I feel like I read a love story written by a psychopath who had never loved anyone and isn't capable of even projecting and faking the emotion, casting their long lifeless shadow on every character in the play.

Erin and Cygnus have nothing in common, barely spend any time together, and it's a mystery how they got together in the first place.

They never show their affection through actions, always only stating that they do love each other, like robots.

I don't believe them. There's absolutely no chemistry between them. Their writing ping-pongs between barren sterile statements and jarringly unfitting purple prose.

When  Erin decided to channel their inner Oscar Wilde and said "I want your name in my mouth, and I want to struggle to say it between my breaths." - I laughed out loud. It is decisively NOT something that could be said during sex by actual living breathing people.

I hate to write such a negative review, there really is a good story here, but it is buried under the rubble of your writing.

Maybe next time lean into your strengths and make the story a mock-play, with everyone obviously talking in a way that real people don't. Shine a literal spotlight on them and have them monologue lines full of pathos like they are on a stage.

It wouldn't be much different from what you already did here, except for being intentional.