Damn, this is the kinda fantasy story I like (NSFW parts are just a bonus). 

Only criticism I've got is I feel like everything is moving REALLY fast, like TOO fast. If that's just to get the story started and going then fair, and if that's the pace you wanna take the whole game for, then fair again. I'd say tho that if you take the pace down a few notches it'd bump the quality of this up so much, but that's just my take (I like slow burns, but not too slow ya know?). 

You do what you wanna do, but try to consider it. If at the end of the day you keep the same pace, then fair enough.

You've got a great start here, keep at it :)