I don't know how to put into words what this meant to me. Nothings ever made me feel this way before. I spent the past 3 years identifying as a "transfeminine boy he/they". After 3 years of hrt I just thought itd be easier to be a guy. Less work. People would appreciate my features better if I was a girly guy instead of a girl. It worked. Everyone was in awe of my 4d gender chess. People either thought I was a trans guy or some nebulous androgynous thing. Never a girl. But at least I was something "non-cis" and for a time that was enough for me.

Then a few months back I realized I might be a girl again. 

I was happy. I was growing my hair out again. I was painting my nails. My hair was finally long enough to get it cut into a cute bob.

And they fucked it up.

My first haircut as a girl again and the hair dresser fucks it up and we have to take a lot of length off to fix it. It crushed me. I felt like i wasn't allowed to be a girl. That my attempt to be one again had failed out of the gate. Of course I was a guy. I was so stupid to think otherwise. Short hair and he pronouns are just easier. Harder to fuck up.

I was at a low point when I read this zine. Seriously considering detransitioning a second time. I was where ash was. I looked at my trans girlfriends and thought about how effortless they made it look. How I'm not like them. How I'm a man. 

Ash recracked my egg. I saw myself. I saw what ive been through. I want to stop pretending I'm a man.

The page where ash says "I understand now" might be my new favourite illustration. The feeling of clarity. understanding. Feeling whole again. Awakening when you don't realize you're even asleep. I'd get it as a tattoo.

The whole zine is painfully raw and real. Like everything I've experienced on my trans journey. I've been both Juliet and Ash at different points in my life. The envied transition goals, the boy who should just get out of the closet already. These characters are a wonderful pair. I love that ash is just accepted as a girl. There's no bullshit. She just is. I love that these two have 20-something t4t sex. I love their situationship. I loved everything about this zine. I love the layout of the panels. Very loose and flowing. Makes me feel like I'm in Ash's head. It's like stream of consciousness in visual form.

I love this zine. It inspired me to make a zine. It inspired me to be myself. I wish i could give it 6 stars.

I thought I wanted to be a girl. But Chaser taught me I need to be a girl.

Thank you.