Alright then, these are some that I noticed.
Most of the missing commas are right before a form of address:
Get in here, lad.
Come along then, darlings.
Wait here, loves.
Would you, dear?
Come along, boy.
You'll be back, right?
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Also found another typo:
Should be "The Scion fidgets".
Sorry if this is too much or too pedantic! Wanted to reiterate that this was a very sweet story :)
What a sweet tale! I love fanwork so much, especially when someone does the work to make an interactive one. It was really heartfelt!
Normally I wouldn't mention typos, but since you wxplicitly asked for them:
Should be "the more /you/ lean on proverbs."
should be "analogy" instead of "anology".
Should be "But /our/ chairperson" instead of out.
Missing screen title?
There's a few missed commas as well, but you might consider that too minor to note. Loved your work!
