke Room soon and continue on Kingsguard. I have to read The Raven's King and finally finish Werewolves. There's Adastra too, I'm maybe very close to finishing and after that more books and visual novels (without the visual, from the PlayStore). Propably enough to keep me entertained until my death with age 36, because of all the stress............

Mommy help I'm being swarmed!!!..... Sssss Sssss


I indeed took it personal...

You have to admit your derogatory choice of words wasn't very correct. You have never read any of these books, so you can't tell by the few quotes I wrote they're bad. It's not fair :( 

Don't worry I am not holding a crutch against you, because of it.


So... what about movies/series now? Have you seen “The Haunting of Hill House“? It's a very dramatic horror series Corvin (not Corvius btw) suggested me and I'm on the 6th episode. (On Netflix) It is really something. The slow pacing in the beginning was a little turn off, but the series still had me captivated till now. You should totally see it for yourself, because I don't want to spoil everything. Another movie from the same creators (I think) is Memento (memento mori — carpe diem).

Have you seen Joker (2019)? I haven't yet sadly.

Another thing I have been watching is “Ich seh ich seh“ — Goodnight Mommy. (On Netflix) An Austrian horror movie, that is rather disturbing, than thrilling and pretty weird throughout. The movie is about a mom, who comes home after her beauty operation with bandages in her face. Her boys have to ask themselves. Is this woman really our mom? Goodnight Mommy has an even slower pacing, but it's worth it in the end. The ending is pretty crazy, you'll see evantually.

The End of the F***ing World season 2 is finally here!!! Ahhh it's so, so goood! I watched the first episode and second I think so far. Simply love it.

I wrote it's diffult for me to pass the 2nd episode of TWD, because of all the other movies/series I am watching. 

About Brimstone (drama & mystery thriller, without mystery)........

......this movie is insane! It's not comparable to Casualties of War, but it's now the newest, craziest movie I have seen! It's not pure cruelty, bloodlust and rape, like in Spartacus (series) or so, no, it's beyond that! Let me just say I won't see it again anytime soon. Yes, NaruShipp will always be the most unbearable thing, but Brimstone is realistic and not fantasy.


Not gonna argue with that, your name Samtoinette is pretty cool, in a French way. ✓

It's okay though. Laugh your sanity off as much as you like. I'm not gonna stop you. Hehehe

Bugs like that one are only there to drive me crazy and I hate it! Make it stop! Keep it cool aand deep breaths in and out, in and out.

Your little pic made me laugh as well. It fits pretty damn good. Good to see your brother has a healthy amount of humor. I also like black humour or silly humour. If you'd meet me in person you would propably say that I'm still a child deep down. :) Although I can be very serious and uncommonly sad, for a child, at times. Even though I think I wasn't incredibly sad in a relatively long time. I remember one time I was so hopeless I left the house at night and never wanted to come back, but I did after walking around for an hour or so...


For me it would be the opposite. My mom and my dad and my sisters are no strangers, though they too often, like all the time, don't seem to know me very well. 

I'm glad we started chatting too. It's been a very “rich on information“ ride and was very much worth it. (There's no “informations“, right?)

Misunderstandings are perfectly normal, especially if one of the *interlocutors* (hahaha) is not talking in their mother tongue and if I happend to hurt your feelings apologies.

It's cause a stranger can't really judge you, can't find you and can't blame you on social networks and stuff.



Last time on itch, next time on dis? So, you write on dis the next time?

Now let me have some rest. It's soon half past 7 now.  😌

I hope your curiosity is satisfied by the amount of info I packed into this bunch of words. I assume I cover everything from importance... But I'm not too sure.

No, my mom isn't down a lot. Maybe once a year we watch Shaun of the Dead.

I like a lot of Swedish metal, so it doesn't surprise me you haven't heard of them. Plus, they might count as indie bands...? I don't know.

Here, one of my favorite Sonata Arctica songs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yszaOJHPjA

Mellow doesn't equate to making someone feel depressed. It just means it's calmer. It's the equivalent of smoking marijuana. Both aren't my style. Didn't like MJ, and not a huge fan of mellow music. No biggie. *shrugs*

Heh, and it segues into your next paragraph perfectly. They probably are smoking weed, but what does it matter?

Supposedly, marijuana has medicinal properties that heal every illness from cancer to the bubonic plague (exaggeration... probably). It's all in one particular component though. I don't remember which one, but if they isolated that and made it into something you didn't smoke, I'd be all over that. I hate how weed makes me feel though, probably because I'm already a laid back person so weed just makes me feel lethargic.

Anyway, there's a lot of nasty things in cigarettes. The addictive part is the nicotine (insecticide), but there's other harmful things. Acetone, found in nail polish; ammonia, household cleaner; arsenic, commonly used in poisons; butane and hexamine which are both found in lighter fluid; etc, etc. There's like 600 ingredients in all.

See, there's a difference between potheads and stoners. If I'm remembering correctly, stoners are 'functional pot heads', meaning they work and raise kids without issues while also smoking weed to relax. Potheads are non-functional. They just sit on their asses, get baked, and say the dumbest shit. I used the wrong term last time.

My best friend is a stoner. I hate when he's high and he knows it because it's like talking to a dumb talking dog (like Doug from the movie Up.) However, he's successfully raising his little girl and he has weed for medical reasons (extreme back pain to the point he can barely move).

My ex boyfriend, however, was a pot head. He though he said these really profound things while high, but actually he was just being stupid. Then he'd giggle at his own sentences.

Stoners are generally geniuses, in my experience. Their IQs are super high and I love talking to them when they're not baked. Intellect is a huge turn on for me, always has been. Some people just seem to retain everything they ever learned, and it seems those people are the ones who wind up stoners.

The masks wouldn't be for simulating altitude, you wear them IN high altitudes to help yourself breathe easier... There's some kind of miscommunication here.

I'm confused. Were you okay with not talking to him again because he's had a shitton of boyfriends, or were you sad to not talk to him again?

Also, did they seriously say "autism victims"...? I would be pissed if someone said that to me. Like, autism isn't a fucking death sentence. It's not some bad thing that happened to you that ruins your life. It's not like rape, it's a fucking SYNDROME. It's a mental disorder that you can't cure. Jesus fucking christ, people piss me off.... PLEASE tell me you have a law in Germany against discrimination of people. I'd fucking sue their asses off for something like that, "you can't work here because you're autistic." Fuck you, corporate cows!

Okay, okay. I took a few deep breaths, I'm okay. There's not much that gets me that enraged, but ignorance is one of those things. Do you have Atypical available in your country? We may have discussed this already. It's on Netflix, it's about an autistic kid going through everyday life and the issues he faces. He's more severe than either of us, but he's still high functioning. The new season just came out, and they're trying to change how emergency responders deal with auties.

Our history books are wrong, and it sounds like yours are too.

First of all, in America, everyone praises Abraham Lincoln for eradicating slavery, but that was never his intention in the civil war. In fact, the ones who lost (south) in reality had less slaves overall than the north. I don't want to misquote anything, but I'm pretty sure Lincoln owned slaves. They still try to make white people feel guilty about their ancestors owning slaves, and many blacks think they have a right to whatever the hell they want because their great grandmothers worked the cotton fields.

The fact is, many slave owners were black. The ones who took blacks from Africa and sold them in America as slaves were black. Yet, we're supposed to feel guilty for something we had no control over.

Now, as for YOUR history books. 7 million Jews were not killed. It's impossible. If Hitler had killed that many Jews, there'd be none left. The Germans were fastidious in record-keeping, so that number is greatly exaggerated to make Germans feel guilty for something that happened before many of you were born.

This is a long read, but I'll share a snippet, "My name is Robert Litoff...I was born in New Haven, Connecticut in 1945 of two Jewish parents...all my ancestors are Jews...The claim that 6 million Jews died during World War II is wrong.

During the war period, before and shortly afterward, 5 million Jews went to Israel, and the Jewish population of North America increased from 4 million to 6 million.

Jews also went to Brazil, Argentina, Australia and other nations. This accounts for the decrease of 6 million Jews in Europe.

The world Jewish population was 15 million circa 1929 but it reached an estimated high of 18 million in 1989, an increase of 16%, which would have been impossible if 6 million Jews died in World War II."

It's an interesting read, just long: http://www.realjewnews.com/?p=943

Well, not all Jews are evil, however there's a portion of them that could be considered as such: the culture of the Talmud, which... is about the filthiest, most hateful book on the face of the earth – a book that states, “Even the best of the Gentiles should ALL be killed.” If that is not HATE-speech – then what is? (source: https://www.goodnewsaboutgod.com/studies/political/jews/hate_victims.htm )

There was also warmongering by them in America against the Russians: http://www.realjewnews.com/?p=932

Jews are more than just a simple religion, though. Someone said it was a culture, which I can understand. Scientifically speaking, there's only like 4 races--Jewish (I'll explain why in a moment), white, black, and Asian. Biologically, they're considered races because of their genes/DNA. That's also what dictates your outward gender. I'll use Michael Jackson as an example here. He changed his outer appearance to be as white as possible (and maybe female?), but his genes would still say "black male" if anyone looked at them.

See, scientifically there's a gene Jews have, it was apparently discovered around 2012:

In his new book, “Legacy: A Genetic History of the Jewish People,” Harry Ostrer, a medical geneticist and professor at Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, claims that Jews are different, and the differences are not just skin deep. Jews exhibit, he writes, a distinctive genetic signature...Geneticists have long been aware that certain diseases, from breast cancer to Tay-Sachs, disproportionately affect Jews...DNA ensures that we differ not only as individuals, but also as groups. However slight the differences (and geneticists now believe that they are significantly greater than 0.1%), they are defining. That 0.1% contains some 3 million nucleotide pairs in the human genome, and these determine such things as skin or hair color and susceptibility to certain diseases. They contain the map of our family trees back to the first modern humans.

Source: https://forward.com/culture/155742/jews-are-a-race-genes-reveal/ (also, be glad. I shortened this portion considerably when I realized how long it was getting.)

My brother and I both know what the bible says about Jews (grew up Christian, remember?), but if you look at their history, it seems more like they were just a disappointment to God. They were stuck in the desert for 40 years. Plus those 'blessed' people were rounded up into concentration camps. (and I smile at this because of a South Park episode...)

The quality is awful, but it's too hilarious not to share: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UDl6iRnQB4

You're right that the bible doesn't originally say anything about homosexuality, but the translations were changed. In 382 AD (I guess it's 'CE' now?), the Catholic church took apart the bible, deciding which books went in.

The books that didn't make it are now in the Apocrypha.

In English at least, there are so many scriptures against homosexuality. For a long time I felt guilty for being what I am, until I found a movie called Fish out of Water (on Netflix at the time) where a lesbian who grew up christian went to find out what the original translation said. It was so freeing to watch that I cried the first time I watched it.

I only mentioned my girlfriend because I feel awful for liking someone else while sort of dating her, but like I said it's been a month with no contact from her... Are we even still together after that long? I don't even know... I actually sent her screenshots of funny parts of the Attack on Titan manga yesterday and while I was in the middle of writing you, I saw she'd been online but still didn't respond. I actually got really disappointed and had to swallow my depression to keep writing, and that was about my second paragraph. She's also told me before she'll appear offline when she doesn't wanna talk to someone, so I'm wondering if she's done that with me lately...

Anyway, he's definitely my type. Kinda heavy, lumberjack beard, great sense of humor.

The one I told her involved blood everywhere. I told her I didn't need blood to be satisfied, but I guess I just freaked her out too much.

That's similar to what I want. I want to build my own estate on acres of land where I can have a buttload of dogs and they have room to run around. I also have to include a lazy river for my mom, haha.

I never really thought about the type of furry I'd be. In the game Amorous (PC only), I made my character male with large, pointy ears. You could also choose scales instead of fur, but I went with fur. I also gave him a long snout. So I guess a fox would be closest, though I colored him black and white. I liked watching his white thighs in throes of passion, haha.

I've seen Memento, but not The Haunting of Hill House. It's on my list though. I've just been in a horror movie mood lately, so I've been watching things that end in like 2 hours.

You do? Not sure what Swedish Metal is all about, but I'm gonna finish a Swedish horror movie soon. You have propably heard of Midsommar. It's from 2019 and suggested by someone for me to watch. The beginning is very good, although my favorite movie from 2019 has to be Parasite! Did you like Joker? In my humble opinion, once again, I think it is overrated. Sure, the composition of the scenes, Phoenix's skill as actor are very good, bit besides the two main factors there's not much more that makes this movie impressive. Parasite on the other hand though is not only unique... Did we talk about Joker?

Oh WOW that sound is pretty lit! I have to listen to more of their songs. Allow me to say it reminds me of an amv of one of my favorite anime Darker than Black. Here, if you want, is the video. I know it's Japanese, though it does sound similar, if you ask me.

Read and watch the video carefully. You'll see it's perfectly coordinated. This is one of the reasons why I like that amv so much.

You researched this topic almost to it's perfection, didn't you? Well, I never was into drugs or even alcohol (I drink beer sometimes or wine, yes). Were you interested in smoking just because of the sake of it or is there a reason?

A little while ago I watched a doku basically about Marihuana in a tv show named Galileo. It's one of the more famous and popular "knowledge shows" (not quiz) in Germany. They showed people or only one guy who is ill and needs the stuff to even live properly. I don't wanna imagine how it must be to be dependent on drugs...

Uff... No idea how to respond to something like this. So, there's "functional pot heads" and "disfuntional pot heads". I dunno if there are even terms for that in my language, to begin with. (Maybe idiots and full-idiots ?)

Oh, I'm really sorry for your friend. Do you know for how long he has been taken Marihuana or weed to feel better? He is propably used to it, by now, but that doesn't make it easier. Are you visiting him often? How is he, in general?

So, your past boyfriend takes weed, because he likes to? Is there anything I have to add to that... It's not like he's feeling bad all the time, I guess. So, there's nothing he justifies his actions with.

Does that mean you are talking to me, because I seem pretty intelligent, even though my English is relatively simple? :D What do you mean with "they wind up stoners", making fun of them or...?

When I think and talk about about a high IQ and high intelligence what is most important to me is less how much people know, but how much people can empathize, conclude and comprehend. A healthy general knowledge might be important, in the end, still. What is it people see in "general knowledge"(maybe a german term?) anyway? Exactly, everyone has a different opinion on it, to some extent and if so there's no real "general knowledge".


Wait, how does that make any sense? You buy the mask for your daily training not some hiking tour once a year. The mask, for sure, definetly doesn't make breathing easier. Weeelll whatever


What? You find it possibly this 15 year old boy or whatever has had tons of boyfriends?? I don't think so.... I know he didn't. And yes, it was stupid of me to abandon a good friend just like that, but as I said I wasn't very mature at the time.


Aaahhh a heavy stone is falling off of my broken heart. THANKS! No, really, I appreciate and tolerate your anger. Right now I'm thinking "what kind of psychologists are you, who can't handle an autism victim?" (No idea what they called me. I was at home when I heard the news, at least I suppose they didn't tell me personally. I can't remember what happend. I call myself autism victim (whatelse should I be called otherwise?)) Does a law like that exist in America? I really have no idea, but I agree with you. Maybe some of us are bad at concentrating for a long amount of time fex. Does it mean we are not able to work correctly? No, not really.

I don't think either of us mentioned Atypical already. It's a show I should propably watch to compare the guy or how people act around him to my own case. Thanks for the reminder. 🙏

Auties, that's cute.


Okay, you actually may be right there, but only half. It could've went like this scenario: Three Million jews were put in KZ's together with 4 Million "half jews", "a quarter jews", ... Because there was this system, which divided the population in these catagories, to get rid of almost 100% of the "jewish influence", I assume.


Your girlfriend is not exactly being nice here. I would write a serious e-mail or a message to let her know you want to talk with her or if she doesn't respond soon it's over. I can imagine how much it must hurt to be let down this way, but if she really doesn't care anymore about your relationship, then maybe you should hit on the guy in your class. One more thing, does that attidude suit her or not? Has she done similar things in the past?

I mean a sexual fantasy with blood is pretty odd, not to say scary. Still, I would not react like she did and sequester myself. 

Hope you will find a way that works out the best for you two. :/


I would write more, but there's three reasons why I don't. First of all it's once again too late, second you wrote about such complicated matters that it's hard to follow or have anything to respond with and third I wrote about so many things I'd like to have your opinion on, at least Parasite and The End of the F***ing World. Well, I would like you to be more cooperative. Tell me if you have nothing to say or are not interested in this stuff, ok? I know you once wrote you wouldn't write anything back if you have nothing at all, though if you could write that you're not interested or have nothing to say it would be great. (Still a little disappointed how you never wrote about The Witch)

I will have a closer look into your writing tomorrow, but I can promise nothing.


One last thing: I wouldn't trust these books or websites so easily, maybe they're wrong, but maybe our history classes/books were wrong the whole time. 


(If you can be so honest to tell me your sexual fantasy involves blood, then maybe I will write about what happend at my grandma's/uncles' place. It's especially peculiar too, although common....)

Sorry it took so long to respond. I just finished my last exam last night.


I've heard of Midsommer and plan to watch it at some point, but I don't know where I can at this time.

I've not seen either Parasite or Joker. I don't want to see Joker, either. It didn't look interesting to me. Parasite I'll look into.


I didn't see a video... Maybe you sent it on Discord, I'll check. I'm curious about it because a long time friend of mine makes AMVs on YouTube. I'm wondering if it's one of his. He's amazing at coordinating the lyrics with the actions taken.

I picked up smoking just because. I think it was peer pressure, but its been a decade and I can't really remember. I was only a social smoker though, didn't smoke very often on my own. I don't drink often any more either. I was an alcoholic when I was a teenager, little did my parents know. When I was 17, I started drinking when I had a cigarette.


My friend lives 1200 miles away; over 1900 kilometers. So I can't visit him in person, but we talk a lot on Discord. He doesn't talk much about it anymore, like you said he's probably used to it so doesn't bring it up much.

I've spoken to native English speakers who used simpler language than you do, so you're actually a lot better with English than you realize. I don't point out the spelling mistakes, though I can from now on if you like. I hardly ever notice grammar mistakes.

Not making fun of them, just a tidbit I noticed.

Well, I'd think some general knowledge is helpful. I mean, hair dryers have a disclaimer not to submerge them in water, and plastic bags have to print "Don't let children play with this, they could suffocate." That should be general knowledge. Common sense is lacking so much these days, it's ridiculous.


I don't like the term 'victim' when used in conjunction with 'autism'. It just sounds so negative. While it may impact our entire lives, I don't see it as a wholly negative disorder. Some of the smartest people in the world had autism, and they often make the best inventors and musicians. Famous living people with autism are:

Satoshi Tajiri, the creator of Pokemon; 

Daniel Tammet, also known as Brainman, is regarded as 1 of the 100 living geniuses today. A film was done based on his life named Brainman and he wrote a bestseller, Born on a Blue Day;

Tim Burton, famous director of The Nightmare Before Christmas, Sweeney Todd the movie, and others;

Bill Gates, Microsoft founder (The reason Windows OS and Xbox exist);

Anthony Hopkins, actor famous for playing Hannibal Lector in Silence of the Lambs;

Then there's speculation that the following deceased were autistic based on known issues: Robin Williams, Thomas Jefferson (3rd US President), Abraham Lincoln (16th US President), Mozart, Emily Dickinson, Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, Michelangelo, H. P. Lovecraft.

There's others, of every possible career throughout history, but these were particularly famous.

You're simply "autistic". Not an "autism victim". It's a mental disorder where your brain is wired differently, it's not a traumatic experience.


I finally messaged her. Apparently the problem was that I snapped at her when I felt she was badmouthing a good friend of mine, who I consider family. My apology wasn't good enough because I didn't realize her silence meant she was angry with me, which isn't fair because she's stayed silent when other things happened and it had nothing to do with me. I pointed that out to her and apologized again, but no answer. It's ridiculous. I can't read minds, and I'm not going to bother trying. 

I gave my number to the guy in my class, so we'll see.


I could've sworn I told you how I felt about The Witch... It was very slow moving with an interesting concept but I hated the execution.

As for End of the F***ing World, I haven't watched it yet. I'm not interested enough to watch it right away, but I will eventually.

Parasite I don't even know where I can watch it.


In the future, how about you add a symbol to the topics you DEFINITELY want a response to, so that we don't have this issue of you being disappointed I didn't mention it. Maybe add a # or a * to them.


All I can say is that history is written by the winners, and when something particularly heinous happens it's blown out of proportion. We still have black people pulling the "black=slave" card even though they haven't been slaves in generations. 

Hell, Abraham Lincoln didn't actually care about eradicating slavery. It was just a side benefit and yet everyone portrays him as this benevolent guy who went "Slavery is bad! Let's end it."

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So, oh boy, I hope It's not too late for me to get back into writing with you. 

As an explanation: I drove back from my relatives' place on Christmas day (24. in Germany) and struggled with sleeping/being awake at the right time of day. I didn't want to stay over Christmas there for... reasons. 

Now I am not sure what to do all day until my family returns. 😅😪


(I forgot our usual topic visual novels, what's wrong with me?? If you want we could discuss it on discord. I played through Adastra and will, after I'm done with this paragraph, start on The Smoke Room build one. The creator of Uncommon Breed is not going to publish any more public updates, which means I have to consider becoming patron again. Hmm)


Midsommar is highly and I mean it when I say HIGHLY overrated. I have no idea what everyone sees in that pile of trash, seriously. The only good thing I can say about that thing is the characters, including the protagonist, a girl, are pretty good actors. Everything else is hilariously boring, unfunny and uninteresting. Because you have no intentions on watching Joker, what I understand, I believe you won't like Midsommar either. Even though you can't really compare those two at all. It's more a feeling I have. After all we know each other for quite some time now. 

I suggested Corvin to watch Tusk and the movie is now on his “professionell written“ (it kinda is tbh) movie list... of shame and despair. Yep


Ahhh, btw Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays and whatnot... :3 I hope you had a fun and a good enough time. I haven't celebrated at all here at home, alone. But it's okay.


Apropo AMV's, I don't have more of these, but similar videos, I want to show you. I just came across them after listening to the soundtracks Stormsinger published on their youtube channel. You have an idea what I'm talking about? Well, you'll have to see... :P 

I noticed how Japanese songs and singers are not as “otherworldly“ as I thought. Yes, watching animes in their respective language is what anybody should do, but when it comes to music it's a different matter.

You propably remember that I wrote I enjoy different music styles from time to time and now I picked up on *this*.


If everyone smokes&drinks around you, I guess you almost have no say or else you would come out as being weird, maybe socially awkward even.


1900 km is longer than Germany is tall, so no wonder why you can't see him regularly. Imagine what would be if travel distances would be shorter in their entirety or we would have faster travel, as average comsumer. There would be nothing that stands in the way of quick vacations, for example, anylonger.

(I like how there's literally tons of topics you could ask “what happend if that was a thing“ about).

Sorry, I forgot what you said about him.


Oh thank you, now I'm a little flattered. No, you don't need to point out mistakes. It would make the process of writing me back just annoying. 

Okay, yes, very general knowledge should be a thing everyone is familiar with. But where do you stop generalizing the importance of whatever? I also think it's different from gender to gender and age to age too.

Have you ever done an IQ-Test? I definetly haven't and I don't think a few questions can figure out what somebodys level of intelligence is. I mean sure, it's possible to acknowledge how much someone knows, but how do you wanna do that with the total of your intelligence? That doesn't make sense to me, considering absolutely everyone has different natures/dispositions (if you know what I mean). As example: My grandma never had a connection to space or maybe Star Wars, is pretty clear, so asking her about black holes or Yoda should be a vaste of time.

Your examples are of course much more precised, though I assume you understand where I'm going with this.


I know, autism victim sounds not so nice. I used this term, because of no better one at hand and simply because of sarcasm or cynisism. A friend I made at the place I told you about (where everyone smokes) said to me autism are partially geniuses, something like that. You know, it's hard for me to believe, because so far my life is quite a mess. And 

I forgot for a second you are studying psychology. The reason why you know about all these people and the topic? 

I wonder if, when humanity survives long enough, there will be enough evolution and research to cure nasty diseases and propably autism too. To be honest I don't believe we will last another 100-150 years. There are too many bad things happening all around us and nobody seems to care one bit. Let me exaggerate once will you?

 

Reading minds is not one of my specialities either.

Sometimes people turn out to be bad after you are in a relationship with them, like Leo in Echo or they loose interest in you.

Know that what happened is by no means entirely your fault. In a relationship both sides have to work together to create harmony. That it doesn't seem to work as well as it used to can we see on how many divorces are happening lately. 

You know what I think? It's a pretty dark perception, but based on the bible I have a point. This “rising darkness“ is to me like a curse, which grows since human recollection. I also think humanity is an error or failed experiment made by god. Honestly though, I have no idea what to make of the big bang or the bible or the trinity or the sense of life. I expect there to be more than an afterlife in ecstasy (/joy, happyness). 


Ah ok then, but you have to agree the protagonists acting skills are really, really good.

Then... Watch Parasite illegal, it's very much worth it. Not alot cinemas (or theaters?) are/were showing it, in Germany at least. Here the cinemas are showing Disney and the other known companies, what I find stupid. Nobody, absolutely nobody needs you STAR WARS IX ! Such a bad movie, so boring.


I binge-watched The Witcher. A very good series with room for improvement still, but a good start nontheless. I read in a review that this person sees the first season as an intro and after watching it I agree with them to some degree. 

By the way I still recommend you Swamp Thing. It made it into my list of favorite series of all time. A Real disappointment that they discontinued it. 

From what I can recall you mentioned Rammstein once as one of your music choices, right? Well, I found out that there are some songs/bands I can listen to, which are alike and in German too.


Now I need to throw in another tbh.

To be honest all these facts are the least of my concerns, because first they are the past and second, let me write it again, we don't seem to learn from our failures. Thus history is almost useless and unnecessary.


I was wondering if I should create a profile on a dating platform... What would you suggest? Actually I want to find the love of my life in the “real world“ and not on the internet, but do I have a choice? I know there are ending up all kinds of bad people sometimes, though I would be careful.

Maybe you could help me a bit with a profile...


Finally, let me show you what I found. You still remember Morenatsu? But not the soundtrack I bet.

And this, my dear friend, is a version with Japanese singers!!

Now these are not from Morenatsu, as you can see, but I like them very much too.

This one is from a visual novel that has never been translated into English. Truly a cruel world we live in...

I suggest you turn on the English subtitles with the names of the singers. 

This is just a funny and quick animation.  I guess this is Chinese. Well, not exactly 😂

This one is your very unusual Christams Song. Both of these singers are also in both UTAU videos from above, I believe. There's one thing in particular that is quite funny, like a present so odd I can't describe it... 😂 I had to laugh.


This is not Japanese, but I love the animation and together with the song it's so emotional. Oh my words 🥺

Hope you like some of these. ;)

And best of luck with finding a new partner. 

So... How was your Christmas, then? It sounds lonely, but if you were more comfortable that way.


Were there ever public builds of Uncommon Breed? I bought it on itch so I got the updates.


I still want to see Midsommar so I can make up my own opinion.


I had a good Christmas. I think I told you on discord? I don't remember.


IQ tests are different than normal tests. They actually ask questions that are logic-based rather than knowledge based. In fact some test different types of intelligence and shows you the results at the end.


I guess I'm something of an autism activist... So I don't like that term at all. I also don't want autism to be cured. It's just another way for people to be different. Auties are where most of our inventions come from. 

I don't know all this because of learning psychology, it's because I've done my research of autism for various reasons. 


I'm skipping a lot because its been a while and I don't totally remember what we were discussing.


As for a dating profile, if you want to meet someone in the real world then just wait. You'll meet them eventually. I stopped with dating profiles a long time ago. I meet people without a profile all the time. Same way I met you usually, comments that don't stop and wanting to stay in touch with them.

You're only 18, you'll grow up, you'll go places, you'll meet people. Don't force it, your special someone will come along one day.

Christmas was fine. To be on your own can both be boring/lonely and exciting/progressive. I liked it to be in need for self-sufficiency.


Not sure, but now that you asked me maybe not. I haven't decided yet to be patron again. One route update a month doesn't seem worth it. Yes, it takes a while for a VN to have a decent amount of content. The reason why that is, is propably caused by the low patron number of Bytez – UB.


I need to watch The Lighthouse and Knives Out. Underwater seems like a B or C movie. Again Midsommar is very freaky and personally I don't know what to think of it, other than it's too slow paced and boring. The story is to me also not very well executed. The Actors/actresses do a fine job, but their roles are mostly plain and simple. I liked the beginning only, not more.


Whatever, I may have never attended one, but I'm sure a test can't cover every important field, unless the length is astronomical. Psychologists to me are just human too, who think of themselves higher and who think they can solve every mental disorder. (No offense you are not one of them)


Well, to be honest if every human is the same in their intelligents and physic life would be far less troublesome. Although I have the suspicion variety is a part of a key to evolution.

I remember you saying your older step brother is autistic. You are like my mom, who has done quite alot of research on that matter too.


Reading is hard isn't? ;P I know it is, but I also feel how it effects my vocabulary and therefore knowledge.


Yeah, waiting is a good idea. No need to rush for a relationship. A life as single it is ... Time is key...

Really? How lucky! 

In 10 days I am 20. :)

You're 28 is that right?

Sorry, I'm kinda depressed right now.

I like when people like my recommendations. And I like it, if I can be of help.
Santa Lucia is early state of the game. It's  gonna be similar to Morenatsu at some point. Apropo I need to keep playing till the end of Morenatsu or did I? ...
Sam is a very nice name. I love it. I always choose random names, but not something like 'garbage bin'. In Morenatsu Homecoming Hiroyuki is a fixed term (?).

I know I know, I hate that color. Thankfully not all the characters are in rainbowcolors... My guy had already sex with one vip patron of that etablissement. He's an alpha wolf and wants to see us again. I usually hate one night stands, but at least Smoke Room feels different in that regard, even though Samuel is a prostitute. The sex scene does not have cgi yet, they will propably add it.

I saw when KGT updated. Have they done alot of changes?

The Arcana? I will take a look, thanks. If I'd really wanted I could patch the apk easily to enable unlimited and free purchases..... I did it with Cells, because the game has to be repeated over and over again and bores me pretty fast.

What are these game names??? But seriously I never heard about either of them. 

I have to beat Adastra's newest open build, do Steamy Hot Springs, attend Tooth + Socially Awkward, play Identity (itch.io), play After Class, try Rogue and finish Fallen Hero: Rebirth (PlayStore (there's only one official Android app store. The other one is for iOS and called AppStore)). I hope Ortega doesn't hate me at the end of my chosen path. rolling_eyes The game is a masterpiece. I subscribed to a youtuber who is playing it. He had 30 subscribers last I checked. He got on the m/m route accidently and doesn't seem too bothered by it “maybe there's an award at the end“. The guy is Fiji and speaks clearly broken English (not fluid). His pronounciation though is mostly accaptable.


PS: You should watch The Witcher, only because of Yennefer. I love her character soo much. The role she has is very, really magnificent and memorable.