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mrkaibot

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A member registered May 31, 2022 · View creator page →

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This is a great addition. I think it balances simplicity, mood, and choice very well. There is plenty for the crew to interact with and enough well-crafted, sparse description to fuel the Warden's storytelling. 

In terms of Polish, the writing/vibes portion is much stronger than the visual style and I think this could really benefit from another layout pass. A few things that can be improved which I think will take it in a much stronger direction:

1. Title logo. It's in a bubbly font, which fits with the water theme but comes off as a bit whimsical. It's jarring when paired with the content of undead, vengeance, and imprisonment. 

2. Font and spacing pass. The text layout does a fair disservice to the strong writing, making it difficult to parse some of the details and confusing to read. This is most evident in the CONTOL DECK section. Ultimately, giving this a strong layout will provide more space in the doc, either for white space, creepy details, or additional art to support the theme.

3. Background art. There is a real opportunity here to give the backdrop a sickly, polluted feeling. I can practially see the shape of a hulking wreck in murky, disgusting slag water as the backdrop. There's a lot of vibe to work with.

4. Clarity on the Corpse of Calypso. Is this a person named Calypso? Is this simply a random crewmember's body that is inhabited by the NSS Calypso's lonely ghost? A little clarity here will prevent the issue from being distracting. If the intent is to be vague, I think walking the reader through that thought will give them permission to answer the question in a way that supports the story. Right now it raises the question in a way that feels like I'm just missing the answer.

OVERALL: This has some enormous potential. It just needs some additional polish and editing and I think this could be a very popular module. 

(1 edit)

Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad the tone landed, that's exactly what I was hoping. I think the infographic is a stellar idea! I'll definitely be revisiting that for the next version. I have a few thoughts on what it would look like already and it's absolutely worth making the space for it.

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I think this is an intriguing idea that deserves more development. I feel that its weaknesses can be boiled down to "not enough content." I can tell there is a very clear vision in mind and there are stories galore in the creator's mind. but I need to see more of that vision before I can really use it in my games.

The overall concept of a planet-sized Kaiju and harvesting the stomach acid which serves as fuel is inspired! I'd love to see what the colony spike looks like, or how large it is, a rough silhouette, something that I can anchor my game to and really feel the setting. 

I suggest approaching the first paragraph again. Distill the details into their most juicy, descriptive components that clearly explain what I'm looking at. For instance, "a lush mono-climate of prehistoric megafauna" doesn't tell me that this is a planet-sized kaiju capable of providing a stable atmosphere while it travels through space, and seems to have been mistaken for an actual planet by the corporation, who stabbed a giant colony structure into this creature. I was able to piece this together by reading the rest of the module, but I think that can land much more quickly and inspiringly if it's rewritten.

The visual design of is delightful, and it makes me want to read it, but it took me a while to understand the setting.

Last thought, I want the setting to have some NEEDS. Will Alonsus Blake hire the crew to sabotage the acid harvesting operation? Has Bakari Malik heard threats from other druids that have become overly zealous? If shit starts to hit the fan, is Carter Jones more likely to go down with the ship or panic and escape as quickly as possible, stranding everyone?

Again, very intrigued by the setting, but I think there needs to be MOAR to really incorporate it.