Indie game storeFree gamesFun gamesHorror games
Game developmentAssetsComics
SalesBundles
Jobs

Spork

A 2D adventure with a sense of surprise. · By Tagurit Studios

[minor spirit of the game spoilers but not explicit spoilers] Confession(s)

A topic by Balloon Co. [gaming division] created Nov 11, 2017 Views: 303 Replies: 2
Viewing posts 1 to 3

Ahoy Tagurit Studios!

We at Balloon Co. [gaming division] have a confession to make.  Before the unfortunate employee we put in charge of moderating our comment section read your comment, that person kinda almost banned you as soon as the word Studio was seen, due to you being a company.  Now, we at Balloon Co. [gaming division] do not have anti-corporate bias, and thus are not companyphobes. In fact, some of our best divisions are part of a corporation, and some of our best computers come from corporations, and some of our favorite games are bootlegs of corporation made games, and some of our best friends we totally have are corporations, and some of US are technically corporation, and would an organization this defensive about being labeled companyphobes really be companyphobes?  Of course not, what a silly question.

However, before the ban could happen, a miracle happened: the computer froze, which so rare it only happens about 12-34 times a day!  And at that moment, the bored employee read your comment.  Then, that employee ran into the kitchen and got [REDACTED, comment from lawyer: remember, no doxing names in public contests.  First name privileges are reserved for Balloon Co. Uranium Plus Fan level membership emails ONLY] who was carving up the fish we caught this morning.  Then [REDACTED], and [REDACTED], and [Ok, looks like I’m going to be doing a lot of this here.  Time to use REDA as a shortened form of REDACTED] and soon the entire division was crowded around the by now unfrozen computer!

Reading your comment, we felt something deep down we never thought was possible.  Some individuals of us have had this feeling for humans before, but this was different.  We felt very hot, which we normally only feel when we have a fever or a computer catches on fire.  And while there WAS a computer on fire at the time, it was too tiny a flame to explain our hearts pumping blood at a much higher rate than it usually does!  It was then that we knew that Balloon Co. [gaming division] was IN LOVE with another COMPANY!!!

We instantly made plans to pilgrimage to the Tagurit Studio headquarters.  After undocking, we’d all run the rest of the way so that we could steal flowers from someone’s yard, bring them to your main office, get down on our knees, and ask you to accept the terms of a merger or buyout (we would have been happy with either).  We even had our game writer compose a grand poem where you doth teaches the computer monitors to glow bright and we’d all shout O Studio,Studio!  Wherefore art thou Studio! (we hoped you were not neighbors to another company with Studio in it’s title or that would have been supes awkward).

But just as we opened the door to rush out, our lawyers slammed that door on our hopes and dreams and faces.  It turns out our parent company, Balloon Co., has a stupid company rule called the CELIBACY policy.  It stands for  Corporate Expansion Liability Ban Anti-trust Commitment Yielding.  Our lawyers explained that Balloon Co. worried so much about either becoming or helping to create a monopoly that they banned any company mergers or buyouts.  Our love was forbidden love, and if us rebellious punks know one thing about forbidden love it’s that... you can’t do it, it forbidden!

So, our joy was converted into sorrow, and we tried to forget about you by drinking a whole lot of homebrewed bearberry schnapps.  But then a very buzzed lawyer who gave us this horrible buzzkill of a message re-buzzed us by reminding us that there was no company policy on being Corporate Buddiezzzz!  That cheered us up even though he was slurring that last word, and to celebrate we decided to play your contest game!

Now, in your game description, you mentioned that your game had a sense of surprise.  Normally, we at Balloon Co. [gaming division] avoid surprising games at all costs because surprises are scary and we don’t like horror games.  However, the fermented bearberries must have inhibited our fear survival instinct because we charged right into the face and elbows of danger!  And a good thing we did!  Thanks effect alcohol has on our brains!  

This game is a marvel of post-modern deconstruction!  So carefully, expectations are built, with tender loving care and with a base formed from gamer traditions as well as a roof crafted with promises of satisfaction, then EXPLODED with honey raining down because you’d expect a fire to rain down from an explosion but NOPE GET READY TO GET STICKY!  Then you use the honey to build a honey fort to defend against honey badgers but then BOOM it is useless because the honey badgers are actually anti-matter badgers that DISSOLVE THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE WHICH INCLUDES THE USELESS FORT!  It’s a game that makes one hunger for answers that can only be temporarily sated with fanfics.  It is an installation that forces the gamer to self reflect in a way few games/movies/books/songs/advertisements/instruction manuals/fortune cookies/letters in one’s alphabet soup are capable of.  The sad reality is, as you said our game carried the risk of being criminally underrated in this contest, we fear your game will be mortal sinly oceandepthsrated in this contest.  Still, just like how that ancient smart thinking person Plato inspired Play-Doh by  trying to describe the sun to those people in the shadow puppet cave, you truly are virtuous for providing free of charge this art to the people and judges of this here contest.  All of us at Balloon Co. [gaming division] salute you!  And, since you were almost banned by him, we made sure [REDA! Whew, was worried I wasn’t going to be able to use my cool shorthand for REACTED after Bogdan stopped giving away employee names] ate the fish we had forgotten to cook all those hours ago as punishment, but he turned out ok and the rest of us were hungry so we need to come up with better punishments than “hoping he’ll get a tummy ache.”

PS.  We saw in the credit menu of your game you mention that RPG maker doesn't include many dark skinned character for their default RPG maker sprites and that is absolutely true!  We had to pay for their devious little "character reaction hub" to get a darker skinned protagonist for our last contest entry.  We totally should have included this problem in our game/game description!  Good job pointing that out.

Developer

Tagurit Studios Response to Statement by Balloon Co. [gaming division]

COOLTOWN, November 11, 2017–Tagurit Studios confirmed today that feelings expressed by Balloon Co. [gaming division] are requited. Furthermore, Tagurit Studios hereby accepts the proposal by Balloon Co. [gaming division] to become Corporate Buddiezzzz. We feel that this technically-not-a-merger will have great effects on both companies' ability to consistently put out great debut games for the years to come.

The decision was made unanimously by the board based on the fact that our testers saw a kinship with Balloon Co. [gaming division]'s 2017 release The Protest Vote. Internal reviews said, "there's no mild-to-severely complex RPG combat that makes us feel dumb," and "there's a passion for subverting expectations that frankly makes us see a bit of ourselves in this game." People within Tagurit Studios also praised the Balloon Co. [gaming division] public relations department for their outstanding ability to build brand recognition and remind their customers of a company that probably inspired both Tagurit Studios and Balloon Co. [gaming division] but sadly is no longer in the business of making games as they have become one of the corporations Balloon Co. [gaming division] has proudly made it their mission to rebel against.

About Tagurit Studios

For more than six days, Tagurit Studios has been providing fans with great game(s) that showcase somewhat competent use of the RPG Maker engine. The company displays a remarkable business prowess in its strategy of having zero overhead cost and making zero money. Players of games by Tagurit Studios report minimal physiological side effects and say playing a Tagurit Studios game inspires them to go outside.

###

(+1)

Whew, some of our lawyers were worried that our submission would be rejected due to Corporate Buddies being misspelled, but it turns out they drunkenly stumbled upon an even more exclusive legal status they didn't realized existed: Corporate Buddiezzzz!  You must have much smarter lawyers than we do!  

By the way, Balloon Co. [marketing division] found out about our relationship, and tried to force us to advertise our website to you.  Jokes on them: our website hosting got taken down MONTH ago!  But then SOMEBODY who shall NOT BE NAMED but shall be on ice fishing duty for the next week blurted out that our Tumble website that for years is still up.  (Despite our email to tech support, they still haven't fixed the weird misspelling.  Whoever created the site must not know English as well as our translator, because they slept Tumble as "Tumblr"  Anyway, while we are currently internet homeless, [marketing division] is legally obligating us (the worst kind of obligating) to reveal our Tumblour shelter for our games: https://balloonco.tumblr.com

Each of our games is very different in style and substance from each other, as well as from our current contest entry, so enjoyment of one may not transfer to the other.  We also wish to impose no obligation on your employees to play our games due to the risk of us  possibly being too busy/lazy to play your body of work beyond your contest entry.  But hey, if something looks enjoyable, enjoy it!

~Balloon Co. [gaming division]

Note: This message has been cleared by Balloon Co. [marketing division]  Replacement computer delivery has been sent.  DELETE THIS NOTE BEFORE SENDING.