As someone who has dealt with CSA, this felt very familiar. Obviously how I interpret my own trauma is different, but I feel like I can empathize emotionally. I am still getting help for my own PTSD, and recently was diagnosed with both forms of ADHD and autism, so just being ok with myself is still a struggle. I was able to find people who are able to help me see myself more, and I really hope you do/find those people for you. Trust is never the same, even with ourselves ^^; I know this is a stretch and you have no obligation to take this, but if you ever need someone to just listen, I'd like to offer that. (No idea if you are able to reply this or if you would need to find me, but my social handles are the same as my username here. Sorry if the offer makes you uncomfortable, again no pressure to accept it what so ever) Thank you for sharing your vent game :)