The first chapter is well written. The second chapter becomes sloppy, and the sentences often don't make any sense. The female characters are mostly likeable, visually and personality wise.

The body organs during M/F "bonding" scenes don't line up. The train is in the side of the mountain, not the tunnel.

It's not "uff", it's written "oof." The Russian VN writers always change exclamatory words like "ahem" and "oof" to words like "akhem" or "ekhem" and "uff." Using "puuh" instead of the appropriate "phew" or "whew" and "tzz" instead of "tch" is also common with people who are not intimate with English. Put a spoke in your wheel? The saying is "monkey wrench in your plans."

It is "police are", not "police is" 

It's "noob", not "nub"    It's not "say less", it's "say no more"

This VN is supposed to take place in America, but there are Japanese signs everywhere. Nan no tame ni

If the writing was better, it would be great. As it stands now, it is just semi-decent.