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Sarvto

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A member registered Mar 02, 2020 · View creator page →

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I think I'm starting this off a build behind this one.

That was quite twist of a dream, to far from the ones I've been having recently, but of an emotional kind.  As if a glimpse of something beyond comprehension.  Headache too, torn between the there and the here and now.

How I miss the feeling of learning, and the structure of a schedule.  I think that is what I have been missing most to keep grounded and focused, now that I am, at this point in time, feeling like I am floating in the void, never far, but just out of reach.

A sense of community, a sense of kinship , a sense of purpose... this what I need but I need it in person, if I don't take a step forwards in a direction I've hesitated to travel, I would forever be holding myself back.  This what school helps to accomplish, but it only last for so long.  When one door closes, a new one must be opened, but it must be done so despite the apprehension.  Slow and steady...

My mind lately has feel a swirl of feelings and thoughts as much as the soundtrack... I will never stop praising the talent of everyone in the collective work on this VN for how it fits together in both wonderment and grace.  Gives me shivers, but with a smile.

Ah interviews, very important indeed, regardless if one agrees or disagrees with what they have to share, asking questions is key to understanding not only what one thinks or feels, but why they think or feel that way.  The key to understanding is to always go beyond/below the surface.

One again though can't help feeling miffed that this guy has no sprite or CG to show him..., but then again I said that about each of Kat's BFs too..., though that was Kat... I even said that about Ben's ex as well, but that was too open ended to be worth it to make all the possible combinations..., damn.. why am I such a helpless sucker for Canines and Felines?... hehehe... better to have small miseries than big upsets though.

Getting hired right out of college... how I wish things were that simple these days..., but between there being so many people getting a degree that fits or doesn't fit an existing job out there, and companies having ever increasing expiations of those starting at the bottom, there is getting to be an increasing gap beyond that of financial toll.  Still when one is lost, they just need some guidance and a helping hand, to know that not all of their efforts have been in vain.  Having a heart is what matters in the long run.

Something positive to look towards, no matter what is in our way, for me, that is my resilience, that no matter how often I may feel I've hit rock bottom, that I'm never there for but a relative moment.

On a tangential note, I still maintain that while I said from the start that Bryan/too forwards isn't my type, even while I am pursuing Carlos and Carlos alone, in terms of a friend he has grown to feel just right, that even without a romantic spark, he feels like he belongs in his own way.  As for Nate its more neutral, for him its rather that while I do apricate the many forms of art out there, I do not share the same level of passion or devotion as he does, and to me its rather that I feel like I am the problem in trying to be with someone like him.  I am happy for them both, but I don't feel like I fit he way I do with Carlos, where I feel like what he believes in and expects are highly similar to my own.  I feel like he is a mirror to me, half equal, half opposite, a right balance to balance myself without it ever feeling too much or too little.  God... I know this is fantasy/fiction, but I still cannot help falling so hard for them.  As if the very work is its own real world and reality.

I am a time sink ^^;, all of this in response to so little, both about me and not... always having more on my mind than even I realize, but give me a direction and I will blaze my own trail, even as I stumble or land on my face. 

Now now Ben, don't go getting TOO excited! X///D  Ah... Carlos, equal parts both someone concrete and a mystery, just enough to keep you on your toes, but not enough to feel alarmed.  Oh Benny boy... *sigh* hehe, but I do enjoy how its slow, it makes me feel all the effort is more apricated.  It feels me with glee how I squirm the same as Ben to feel as he feels in this moment, but also to Carlos for I sleep in my my only the bare minimum as well, but to prevent mishaps... >//..//< hehehe... Those arms and legs, that slight gut, that soft yet stern face, all those stripes...

As much as I'd like to see it all myself, I value more thinking about others than myself..., now just doesn't feel like the right time... this feels like something to savor for how it is, instead of trying to turn it into something it is not, small steps, small steps.  Who says that relationships themselves can't be edged? ;/3  Hoho! Attaboy! I'm tickled! It feels so in line with my own thoughts!  Holy crap! ://D  Even if that was to be expected, I'm still caught off guard! DAMN! >/./<

And next... this... THIS!!! This why I value the Golden Rule so much, why it is such a foundation and cornerstone to interactions, for, to me, to make another happy is to make oneself happy, hence why the value of sharing is also important.  If you don't give a certain emotion, you can't receive that certain emotion, if you don't receive a certain emotion, you can't give that certain emotion.  It is like money but with emotions, but their only value is what you give to them regardless of which end you are on.  It is a 2 way interaction in the end, and only when both can agree on it holding the same value both directions do you ever get the best results, for better or worse.

Chest pains? Hrm... And on this note I know I have people out there who care about me, but I don't feel it, I need something more than mere words, yet at the same time, I don't know how they can help me..., it sort of puts up an unintended wall, and cause of friction where there shouldn't be, for it also means there is a lack of trust, safe from allowing yourself to be let down by them, but also self damaging...

Except a great portion of the world doesn't seem to ever believe in schedules... with lack of proper organization, its no wonder there is some form of chaos to bear 1st, 2nd, or 3rd handed witness to these days... and generally people with too much time on their hands and not enough things to dedicate their focus on...

We knew it would likely happen, back even before route selection, if one was paying attention and choose the right door... its not the same as issues or complications of drugs as Andres, but its till the same feeling of watching someone just rot away and not be able to help them other than to try to ease their pain, if even possible..., that inevitability numbs the impact, but it still hits hard all the same, hell aside from my grandparents, I even got people I was never ever to meet or properly know out there who have died for various unfortunate reasons..., not knowing them make it hard for it to hurt so bad, but the idea of never getting to know them is where the rest of the pain lies... its also in flipside, that despite my anger with some, could I myself ever want to deprive others close to them?  Even yet again as this is a work of fiction... can I ever not feel sorry for what I have lost or never had? Can I for others despite what I see is misguided intentions or notions?  Its true we cannot be there for everyone at all times, but I'd hope by being there for those we can, that eventually things would work their way to those we cannot help too.  Nothing is ever so simple when life throws roadblocks in our way, causing a breakdown of communication and understanding, and sometimes turns into neglect.  What do we fight for when its no longer clear who the enemy even is?...

This moment in the VN could not be better to capture how I am feeling in this moment.  That look... that pain...the things we hide because we do not want to think or dwell on them... until comes a time there is no other way to look at it... the feeling of being robbed of what could have been, even if it was never to be...

Drugs good or bad, that stand to alter how you mind works, aside from for those who could never function without them, stand to always be double edged... they have their uses, but in the end its not the real you there... with recent events making me want to suddenly quit my anti depressants that I have been taking for some 17 years, its like blowing up a dam... to restore natural order through the destruction of an artificial façade..., despite how much it may have helped, it also held back..., I was never able to easily be sad when I ought to be, and when I was happy it was only because I was overly fixated on something... I've always felt that over the years taking a step forwards lead to taking two or three back... but perhaps this time I have to break myself harder than ever before to more forwards, to take one giant leap back..., I have always despite my wisdom felt I was behind everyone else, everything slipping further and further away, but also to complacent and reliant on what routine I had developed to see any other way.

I am glad to have the perspective shift again... its feels crucial at this point of events.  To understand is to know how others see things, and why.  Heh... the kindness and caring of others, but better even in person... it is the feeling of kindness or neglect that generally stands to push us down the most extreme of paths at every fork in the road..., and this what happened to wedge these twins so far apart from each other... one got neglect and the other praised, simply because their parents could not be there more, simply because their family was so large they had to put in more work to provide... this is not to say having a larger family is a bad thing, but if you put too much more responsibility in there than you can handle and something WILL break... (a law/rule of overpopulation?? I'm not sure what he right terms would be...) its crazy how much even the best of intentions can go awry...  its in a way its own sort of humanitarian crisis, but the enemy comes from within, from oneself... reach too high and the sun shall burn you, reach too low and the depths shall take you... dreams can only ever succeed if they are grounded and temper by reality, or simply realistic expectations, and careful planning... the smallest oversights often is all that is needed to topple everything...

Once again to dreams, that I feel like is me having lived another life, something now coming to me frequently like they have meaning, but evaporate and distort faster than a solid to a gas... makes me shiver...

Well that is one way to Russel us Russell! XD Even I derped!  And then to the other kind of russeling... down boy! now isn't the best time!, but its hard to not let things drag on too...  though here I am forcing myself to distance myself from a similar situation of being forced around like Russel..., though rather it is I who could no longer trust anyone to be there for me... those who could help me didn't and/or couldn't do anything to help me, and so things just kept slipping, but I couldn't directly involve anyone else, so I had to blow up what was left on my end, as a means to keeping anyone involved form sinking further... that feeling of neglect really gets to you and starts to ruin even the best things you have..., but it is all the more why I need to focus on myself and reality that is before me.  Martyrdom is most painful..., but better to keep it small lest it have true ramifications... part of it is why I am posting here instead of somewhere more easily accessible, one can't rewind time, but one can rewind technology! heh... *sigh*

Aw... darn... wish could have seen the rest of the day with Russel..., but I reckon that interaction was the highlight/point.  I was in Elementary School and already had a thing for awkward things/moments... I can't tell if that is a good thing or a disturbing thing... heh... the importance of getting out to distract yourself from your worries, god how I need more of that! Aussie! [ :D ]  *facepaw* damn Russel! XD

Independence and outsourcing never can mix! NEVER! XD   Hrm.. traffic Jam... what kind of bread does that go with?   I hate those assholes too! >.>   And that I why one is to ask first if they are unsure!  Oh gawd... I feel glad Zach is not here! Jeez Russie!  Well its certainly not Pier 1... hehe

Taken by WPP??? Those glasses...   that dread...

Damn! Lucky kitty!  Wait... interesting thing to notice, but view from PH, with Chris in middle, far building spires look like devil horns on his head... o.o

And back to the grind... but not with the best results, though they could be far worse!  First Nate or First Mate? Really Ben? Lying to a Law Student? X3  What is black and white and reads you all over? XD

Even my head hurts from thinking about all these things and typing all of this... sad and serious gives me quite the Pension for being Pensive! (Writer? Joke?)  Though set the mood, set the scene, set the stage, and I will follow, for the sake of seeing just how much I can identify with.  Shift topics, shift, focus, shift mindset, but it all revolves around that initial drawing in of interest, and you all have never failed to deliver even once, whatever may be the worst blunder made along the way thus far has still been a work of art.

Bleh! If only I could put this much effort into a college essay! Its always easier from it comes from one's own experience!

Unfortunate that this is only as far as a proof of concept/demo, but using some sort of game engine this seems like it could be lots of fun!  If I can translate it, I should be able to understand it better too!  Both for story and Dev wise/the effort you put into it.

May I ask what program you used/how to use it with this app?  I'm curious to the text and conversations.

Now I know why its called a Segmenter, how adpt a name.

While I would prefer safety, when given that safety can no longer be guaranteed even when it normally should be, it only leaves that you should do something..., but you still need backup..., good thing Theo does!

I feel like I need a map to properly understand where exactly they are on the property...

First time "bones" aren't a "key" heh...

Sure! Blame it on the kid for you not telling him the specs on the thingymcbober!!! *facepaw*  Be glad it wasn't a gun! Jeez!  Wouldn't want tigger happy with something like that would we! *shivers*

Doesn't seem like there is much new to go on... but not everything has been looked into yet to determine its value, so its hard to know without finer details.

Ah.. chronic depression... my lifes story... the me you don't see... with recent events 'm seeking to tossing away my meds... its true they helped, but hey have also hindered... to consider about 17 years of life half a lie because of it, because it was not truly me.  They were nothing but a damn holding everything back and everything in, but perhaps its time to let it out... trade one sense of living for another... I always try to be honest but humble, curious yet cautious, but in the end a lot of what is not shown by me to others is my inner turmoil, because I do not want to needlessly burden others.  With my meds gone it was like a raging storm, but now it like a strong tide, irresistible, but merciful.  So many things I've should have been sad for over the years that I was simply not able to.  I also recently lost my Grandfather too, now both my grandparents are gone from my dad...  While I've enjoyed spending time with them I only ever really felt close in elementary school, but hat was also a time where I was not aware of many things out there in life... and other issues kept me from ever enjoying it, leaving me in a state where I wish I could have spent more time, but also felt it did not feel right.  Such is the torn nature of my life and thoughts, unable to ever truly let go of the past, even the past I was never part of, before my time, but at the same time moving on.  A schism of my own autism, feeling both so old, yet still never really awake, stuck between unknown dreams, yet still here in reality.  In sense I'd describe it as a feeling of not bipolar of happiness and sadness, if all I've truly felt is sadness after all, but of the other axis, between silly and serious.  Without a sense of happiness though I can hardly feel silly, just a quiet but serious solitude for regrets I am unware and unsure of.  I continue to burn, but down to a low dim setting, at this pint in time, same as the foggy overcast skies are this week where I live.

I apologize for the spiel, but this also how I feel about rain, it confines for a time, and lets you check and reflect.  A somber and dim feeling, but not one devoid of purpose or life.  Both oppressive and yet a blanket of its own.  Small, yet here I still stand.

Proceeding on and in line with my own flow of words.  Yes I would like to think there some higher power, but it is incomprehensible and unable to be defined, and so it makes it hard to believe, for it is an unknown.  That is why I seek to believe that the power is something that goes beyond common religion, because there is nothing about to be made concrete.  It is an abstract, and common religion is too concrete.  Much is the same with my mom and religion in concern to my dad, let alone many people out there, as to how could they let people suffer... one thought is perhaps that here are too many people in the world, aside from the amount/lack of believers, that they can no longer perform miracles on the equivalent scale as in times of old.  Religion was made in any of its forms as a means of unity, aside from the idea of thought control.  When even there is fights over what god even is, it breaks that unity, and belief on both sides suffers.  To me, if a god ever exist, he existed in multiple forms/interpretations, for the sole purpose that it was tailored to the ways of life of the given people in one land as compared to another.  The idea that each god was the same god, but was a separate system that worked with the flow of their lives.  Like many a system though, once neglected or back turned from the core or initial principles, it breaks down and/or implodes, to the point that no two areas that claim to follow the same religion can even identify with each other.  In the modern day it is no different with mass beliefs, once enough of them turn their backs on what was initial purpose that identified them, that credibility gets shot, and not only is there infighting, there is a tug of war then from both within and without, with it being made hard to know who is right and who is wrong or what is the best course of action.  Such is the risk of overpopulation/oversaturation, let alone removal from being aware of the core that started it all.  Diversity is good for any sort of ecosystem, but too many foreign elements without careful oversight and time taken, natural order is disrupted.  Such are the largest and most repetitive sins throughout history.  Its make me think at times of myself and my own beliefs and actions, am I really acting? or am I only reacting? is what I am doing right, just, and fair? Even in my anger I wish I could have a means to see things differently, for I do not want to harbor grudges, but when backed into a corner, without an alternative, it is all there is left, and it also in turn makes me afraid of myself, for not being able to see any other way.

Similar responses to both the other questions, of course I would like to think we aren't alone, but without proof it is but a flicker of possibility, and of course I/anyone would want time travel to fix our (singular and/or collective) mistakes, but to change even a single thing is but a butterfly effect of the course taken of alternate timelines, leading to an end result that ruins everything you had known...

What is most important to me... so full of many beliefs and hopes, I am still unsure of what I really want or strive for... in that I am a lone wolf, but even still a lone wolf needs a pack, a sense of belonging, no matter how independent one may be.  I am not simply chasing..., I do not even know what I am trying to chase, but neither am I able to stop chasing, for I cannot be certain if I have ever made an impact, something beyond what could be considered my own bubble.  I'm no saint, but I do not wish to sin... that is why is even my creulest thoughts I do not think I could ever bear to have them reality, no matter how much I may wish for them, I am always held back for better or worse by the core of who I am.  Its why despite the craziness of the world, what I desire most is mercy and the means to come back from the worst of things.  That there is always a way, no matter how hard.  That we must all have heart, for in real life that is what makes us human.

Our deepest scars are the ones not visible to the naked eye.  And then right there too the conflict of mind and heart.  he heart clings, even as the mind knows to let go.  This doesn't mean its the absolute end, it is merely the end for now.  One of the reasons I felt there were subtle ways the special could be canon, but only if you took out what made the special... well special... This feeling Theo is having is ore less exactly how I have been feeling, so torn between what is wanted, and what is right.  There is also always tomorrow, as said, one thing at a time, just need to figure out what it is.

This also marks the third VN/Build that seems to resonate with how I feel in this moment of time as well as the things that I ponder in the back of mind from time to time, but never in as much earnest as this time.

Bleh feels like I keep giving sermons, but it represents just how deeply it makes me think, like a mirror, but not a one for one mirror.

I do... so many..., but at least I can say I alone am the reason for how I feel in this sense...
Sometimes I dive too deep, but there does seem to be a difference when it is done upon oneself, when you know it is your own darkness.

It seems to keep it from being a struggle, and letting oneself rise ack to surface, from comfort of knowing it your owns fears.

I wouldn't be surprised if its the only thing keeping me sane and from feeing rock bottom all the time.

Oy... does the night ever bring about my most abstract thoughts.

The opening is a bit rough and abrupt, but sometimes it may make more sense later or smoothed/more detailed.

I think I see the initiate theme/idea, but I myself have a hard time putting it into proper words to describe it, what I want to say is close, but I think misses the point.  I think this proves this is dealing with something I do not understand well enough of.

Dwat!? Oh that is sort of new... I knew I was missing something... *facepaw*

While my life isn't this hell, sometimes I can't help imagining it... While in life I am resilient and to bounce back from things eventually, I can't help but keep thinking at times a part of me is really just alone... flailing in the darkness, to await a lonely end... makes me wonder what life or existence it might be an echo of...

Confusion... not knowing meaning or intent or purpose... but sometimes things are beyond our grasp to ever understand, when words fail to describe the blur of something with no discernable form...

Uncanny that at time of trying this, my own dreams feel no different... fleeting and incomprehensible, nothing to discern, devoid of meaning, a blur unable to be remembered other than that is all it was..., even a dream journal could not help even if I were to be using one...

A place where life seems dull and fleeting... surrounded by a souless and timeless ever present gray... where the past, present, and future might as well be considered one... an existence without meaning... a trek that feels like a march of the damned...  and then the one place left where some hope may shine, even as its only a dull flicker...

If I were not alive, I feel like my heart stopped working for a moment..., this is also part where a CG would be perfect... since I do not expect these young uns to ever have sprites..., in this moment to have the heart ache but also feel numb to the pain... a vague sense of deja vu for me without any reason for it..., I have never felt such sorrows for real..., so why do I feel like I've seen something similar???

Am I looking into it too much? Perhaps..., but to me all I can do is read and listen and respond with how it makes me feel.  Even when there lacks a point, that may be the point.

Also making me think..., what if we lived in a world that was beyond saving, nearly destroyed and inhospitable, yet still just short of that infitismal %age of being permeant... where life is barely even living, yet there is just enough to be able to press on... that very thin line, as if the last strand, yet the strongest one...

I'm not sure if I am anywhere close...,but I don't feel I am anywhere far...

Even "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" (Greenday) isn't somber enough to be fitting this atmosphere, the song while about being broken and alone, still feels of life... this though, feels like all light has been short of snuffed out, yet still shimmers for all it is worth...

There must be a reason for this world created to exist as it does..., yet I find myself more afraid for once of knowing the answer...

One piercing thought does comes to mind though this gloom, what if this world is but a joint fabrication of those mentioned of NULL???  Though even then that only explains so much... the world by all means does not stand to be fake, but it could be thought as an existence far removed from even the laws (if they could even be defined) of (sub) consciousness?  Something higher than even gods of gods of gods...

Gosh this making me think so abstractly, but at night, its what/when I am able to do it best.

On the subject of gender/etc. its more opposite, rather it seems based on perception, and perception of the characters themselves at that too, as opposed as it being that of the viewer/player towards the characters.  I appreciate being able to see an example of this reversal.  To see what is like to be on the other end.

Even if there is lack of proper reason for it, having some purpose to take pride in is important, especially if it something basic designed to improve one's life.  For that I can understand Ertbo.

In the absence of higher technology, books are perfect... until I came upon the stories shown in games, let alone VNs, they were perfect and treasured... their value to me may have been lost, but heir worth in whole remains the same.  A reason sometimes to yearn for simpler times and years gone past... II think the spark for me in general stands to fade when I feel like I am the only one doing something amongst those I can come into real contact with that I can deem as my peers.  A sense of community or belonging, a sense of someplace where I could to help others as much as they could help me.  Its crushing to realize just how muted my life really is, that all I've really done is exist rather than live.  I must press on though, its all I can do.

This also goes with that despite being "luckier" (relative term here) than many that are out  there, I can't help feeling like they are the ones who are truly luckier... it perhaps goes with the saying that less is more...

Another sentiment, this time one that I feel like is something that really embodies a lot of how I feel and think, the waves and fluxuations, the crests and crashes, and the ripples and spray...  though also too the illusions it can bring... that when you feel like you are rising you are actually falling, and when you feel like you are falling you are actually rising... sometimes its hard to tell, but it can be all relative to ones viewpoint.  It is something that stands to make one question their onw judgement on matters.

And with that it comes to end, with it I feel tired, sad, empty, yet at the same time a sense of happiness, to see something that expresses some of my darkest/existential thoughts.  Where do you go from here with this VN? I cannot be sure, but asking questions related to what has been portrayed, and then finding some answer, that is my belief in being able to finding proper answers to many things.  It is always about looking deeper.  I can only thank you for what you have made thus far, and how much it has made me think about things I have not even thought of thinking about for some time.

WHAT!? but...

I have to trust there is a reason and purpose...

Even if this what I must look forwards to..., I did not just watch "Arcane" and "Dota" on Netflix for nothing...

I can't help the equal feeling of disappointment and sadness and that of how wonderful the orchestration and flow is...

Even if what I have dealt with, am dealing with, and will deal with, makes me want to run and hide in despair as much as I also wish to make a stand against.  Is real life really "Stranger Than Fiction"? (A movie) or is fiction just a form of manifestation of another's reality?

As much as I want to let go, I cling... as much as I want to cling, I must let go...

This may be a work of fiction, but it still bites too deeply... even if I cannot completely move on from yet another tragedy, I must accept it still... I must cling to my belief and hope, just as much as much in real life, that they will all be able to meet again someday...

Even when gone it cannot truly be the end... to me, even the creation of fiction is but the creation of another reality ("Inkheart" series), and there is always ripples, no matter how far...

When I had tossed you my "fun" idea awhile back, it had been in the height of happiness, a height of hope, a height of foolishness, for it can blind you to just how quickly tragedy can wipe everything from existence.  Funny how even as wise as I try to be, am but only me, and that I am only reading what is to come while already in the depths of despair...

It ironically or fittingly... I cannot be sure, makes me want o cling to you as much to cry out WHY? as it is to appreciate you for all your efforts...

In being autistic in the way I am... I cannot help my duality of never quite being my own age... I can be as wise as I can be desperate..., as childish as I can be stoic, as firm as I can flimsy...

Right here right now... as bizarre or awkward as it could be... it makes me wish I could cry, in my vain hopes, right in your arms or beside you, in person... to mourn the same way I think Ludus will to Leo.

I cannot help myself but express my thoughts and feelings, to me its of vital importance, even if in the end it accomplishes nothing...

I'm sorry to be like this...., but it also only makes me eager for an inverse reason to look forward to what you must have planned.  I'm just glad that it will at least fit together, its the only way I could ever accept it.  Even in sorrow I must look forward to the future.  Thank you so much, so very much.

After this latest build, I have a thousand questions...

This a lot of what feels missing form my life, the feeling of being able to bond with others in person, because I don't go out enough, to be with family like things used to be, to have something to do to give proper self worth (a job), a sense of belonging.  This is stuff I myself have to work on, but at the same time keep feeling scared.  I only ever feel happy if I can make others happy, so as much as I love having some form of ability to identify with the characters, its not real, it only makes me feel good for as long as it lasts.  I can't help but express how I feel, and long for simpler times.  Days gone by that we can't ever get back... and on top of that always feeling behind on the times.  Got to stop looking at the past so much, but I can't help it, I can't help with it at times when I don't feel like there is a future, and when I do see a future, it is all but fantasy...

This is what this work/build makes me think of.

Salmon! <3

I missed the window for 1.9.5 ...

but I'll take anything, I've been dePhileoLudusized for long time!

Claim what you want, but your inability to let things go is what has kept this going.  And you have no care for who drag through the mud with you.  At this point you mat never be able to shake me.  You know what you have done.  You know you have broken things beyond repair.  You know you have turned your back on the very messages of Komorebi.  You know you have betrayed even yourself.  You know you area coward.  Here I stand, I stand up for myself, while all you do is hide.  I hate sniveling cowards.

There can be no peace because you do not want peace.  No admit it you want me to hate you.  You see me as nothing but a toy for your own amusement.

Another question is, how long do want to keep this going?  How much spite do you have?  How lost are you in yourself?

The fact that I am getting any sort of response is what lets me know I am hitting my mark.  The fact that you would disagree with even praise, let alone dare to make death threats, tells me you are someone who can't be trusted to honest at all.

I pride myself on being open and giving my thoughts.  My opinions do not make me correct, but repeated observations stand to incline me to believe I am correct.

You do not believe in middle ground, you do not believe in apologies, you do not believe in letting things go, you do not believe in rules, laws, or regulations.  To you all that matters is yourself.

The fact that you are willing to deface even Klace's music is what tells me you have no care nor comprehension for your actions.  And I thought you claim to a degree in literature?  So disappointing that you lack the ability to take a step back.

Round and round it seems we shall go, when we stop..., only you have the key.

I'm sorry, but I don't recall for your rudeness.

Oh wait I'm out of sorries, better focus on yourself now!
No fucks left to give for those who give no fucks!

Try again sometime after some more education!

Those who feel threatened make threats
Those who are unhappy make others unhappy
Those who are irrational care not about who they hurt, nor consequences of their actions
Those who fear judgement are first to judge others

Toxic behavior is only ever endorsed or ignored by toxic supporters

Rather than be civil, they seek to shun others just cause, for they refuse to listen to reason and go off half cocked

And when you have a situation that is refused to be resolved, it will start to bleed everywhere

Even the smallest of wounds left unattended can be left to get infected, fester, and rot, and then it is everywhere.

In the initial event I apologized, they didn't care, I sought to drop it, they refused to drop it, I informed them that they are acting like the very stereotype that plagues the internet, they didn't care, they then gone out of their way to ruin the good names of several places through acts of cowardice, rather than address issues head on.  What you see is nothing more than an endless struggle because they continue to perform their actions unimpeded, claiming themselves as the victim.   Yet they are the ones going around and dragging the outside drama with them.  Forcing their way into places and positions of power just to laugh at the thought of being able to deny others access just because they feel like it.

They continue to feel threatened, because they refuse to drop it, to let it go.  Because they won't let it go, I am strung along with it.  They hold the key but they snapped it in half.

When one wonders where hate spreads from, it comes from actions, repeated senseless actions.  This induvial is only one of many I have seen over the years, of their given identity type alone, that behaves in this manner.  I have met several others online with similar dreadful interactions with such people.   I have had family accused of things that have nothing to deal with who they are.   Transgenders seem to seek to use their own identifier as a weapon, a bludgeoning weapon, to repeated smack any and all who dare to defy them, and they then sick their posses on them.   This is an act of gang violence/mentality, when their own followers do not have the ability to think for themselves.

This is also the same mentality of many a Republican, who follow and believe things they are told without question of hesitation.  It is ironic to have two opposing sides to behave in the exact same manner.  Because of that, no progress can EVER be made that has meaning.  It only ever stands to bleed further everywhere.  There is no sense of calm or control.

People only ever see and judge based on symptoms and judging things by their cover.  If both sides can't agree to a ceasefire, there will NEVER be a ceasefire.

I would rather approach things with fairness and kindness, but people seem to enjoy brutally murdering common decency.  And then go and seek to blame their own behavior on everyone else.  I've sought and asked for help to put an end to this situation for MONTHS.  But no one cares.  Because no one cares for such extended period of time.   I have no reason left to give a damn what anyone else thinks.  All you are left is a situation continuing to spiral out of control without end.  It is maddening and sickening.  And at his point it is simply being made known just how much without care or caution.  It is a vertebral river of blood.   And that is what these sorts of people seem to love and crave.

With lacking of impulse control or restraint, even my patience has been worn to shreds.  Things have progressed to a point where the damage may NEVER be able to be healed.  Such damage has their actions gone to tarnish my thoughts of many others.  This discord is their lifeblood, to create an unending drama.

ThiNgs just got eleveN percent more awNkward!

Started off awesome, then got to heavy stuff.

Stuff that most people are forever ignorant towards.

No one ever bothers to stop and ask or listen to how what they say and the way they say it and/or their actions make others feel..., and things like that tend to carry and spiral as habits form, until we ourselves become numb too.  Everyone has breaking point.  No one is willing to even understand what a breaking point is.  That lack of compassion is what upsets me the most.

It feels like this moment with Zander and Drayden could be a good CG, something to keep in mind for later.

Lack of positivity, that is a HUGE issue with the world.  Doesn't help either that the world is a confusing place that suddenly expects you to just know what to do.

Oh boy... we get a choice!!! I as myself feel taken to him, in part because a good amount of his personality matches my own.  However would MC exactly feel the same... its a toss up.  When you can't make up your mind on something, you just need to think about it differently or look at another set of variables and narrow things down.

Stress does wonders to make one go crazy...

Hrm... intresting... a shake up outside of the TV..., makes one curious as to how this will affect the cast going forwards!

Never quit, never give up hope, sometimes you just have to try things in a new way.  If it makes both you and those involved all happy, go for it.  Just have to start ignoring the rest...

OH! OHOHOH!!! I just knew it was a matter of time before you made that reference!  After all it could easily be possible that they exist in the same universe!

Damn that "fight" scene would make for a bunch of good CGs!, but would be asking too much to have them here.

OMG! I actually did that to my friend when he did that, but he was to preoccupied to flinch, though I only licked it a few times to tease him for teasing me! XD

Oh jeez you really know how to keep us on our toes and on the mat!  Whiplash!!! XD  Survival training! FT... Not lose?

Hrm... who says locks have to physical? ... But who knows what is really going on for sure...  T B C !

Quick, short, fun, hot, relaxing, fair challenge!

Would of course love to see more of this guy! <3

That is a very sweet CG! <3

I've done that in shower designs I'm not used to many a time..., it does make you jolt!

Wonder what hat tiger looks like..., but I suppose not important

FWISH!!!

Ugg... yeah... can't be certain if your referring to what I think you are..., but that "show" never delivered on its promises...

Next one... sigh skip sigh

SALMON! <3

Got to hold onto to what makes you comfortable, if you can

Ice cream is my staple dessert of choice!

I had wondered if they had forgotten!

Pasta with Hotdogs... reminds me of someone, who reminds me of me

Back to that "show" ... muffled anguished explicatives

Touch can be a good feeling!

Too good in some cases!  Oy...

With so much going on over the time f not hearing from you, I had forgotten that I have been missing you.

I only have myself to blame.

Or do you simply get satisfaction from hurting others while pretending to do your job?

How many people have you know personally who have died? Almost died? Been the victim of neglect or abuse?

How many people out there have you not met yet, that you wish you could have met?

How many people do you truly value or treasure?

In all cases was there something you could have done to help prevent it?

The answer is always yes, because the question is not asking for a guarantee.  There is ALWAYS something to be done to prevent things.

Yet many of us go forth blindly to blame others for own neglect and lack of awareness for the world around us.  Lack of consideration for the time and value we try to invest into things and into others.  Lack of respect for how our actions make others feel or how it makes us think of how we view others.

What good does it do anyone to force our will onto others just because of petty disagreements?  To refuse to let go of something and in turn to hold ourselves and others back? To refuse to listen and take heed, but rather fixate on one little thing like it is all that is important to your life?

People are dying for pointless reasons and I get he feeling that a good number of us don't care even half as much as we claim.  All because it doesn't directly impact ourselves.  What would it take for us to stop taking everything for granted or to think that we deserve things "just cause" of "xyz".  Maybe if we put more effort into those around us, we would not end up feeling so alone, sad, or bitter.

Frustrations stand to mount from feelings of negativity, and without stopping it, they will overflow in some manner small or large and ugly.  It could be something simple or large and blind to just exactly how we are making others feel.  Thus does the cycle spread and repeat.

What do you value most in life? Yourself? One person? or perhaps those who are willing to give others a chance to work things out?

Do you take responsibility for your actions?

Do you seek others for help with your issues to find peaceful solutions?

 Or do you seek to blame others for your own behavior?

Choices choices... we are always making them, even when we feel like we have no choice, for there always is a choice.

Rein in your impulses and keep a level head.  For none of us know jus how far reaching our actions could be through the years.

Minimize your regrets by seeking a way to go about things in a positive manner, for it would help things to go much more smoothly.

There is always a reason for things that happen even if not apparent at first, but without knowing the chain of events, you can only ever judge a book by its cover.

I don't know why either you even bother wasting your time on me?  Are you that bored and hopeless???  Are you that repulsive you like to shove it on others?  Are you so afraid you would take the cowards way out?  Taking the easy way rather than actually trying to deal with and resolve a problem?

You still don't get it.   You seem to only treat others like tools.  If they don't agree and bow to you, then they are your enemy.  Because that is exactly how you continue to present yourself.

It would be great and all, but since I am banned with No Reason Provided what so ever I cannot join.

Now if you yourself feel it best for me not to join, please do say so.

The ongoing issues are nothing shy of refusal to act like an actual human being, all over a petty disagreement of which I tried to drop, but Azzy refused to let go of, and still does.  To this point they have shown blind disdain that has lead to them even having a dislike for you yourself somehow despite being in your server.

Part of rules in many servers are to not bring in outside drama, yet Azzy has REPEATEDLY forced their way into a Mod position and VIOLATED it.

If one wonders why or how certain feelings or images towards things develop, you have a shining example right here on how to create an endless loop by might makes right mentality.

3385!  Simple but fun! the Music really helps! ^^

I see you like Dragonites!

(because I have no good/better options :/)

Wow Azzy I didn't realize you hate femboys in addition to logic and moral compass!

To Ban me from a Server when you hate its owner and think their music is trash?

Why else would you downvote something positive?

I conKur! ^^ *facepaws*

Makes sense!  Sometimes things have to be imperfect at first to make the next time better!  But that only applies to when your not sure how to improve right away.  Also, as I said, the initial sprites of the white female wolf and the tall rude male wolf overlapped at first, as in they were set to the same point on screen, so it looked like he was blocking her, and could not see her expressions.

Maybe an explanation of why he is purple? Like some sort of passed down legend? Answered

Ah! There is a good reason you keep mentioning LotR!

Oh he is cute as well! ^^

That close up pic is superb!

The sprites will need their clothing changes too!

The sprites in ballroom are overlapping! I can't see them both!

Well that was a surprise! XD

And creatures like THAT guy need to learn that things can't be HOW THEY WANT IT AND ONLY THAT WAY BECAUSE THEY SAY SO WITH NO REGAURD FOR FEELINGS OF OTHERS!

Also having someone to help break up the altercations is vital too, not those who would only add fuel to the fire.

Don't be bitchy just because you disagree on something, and seek to use it as an iron fist.

There are a good number of grammatical errors present.  It does feel like there are some areas where there could be more added details, to keep things from sounding flat or bland.  The art is ok, but my only real concern is that it looks like its stretched wide, making the body proportions seem off.  The general story or plot seems good, just lacking some proper details as mentioned.  Even fort he dialogue, its almost there!

If you put effort into this its good for now!  Can fix things at anytime.

Story good, grammar/spelling bad, and art almost good enough.

FWISH! :D   Two hunks!   Smol Kat!   Blending Species???  Big Kat!  Durgns! ^w^

Scenes still WIP but what about Natsume's ceremony too???  And then later... NEEDS CGS NOW! D//: Damn! :/D

Didn't get chance to turn in Eno's 2nd quest since Main Quest took precedence, if there is no way back, make sure to let us know we need to stay, and ask for confirmation as to if we want to leave or want to procced.

Damn Jenny! O//..//O you sure know how to slap breakfast together!

Joys like that o embrace each other, are what I wish more of us could do.

Dammit Fred! >/../<

OOOHHH!!! Very interesting! Makes A LOT of sense!

Sadly pain is the quickest teacher...

Oh wait I get it! Bruce Almighty! XD

Oh Chad... this the Science of Magik!

Well... it IS a cantrip after all!!!

Good Boi!... Good Boi?   Good Boi!!! :D

When you have a slightly sadistic teacher... and a macho student.. hehe ^^;

Mind over Matter!... er Magik!

Sometimes what someone lacks makes them wiser in ways other are not, because something is not taken for granted.

Hard working Bois!

Aww... A CG for the sleepover would be nice! ^w^

Wonder if Thony see Jenny as a second Mom?

Jenny Karma!  Karma Jenny! XD

AWW!! Who is this little cute one!? :D

If the Jenny part was rich, Toto takes the cake!  I'm sure he just loves cake!!! XD

Very raw cake... and not that kind of raw!

W-w-wuh!?   Hrm...  Why?... I have an idea at least...  but does this mean he now gets permission to go around telling others he is alive?  It would only be fair...

Oh Chad... never forget cats have claws!

I think I know where Fred got fighting lust from, but I dread it to be true, as humble and heartfelt as it may be...

When pred and prey roles are reversed! XD hahahaha!   And Pppfffttt!!! I'm dying! XDXDXD

*countless explicatives*

If you know anything about recent going ons in relation to me, then you know I'm dealing with the same ass situation with abuse of power.  It is only further exasperated by the fact that others of same likeness behave the exact same way, such that enough counts, uninterrupted, have occurred to solidify it as a fact even in my eyes.  If a situation is not addressed properly in time, there will be things from which there is little to no coming back from.  For that they all now have my disdain.  The good news is that I feel no reason to actively pursue to cast them all down, that is not my place, my position is only that I have no support, sympathy, or empathy left for them.  May they forever live as walk contradictions.

When angry or upset I too seek to be alone, in part because I am uncertain of my feelings, so prodding is NOT GOOD, as in not having the ability to properly explain myself, would quickly rise to anger and confusion.  It is not desirable in that case to take it out on others, hence why the initial avoidance.

There however is the fact that when you are not allowed to address your problems directly, that it stands to offshoot elsewhere, only getting worse the more times the same situation occurs.  When no one is able or willing to help, that only makes it worse too.  Still in all cases it better to regain calm before one can rationally reason things.

When rules are broken by those that enforce them, the whole system starts to break down and lose it meaning and trust.  It is what makes me sick and makes me angry, when people tread all over the very things they claim to want.

20 CH x 5 P = 100 U   100 U / 12 M = 8.33 Y   ... ... ... o..o   Total?

87 U / 12 M = 7.25 Y Left?

Take your time! ^^     ^^;   *exciting prospects noises*

Hunker for Hunks! Hunker for Hunks! hunker for Hunks!

Sorry, wanted some enthusiasm after not hearing anything fur awhile!  Even more for what ideas you may have!

Do take your time though! Make it something you are proud of!

There was one issue with the steam version though... I clearly romanced Isaac at some point after the first HtH, but the achievement did not trigger.

This isn't so bad since I missed some for the optional achievements anyways, so gives me good reason to play again

I feel like it be very important for anyone to play this game.

Many of its messages are ones I identify with, though sometimes one message can screw another one.

But its all about learning to know which one applies more and when.

But that is a matter of life experience.

Life is all about a little Give and Take.  What makes it bearable is being able to share life and support others.  Sometimes that may even be a complete stranger.

All you "Azzy" have to go off of is one interaction with me.  You know nothing about me.  Nor do I know anything about you.  You shoot things down because they are not of your interest or support your views.  This is the chronic thing I keep coming across on the Web in concern to Trans.  Its nothing to deal with that you are Trans, it has nothing to deal with who you are, it is your behavior.  It is you who condemn and violate your own self.  And instead of helping any sort of understanding why, you would rather push others away.

For a group that desires tolerance and acceptance for differences, you are the first and foremost one to have the LEAST of any.  I don't exactly have full understanding of Genderfluid or Non-Binary either, but not once have they given me grief for my lack of understanding, in fact they had seemed glad to try to educate me.

I listened to the songs Klace featured in this VN.

As is my nature I compare them to many songs I've listened to over the years.

And I find them to match and Sync up.

They have lyrics with range and emotion, they are not just noise, or a relative loop, they tell a story.

Sometimes it feels like the refrain may repeat too much, for my liking, but it is something I have witnessed before, so I can correct myself, it was his choice.

He looked it over to check his work to Confirm that it all lined up with his vision.

Do you hate yourself that badly?  Do you enjoy pain and misery?  Do you revel in causing chaos and discord?

You once again continue to prove me right about you.

And not just that but since that first time, I have met 3 to 10 others who have had similar experiences.

Sudden anger directed at hem for no reason, and punished over a simple disagreement of point of view.

All of them Trans who got angry, half of these people had even considered these Trans friends.

And then the Trans go and burn the bridges like they don't even exist?

Is this the message you want to send out? FEAR!?

Can't Rule With Fear

That is one of the biggest messages I strive to get others to understand

That iron grip is what suppresses freedom and individuality

what is ironic is when its used by those who claim to support it, but behind the scenes supress it and even erase or manipulate evidence

Trying to write their own narrative without any regard for the other party.

While its not great o single others out..., it is the very fact that they deigned to single out and deny me, that I do so.

I'm looking at you "Azzy", who continues to rage and refuses to drop the issue that you created in the first place.

"When lives are lost, resolve is found" its true, but at the same time... What if those deaths had been preventable? What if you could have done something? What if everyone only ever reacts to things instead of taking initiative to prevent things from getting so bad in the first place? Many deaths that happen every day are preventable, and always happen because of some form of neglect, be it by oneself, another, or even a group.

Its true we cannot always be aware of everything at any given time, but that is why awareness must be raised, and people to be educated so that they understand what is going on. Its a struggle when we do not follow through hard enough with our convictions, but at the same time it is only made worse if we overreact. Its the difference between a peaceful protest, and a full blown riot.

What good is it to cause violence because of ones own neglect? That man (Multiple names could go here) could have been saved by anyone, yet they use his own corpse as a reason to cause damages? They are doing nothing but spitting on his grave and condemning more people to similar fates. Not as bad, but they may even try to overhype or glorify their death far more than needed, to make themselves feel more important or special. Yes exceptions can be argued for a myriad of reasons, but focus on what is most important.

Think about what/why the incidents happened in the first place. If people only care after you have died, then they never cared or cared enough in the first place.

Fear and defiance oppose each other.  One must also beware to not have too much pride in themselves, and know some humility.  If we are to ever be equal, we must treat each other as equal.  Part of it requires us to understand each other first though.