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Swallow and Kagamitsuki are so loving and insane and ... well they're like Really crazy...

Swallow must be BEYOND TERRIFIED of being abandoned and betrayed and is so full of horrific smiling violence, I am reminded of Suzu's threats from "He Who Tied The Bell" but somehow more intense?   What sort of fear can create that kind of patience and willingness to deal in (give, receive) violence? (Was she truly born like that...)

to me she feels... hollow/dreamlike/lost (like a horrifying reality, not like the cheap flat crazy-in-love characters people write abt for shock value)...  

...and Kagamitsuki seems to think that being on the "giving" side of orders is a kind of freedom (can there be freedom in the imperial court? and what does freedom mean or what is it worth to dogs and kings?) I think emperors too are constrained by political realities and the movements up there ).

But also at the same time she's teasing Swallow  I think?  And looks up to her IMMENSELY... hatred combined with... envy and love. 

Swallow is SO condescending too about the way these mix in Kagamitsuki's heart which is both strangely cute and utterly infuriating (like "need to kill myself or kill you or fuck you right now i'm so angry" levels... ).  I think "i will repay your kindness with enmity" is actually itself a form of kindness though.  How else do you look out for someone besides warning them?

Kagamitsuki to me seems fundamentally self loathing and in her own eyes is unworthy (the loss when she looks at herself) and afraid, which is why she acts so fucking hostile. But obsession with worth and measuring of gains and losses... love is something beyond this... (Kagamitsuki is caught in bitter reflection...)

And so Kaga taking the throne feels somehow temporary to me.  I'm curious what Swallow feels... does losing an arm subdue the "filthy cur"? Does Kagamin truly have the conviction to keep the throne when she seized it out of mistrust and fear? (Or are they working together now? It is possible to run into the arms of someone you distrust...(And why did Swallow call Kagamitsuki a kingmaker? )). Swallow's obscured viciousness and unmoving stubbornness to never be abandoned again is haunting the ending. (Can the mad dog believe that the scheming cat with her own motives won't someday leave her?) To be Polaris, a star in the sky, is to be cold and distant in some sense...

The music is perfect.  Swallow's theme is perfectly dazed(?) and SO fucking sad. And Kagamitsuki's is bitter and contradictory and confused and the flute is sharp like a sword, a heavy warbling of a hopeful almost romantic peaceful playful song turned... sour but fitting.

And the art is GORGEOUS and fits their personalities perfectly. Lazy minister and smiling psycho (affectionate).

I'm so happy they embrace at the end! And maybe smth more (hehe).

Such a whirlwind of every human emotion...

yeah!! tbh a bit confused about the first one but I think I know what you mean by the second! like... to read something with love and see through the ambiguity to the love hidden inside?

woah this is so cool

This is so sweet!!! Emotions come and go, but "you're always you"

This is such a sweet message, it brought a smile to my face and optimism.

The "so anything is fine, right?" twists my stomach up in knots.  And the threat apple makes that kairaishi should never try to escape...  (And apple's voice acting... indescribable)

I think anyone who imagines violence as unidirectional and based on "power dynamics" should rethink things.

Is the "manipulator" more violent than the "manipulated"? I think puppet/eer questions that logic.

But, this is still BL. Even though this seems like an impossible situation (manipulation and entrapment and violent obsessive destructive insanity and self hatred beyond measure)... 

I am holding out hope.

Hey are you ok? Saw you deleted your profile and I'm worried about you.

the auntie and uncle seem so sweet... i think their love means something deep and sincere

if a child soldier only knows the language of violence when he's afraid... I think he should not be condemned for this.

and even if the auntie only loved scion because she was delusional (and could hold on to dreams...)

i think it was not delusional *to* love scion. i think love is real even if/when it is shared delusion. or if it is delusional *to* love, then I think such a world is a better one to live in

this is heartbreaking and horrifying...

i am sad. 

music feels like walking to the gallows or in calculating preparation for an atrocity

the gunshot sfx is so deeply unsettling... each page is a death... death is not even the backdrop (visible, distinct), it's in the page turn (everywhere)...

trying to cut his own red thread like okkotsu...

who is god but the first killer (a "god complex" doesn't compare)

and the like.. class clown goofy fingergun which in this context is just horrendous... like, it's condemnation i think, the kind that makes a mockery of someone's life before they're killed. and then it's pointed inwards... (when faced with ordinary citizens)

what people can say they believe "a criminal" should eat!?

i don't know if the only thing for g. jack is hell. but i think there is a life worth living and people worth knowing for him.

like in Pretenders, i think living is worth killing for (and loving worth living for).

my dad said one thing true: every moment is a crossroads

thank you for reading and reflecting, it's not easy, and thanks for the trust.

(i have let a lot of (metaphorical) dogs out in the (metaphorical) cold, tied some up myself, and ignored most of them!)

i have deep in my heart a viciously ugly streak that thinks a dog should die in the cold or "it'll be fine..."

not happy i'm like this. i think i'm not unusual

i want to be intentional about which strings i pull on (in the myth at the end) but it's hard

ah... 

i think this is more upsetting than rabbitboy... i think maybe this is the most upsetting game you've released

i'm glad!! me too!!! 🥔 🥔 🥔 🥔 

I think it is not the worst of you to love and want love. It may be a curse (the worst (i think it was gojo who said something like this?)) but it is love and a reason to live.

I'm certain (S)he loved you.

The fireflies remind me of what you told me an ego is like: light you cannot capture and hold in your hand rather than a lightningbug you can.

potatter is great :)

i like reading about your day!

The catbox is sealed...

And the sixes, this is the "game" with the whipping girl...

Little suzu... To grow up and become small again..

Still thinking about "do you know the weight of a human life". 

thanks

I wish more people loved animals (people included)

i think you've misunderstood something essential

: o

oh i see! thx :)

ah gotcha

but the methods you tried, that's sincere?

🤔 why do you want people to beg for more of your work?

i don't understand

that was lovely

I'm sorry people misunderstand you. I hope your real luck is also great

love u ❤️

thinking again

i'm not sure exactly in my heart what specific motions produced such anger in me.

but u shouldn't treat a dog like that, and one that LOVES HER.

i think i've had that dog's obedience and cluelessness and love, and so i think in my heart i see me in that dog more than i see u, b/c i've only known you with ur eagle eye vision, legolas. A dog is usually confused. I've only seen you more... feral and cautious than that dog. I don't think i am that dog though, but i am able to hold some rage this dog is incapable of.  

Not to say i don't see you in that dog. What i see of you is not the dog's temperament but i see every other person in the room and think "this person would also hurt my wife". IF they would neglect a dog until it froze, THEN they would surely do the same to you.

thank you too!

really appreciate you thinking deeply about this. I think loneliness and rejection are extremely strong motivators, and can lead to such strong feelings they overcome self preservation

i think the ties and attachments in the myth at the end to me are not all leashes but are more like the "red thread of fate" sort of thing (as...not a normal example, but a different rotation of this concept, see my wife's hitman.drr.ac ). The leash to me is ownership (a leash is designed to be held and to choke whatever (or whoever) struggles), slavery annihilates will. I think there are many ways people are tied together, not all good or bad.

thank you! I'd love to hear your thoughts and emotions if you'd care to share!

The deepest violation and rage; what is beyond a suicide note?

"there are still secrets there for us, trust, trust, there are still secrets in this world." this is true