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A jam submission

A New EnemyView project page

An OPR Vignette by Dugzor
Submitted by dugzor — 16 hours, 55 minutes before the deadline
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A New Enemy's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Flow & Clarity#44.0404.192
Overall#153.6823.821
Concept & Originality#173.8173.962
Adherence to the Theme#293.1873.308

Ranked from 26 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted(+1)

I loved your take on these Saurians! Song/music being so central to the story made me curious about the artistic side of reptilian warriors, something I'd never thought to do before! Kudos for that! 

(+2)

I really enjoyed this as it’s a different viewpoint of the lizardmen and makes you think they aren’t just cold blooded reptilian warriors but have a culture and caring side. Loved it 

Submitted(+2)

This! I love the depth you've given them!

Submitted(+2)

Its a very rare thing to see a writing for Lizard folk in any setting that makes them interesting to read. Normally they are portrayed as somewhat void of emotion or very matter of fact (I could mention a very exceptions but that is beside the point).

This short story however does a fantastic job at making the them both feel very appropriate to their roots and yet explores something new and interesting in their mentality. Combined with some fantastic imagery and you have something gold. Love it!

Submitted(+1)

great story!

Submitted(+1)

I loved the use of the mystic and really the whole vibe of the piece. 

Submitted(+1)

This was a lovely piece of writing. I could practically see the sunset gardens and smell the fruit trees. I picked up on the reflective mood you were going for, and I thought it was well done.

Submitted(+1)

I love how singing is such a theme here; very beautiful!

It was difficult to picture the characters, though. I know brevity was part of the challenge but a few more words of description would have been nice. Also, the transition where they beginning walking to the temple felt very abrupt, and I was left wondering what Xochitl was thinking about the silence during there walk!

Overall, I loved the glimpses of the culture in your use of names. There were some beautiful passages!

Developer

Great feedback. Thank you!