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this is pretty cute! the writing could use some work, the choice of tense makes the prose a bit awkward and the descriptions can be meandering. the dialogue suffers from being a bit too chatbox-y as well. the game is carried by very evocative art though, and the characters are solid, true to life among freaky queers. keep at it! writing's hard but you'll get there!

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Out of curiosity, what do you mean by "the choice of tense makes the prose a bit awkward"?  As far as I can tell, this is written in third-person past tense, similar to the vast majority of popular fiction.

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honestly i think i know what they mean, i wrote half the game in present tense and then changed it to past so some of it sounds really weird lol

i also mean that past tense is a bit clunky for visual novels, given that the player can "see" things happening in real time.