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Erized

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A member registered Nov 27, 2018

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First let me say, oh my goodness, I absolutely love that Worthington snippet! It's so well-written and bittersweet. He's the gentleman I'm most intrigued to romance in the game, mostly because I love mannered, older/more mature types. The type that desperately hides his love behind the ol' faithful 'propriety' (the type a young lady needs to carefully charm out of his shell), frequently feeling he ought just give up this young persons' game, until he catches sight of the young lady in question and his heart clenches and the world he feels he knows is somehow refreshed and sweetened just by her existence, and he abandons all hope of forgetting her.

He's the type who tells himself it's wrong or foolish to even entertain the idea of pursuing this eligible young lady when there are other suitors closer to her age who would surely be the lady's preferred option. What could she possibly want of him, a man set in his habits and nigh old enough to be her own father?

And yet this 'forbidden', perhaps even foreign depth of feeling only grows more constant and more insistent as the days pass. It is tempered, thankfully, by his ever-present common sense that advises it best he keep it hidden, lest it prove unrequited and thoroughly embarrass himself and the lady both. After all, what indication has she given that such a feeling would ever be returned - he, who is surely akin to little more then a trusted uncle?

So he contents himself in simply cherishing a moment and a word shared with this clever young woman, even in a room full of people. He staunchly refuses to think upon how the shining of her eyes and a mere smile on her pretty lips as she speaks captures his attention so completely that for a moment he forgets the topic they were discussing. And when she falters on her words and colour blossoms on her cheeks at his darkened gaze; when she reaches out to softly rest her gloved hand upon his arm and squeeze ever so slightly, a fleeting touch, he tells himself it's all just the gaiety of the evening, and nothing more. He drags his eyes away and feels a pang in his gut. When a tune is struck up thereafter, he excuses himself for a drink, and as he takes up a glass for her along with his, he sees her dancing in the arms of a young man - one of her suitors. Their forms suit each other perfectly, they of similar heights, so unlike how he towers over her petite form. The idea that he too might invite her into his arms as her younger suitor has, to hold her as that man does and it be welcomed with something other than mere polite regard, makes him feel an utter fool. Of course not. He smiles sardonically, shakes his head, then drains his glass and hers both. Coward. Such a coward.

He feels a sense of relief when he's promptly given a reason to leave, and makes his excuses so he can just as promptly take it. If the young lady searches for him with bright eyes when her dance is done, and if her eyes dim and her exuberance melts away when she cannot find his tall, handsome form among the room, realising shortly thereafter that he did not find her company pleasing enough to wait upon for even a single dance, well, he is used to feeling regret, what is one more?

IDK where I was going with that, or why it got kind of depressing... LOL. Anyway! I just wanted to leave this note to let you know how much I enjoyed that snippet, and that it makes me want to experience more of Mr Worthington's romance as soon as it comes.

I've followed this game from the start, and I really do wish you luck in your continued efforts! :)

Thanks for replying! I'm really glad to hear you're considering offering some more flirt options for MC's with different dispositions.

I felt my MC was quite naturally guided into the stoic & confident personality, chiefly because of the whole growing up alienated by everyone in the village and never really 'clicking' with his dad (both of them having personalities that are not the easiest to get along with), but having a strong survival instinct and having no one else to really lean on, trusted in himself (and yeah, he's lonely af, but he buries that deep deep down under many layers of denial). It ended up fostering an MC who knew what they wanted (at least goal-wise) but was really not used to dealing with being interested in someone romantically, and being completely out of his depth if/when someone actually showed an interest in him, so naturally diverted to what he was comfortable with: acting like a stoic/cold b*stard. The sort of guy who seems like he'd rather be anywhere else but beside the RO, and yet the next minute would risk his life for them (cos deep down he's just relieved he's not alone, and that the RO hasn't already left his sorry ass, but he's kind of socially stunted and way too afraid of being vulnerable and hurt to admit how he feels). ANYWAY...

As you can probably tell, I got quite invested in this story thus far, hence why I thought I'd ask if a 'stoic/unflirty' flirt could be added. On that topic, I also really love me some sexual tension ramping up between characters, particularly when one (or both) are unwilling to admit how they feel/what they want. That's always fun to read!

Since posting my last message I also tried out Oren and the Queen, and they both seem really interesting so far, too. The sparring session with Oren was great! I'm looking forward to finding out more about both of them and pursuing them in parallel playthroughs in future. :)

Good luck with the game going forward!

Hi, I'm really loving this so far (especially Irus!), but is there any chance you could add flirt options for an MC who is more stoic? My male MC is stoic/acerbic and intro but confident and 'unwillingly' attracted to the Ro/s, but the existing flirting options always feel really out of character for him - the shy/intro flirt (he's not shy), or the flirtatious/brazen flirt (he's not flirtatious) - when often the more 'denying how I feel' or 'deliberately being an unpleasant ass because I really hate how I'm unexpectedly feeling right now' option which would suit him better is not a flirt and gives friendship/normal responses. I realise this may be asking a lot, but is there a chance an additional 'flirt' option could be added to accommodate a character who shows their interested in a less obvious way (like, instead of blushing they get annoyed or snippy), with the RO/s catching on and teasing it out of the MC in their own way?
Also, how tall is the prince? because there is a moment where it mentions him tipping my MC's chin up to look in his eyes (when I tried a shy flirt) and I have my MC's height set to 'very tall'.

Awesome! Thanks for your hard work. :)

Hi, I have a problem with the latest update. I noticed that I'd lost all my saves between updates so I started again (not sure why this happened, I hadn't cleaned my browser cache - is it because of a change to earlier chapters?).
Anyway, at the point where you go to Hazel's house and wake up the next morning and go down to breakfast, and are given three options in how you respond to her, all three responses lead to this page. However, as you can see, there are no links to continue, and this is the case with all three options from the previous page so I can't get any further in the story.
I'm not sure if this makes any difference, but I chose the route where you leave Milo in the cage, trick the guards and eventually get directed to Hazel's house by the food stall owner, rather then the route where you leave the cages with Milo and end up at Hazel's that way.
Also, I'm running this on Chrome, but I also tested it on Edge with the same problem.

Are you planning on having any romance in this game?

The Night Market community · Created a new topic Pronouns
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I just finished reading chapter 3, and something stuck out as I was reading. I noticed that while in the presence of two of the characters (any two) they tend to refer to the MC as 'they', regardless of whether they're male, female, or NB. Now, while I'm not usually that fussed about pronouns, it reads really weird to be referred to as 'they' when playing as a male or female, mostly because it makes it feel like they're talking about you as if you're not even there despite literally being right there. I was wondering if it's possible to add, perhaps in a future update, the ability to verify our pronouns at the start so you can code it to say 'she', 'he', or 'they' in the instances where they're talking about you. Alternatively, maybe you could have them just say your name in those instances, instead?
Also, one typo I came across - when Belladonna comes to Hazel's house, it mentions that she's missing the usual 'willow wisps' around her (or something like that), whereas I assume you meant 'will'o wisp' or 'will'o the wisp' (no 's' at the end even when plural)?
Anyway, I also wanted to say that I really enjoyed chapter 3, and all the insight into gates and the importance of the MC. As usual I'm pursuing our dear Warden, Gabriel. I'm enjoying slowly finding out more about him and the other main characters.
Can't wait for more content! :)

Honestly, the story's concept sounds pretty interesting, and the character creator is kind of cool, but it's so poorly written that I couldn't get through more than a few pages. Oh well...

Eh, this game was okay, Bailey was the only thing I actually liked about it. Unlike most other people here I wasn't into Roan at all - mainly because I don't enjoy playing a sub and the humiliation kink doesn't do it for me whatsoever. Lumi wasn't my type either.
The two issues that I had with this game was that the sex was pretty boring and there was no closure at the end with the LIs. Bailey was, as I said, the best thing about my playthrough - I liked his attitude and 'voice' - but even he came across as kind of  half-assed because of the shortness of the game.  Oh well.

This font is incredibly hard to read. Maybe try making it bigger, a different colour, and bold?

Oh I badly want Ramos' next update too - the last part left me so interested to see what happens next. Also Leandros, which I guess will be the next update.

The art in this is super pretty! What will be the rating for the game?

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What do we need to do to get the CGs? Because I just finished Ruben's route and didn't get any CGs whatsoever...

EDIT: Okay, I just read on your Tumblr that the CGs might be added to the game a bit late, I hope this doesn't come across as pushy, but it may be a good idea to mention this in the update about Ruben's route here on itch.io so that people who buy it aren't surprised/dismayed not to find the CG when they buy it. Just a thought.

And I enjoyed Ruben's route quite a lot, by the way. Even got me crying a few times (hit close to home in places). My only slight disappointment was not being able to dom Ruben as a male MC. lol. But otherwise, very well written!

Here's 2 more problems I came across. While in the bar with Sammeul and the bar tender (the second time you come across Sammuel, when you hire him) the bartender refers to my female character as 'he'. Than while talking to Sammuel when he mentions the Yaeldr (sp?) and how they reproduce, he says to my female character 'make sure you wear a condom as they're very fertile'.
There are a LOT of mistakes when you play as a female character. I'd really suggest you have someone go through the game specifically playing as a female to iron them all out, cos I have a feeling I'm going to come across a hell of a lot more (and it really kills the mood to find so many).

Just mentioning a bug I came across (well, several actually). I'm still pretty early on in the game but figured I'd mention it while it was fresh in my mind. I played as a female MC and while on the first planet/city right at the start of the game, I chose to wander the streets. While doing so there was an event where you can meet a homeless guy who's off his face because his GF left him, and if you choose to have sex with him (again, as a female MC) there is a bug during the sex where it mentions MC's p*nis (which my female MC definitely doesn't have and was a real mood-killer. lol).
Second, also while wandering the streets on that same planet, my female MC got referred to as a 'he' several times.
Anyway, not bad so far! It's nice to be able to have access to big sexy bara-style guys as a female MC. I wish there were more games that did it.

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Hi, just wanted to let you know that I'm really loving this game so far! I'm following the Gabriel route with my female MC and really loving the dynamic (love the guy already, especially that aphrodisiac scene!). Hopefully there will be more chances to be disobedient and shake him up, cos that's always hella fun! :D

That being said, I had an observation and idea I thought I'd share. While reading there was one detail that felt a little odd to me (but maybe I'm just misunderstanding), and two instances of it.
The first (well, technically second but it's what got me to thinking) is when you go out to dinner with Gabriel and he asks you whether you want Italian or Greek, I found that a little odd seeing as I thought there'd be more of a focus on cuisines from some of the weird and wonderful dimensions out there, considering the 'otherworldly' setting and the plethora of choice you get in markets? I figured maybe Gabriel would offer some otherworldly choices to MC that are perfectly normal to him by now, see MC's puzzled stare, and then realize that of course MC's never tried these things, and store it away as something he could be the one to introduce her to (maybe when they actually get to have that dinner!). Is there any celestial cuisine in the Night Market (may be a great thing for them to bond over - his memories and MC's enjoyment of a food he loves/loved from home)? Or maybe some foods that can have a weird effect on the human system (good or bad) that could make for a fun/funny/scary scene? In that vein maybe MC can discover they have an allergy to some otherworldly food (to inject some serious drama, including the fear and guilt that RO may feel in having introduced them to the food that endangered their life - even if it was done unknowingly).
The other instance was during chapter 1, when Milo and MC eat Chinese (iirc?) at that noodle stand. Actually, when I first read that I thought there'd be something otherworldly about the noodles that further pushed the idea that nothing is as it seems in this place MC finds themselves. Like making MC feel even more displaced. 
Or am I misunderstanding and human/earth visitors are common enough that earth cuisines is a well-known or even prevalent thing there?
In any case, I figured it wouldn't hurt to mention this, since I think fictional foods are just one way, but a great way, to make a game set in an alien setting feel that much more bizarre/fascinating/interesting while bringing people together in the experience.

Oh! Also, just as an additional note, I noticed a number of spelling mistakes along the way that you may have missed because they may not have been flagged due to being correct words in their own right. Two from the latest chapter that I recall are, 'tress' instead of 'trees' when MC first enters the market to buy clothes, and 'staging' instead of 'staying' when Gabriel is talking about where he came from and why he's no longer there.

Anyway, I can't wait for the next update! I'm really loving all four main characters so far, especially Hazel (who's lovely and still bff material) and Gabriel (best boy)! :)

So glad to see how this game is coming along, and the guys sounds brilliant. As always, I'm crazy for that beautiful not-so-Little John; maybe he's refusing to fight back because he actually wants me to climb him like a tree? :D

Also, the Avalon font is quite cool. I never really thought about the fact that the language would look different in this game, I figured they'd just be writing in "The King's English". But then, I didn't know that the game was set in Avalon, so there's that. Anyway, neat little detail!

I'm also happy to hear you're starting to recover from long-COVID. I finally got past the worst of mine about a month back (it lasted about 4 months), and it was a relief; drinking coffee like mad and still falling asleep constantly got old fast. here's hoping things only get better for you!

I was wondering, will we get a preview of the Nottingham route too, maybe next update? :)

Oh damn! You wrote Not Your Mother's Shire?! Yes, I've played it - great game! Also, Tin Star is one of my all-time favourite IF games. I don't know what it is about Westerns that appeals to me so much (other then the fact that I grew up watching them and there's the nostalgia factor). Maybe the feeling of ultimate freedom? The adventures under wide open skies? A less complicated life? I'm always drawn to them.
Anyway, I really hope to see more IFs from you in future, regardless of genre. Your writing style really works for me. :)

The art in this game looks so dang good - like wow! Especially that we have some chest hair on some of the men! 
Also, will we be able to customise the protagonist in any way? Like choose whether he has glasses, facial hair and chest hair?
In all honesty I'm not that big on what the protagonist looks like, but that's' probably because I love my bara protagonists to be physically big (well, bigger than this guy is) and total doms (which I'm glad we can choose), but as long as he turns out to have a good/interesting personality he'll probably end up growing on me.
I'm deliberately holding off on playing the demo for now, but for sure am gonna buy the game when it's out! :D

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This was a really great game, with only a few small gripes! Also, SPOILERS ahead.

For a start, it was amazingly written, and even more so for the short development time (1 month?!) - that takes serious skill. It was incredibly immersive, and the twists and turns and the emotions that came with them were brilliant. I personally love games that allow you to kick ass without having to worry that you don't have a high enough score in whatever stat to do the action you want - I don't want to have to fuss over stats when I'm enjoying the fight, and this game was great for that. Plus the fights were pretty epic - made the MC feel like a total badass. Also, the characters were interesting, and again it's another testament to the writer's skill that he managed to get us to actually care about them in such a short time. And lastly, THANK YOU for the save slots. That's one of the things I hate most about 'Choice Of' games verses Twine (and why I'm glad you made an exception for your game) - I like to be able to save where I want to, and if that means re-loading after a bad decision, why shouldn't I? I'd prefer to have the freedom of crafting my own immersive experience, and not have to start again if I feck it up or feel dissatisfied. So yeah, thanks!

Now for what was a little lacking. Basically, the relationships and the ending (well, the one I got). The relationships weren't bad per se, but they did feel way too 'sudden'; it would have been nice to have at least one scene (possibly two, even for a short story like this) where we could really spend some time with the character we were interested in and build the sort of rapport that would make sense when MC told whichever one that he/she was interested in them romantically. That being said, I did like what it had, I just wish there was a little MORE of that.

And the ending I got, well, I get the idea of the romanticism of sacrifice to keep the west free (and love it) -- I played the ending where we made a stand against the Sabbat, without the Camarilla, and was romancing Boone as a male MC -- BUT I was bummed that we couldn't have a nice, cliche moment in the epilogue where MC and Boone ride off into the moonlight together (and in that moment find that, surprise! Boone didn't die after all), in their still-free west. It sucked that I had to lose Boone like that, it really did. Was there any way to have a somewhat happy romantic ending with Boone?

Again though, overall this was a really great story. It really made me yearn for some genuine western IFs (the romanticism and freedom of the west and making a stand for keeping it that way), or more along the lines of this. I'm really hoping the author makes some more IF's, maybe one that's a bit longer next time? :)

Ah, okay. Isn't 3 days a bit short for a romance?

So is this game complete, or still just a demo? I've been waiting for an announcement before trying it out, but it would be nice to know either way.

I'm guessing this game has been abandoned, considering the lack of updates on the game itself and the tumblr blog. Bummer... :(

Ah! I didn't know you weren't a native English speaker - I'm sorry if my feedback is a bit harsh. Honestly, for a non-native speaker your writing is quite advanced, especially your penchant for imagery and complex sentence structure. Please don't feel too discouraged for what I said, and just keep writing. You can only get better! :)

Since you asked, I'll give you an example of the sorts of errors in your story, and I'll quote phrases from the start of your story to do it.

Most of the errors in this story came in the form of either:

  * the wrong word. For example: "The Kingdom of Resvenia has always despised magic despite never outright banning them." - 'them' should be 'it', as magic is a thing (it) and not a person (them). Or,

  * odd or confusing phrasing in a sentence. For example: "His room you were guarding just before are now stifling, the air thin yet humming with rising pressure." Would read better as, "His room, before which you'd been standing guard, is stifling; the thin air around you humming with rising pressure." ... or something like that. Or,

  * slipping between past and present tense. For example, "He pushed you aside, rushing into the room" (which is past-tense. pushed = past, pushes = present) is followed soon after by, "You follow him inside, rushing close behind." (which is present-tense. you follow = present, you followed = past). When writing a scene, it's important to stick to one tense only, which is usually the present-tense because the reader is usually reading of something as it's happening. The only exception to this is if, for example, one character is telling another about something that happened in the past, such as, "He walked right past me without even stopping to say 'hello'!". Past-tense can also be used when a character is recalling a memory with some distance, whereas if the memory feels as real as if it were happening now, present-tense is used. Or,

  * punctuation. For example, "How can a curse, let alone magic even enter the palace?" - there should be a comma after magic, like: "How can a curse, let alone magic, even enter the palace?" Because in this phrase the "let alone magic" part is an additional thought added on to the main one which is, "how can a curse even enter the palace?", therefore it needs to be separated by a comma.

But in general your punctuation is pretty good, so that last one is not as prevalent as the other three.

I hope that helped in some way. Don't worry about it too much though, because as long as you get yourself a really good proofreader they'll be able to clear all of that up for you. Hopefully they'll explain the changes they make along the way too, so you can continue to learn and improve on your skills.

Good luck! :)

Damn, I can't wait for MC to be reunited with Harry! My last comment was like a year ago, asking when he was gonna appear, and you mentioned 'next chapter'! (lol) But seriously, what you've added to the story in the updates since has been good, so I can't really complain that I've had to wait for the reunion. I really hope we get to meet him soon!

In any case, this last chapter with Henry and the revelation was certainly impactful, and my reaction/feelings are pretty much on par with what the the person below me said. I felt quite p*ssed off with Henry and Evie; with my MC being quite a free spirit (who's actually not a bad sort underneath) their manipulation and hypocrisy was a bitter pill to swallow, especially after sincerely trying to help Evie and Henry with their "problem". But I guess that reaction was fully intended, and I can't deny that it was effective in getting a result.

Despite the Sister we're stuck with now, I'm hoping our MC can still break the rules from time to time and won't have to depart too much from herself in order not to get exiled (cos I SERIOUSLY love the hedonistic, sassy MC you've let us have)... maybe it's a matter of a bit more finesse and picking our moments? Plus I'd envisioned my MC having reluctantly carried a torch for Harry ever since their fling, so being in his presence 'again' will be very interesting, and I FULLY intend to get that man (Evie be damned). I'm looking forward to his romance a LOT. :D

I like the idea of this game (love playing as a fallen knight), and the game has merit but, as someone already mentioned, you really need to get someone to proof your writing if you want it to get there; there are so many grammatical mistakes that break immersion and flow that I ended up giving up after a few pages.
Good luck going forward, though!

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This is great so far, and I'm really looking forward to reading more! Really loving Eddie (I adore classically handsome guys) and I'm intrigued by Aleksander (any chance he is/could be a romance option? I love stoic RO's).
I did notice some spelling mistakes/wrong words/awkward phrasing along the way, but a beta can fix that up easily enough, so no biggie. :)

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I'm really loving this game so far (I just finished reading chapter 2)! The setting is stunning, and you're great at creating captivating imagery in your writing. All four main characters are really well crafted and feel equally important to the story, and I'm especially loving Gabriel (as a RO), and Hazel (as a bestie). Can't wait to read more! <3
EDIT: Also, that Ambrosia scene with Gabriel was hot. Yesss~ :D

I'm liking this so far, especially the in-depth character creation. The only thing I'm not a fan of is how strongly it dictates the tone of our demon (seeing as I envisioned my demon as much more stoic/cold in nature). But hopefully we'll be able to dictate that a lot more when we take control of our demon.
Other than that, great!

Can you romance either Maria or Roy?

I really love the concept of this story - sounds really interesting and original, and I'm looking forward to seeing where you choose to take it. Currently it's a bit too little to judge or really capture me, but it's certainly not bad for a start.

That being said, it might be a good idea to get a beta reader to correct the spelling mistakes (there are quite a few of them), repetitions, punctuation, and syntax. It's a bit messy, and at times can be confusing and/or really disrupts the flow and impact of the story.

Good luck though!

From what I recall, June likes you right from the start, when you first get on the ship. It doesn't matter if you flirt with him or not, I assume he just has a strong crush, and misinterprets you simply being nice to him as potentially returning his feeling? I'm guessing everyone gets that dialogue and it's not a bug for that reason, but I could be wrong.

I transferred the save folder (from the previous version), which is main game folder > game > saves. Just move that whole saves folder into the newest version's folder in the same place.

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For some really weird reason, when I start the game's .exe on this version, all of the buttons are unresponsive, and I literally have to ctrl+alt+delete just to quit out of the game. I tried both .exe's, and I tried running them as administrator - nothing worked. I'll try downloading the game again - fingers crossed.

EDIT: Okay it turns out that saving over the last version made it unresponsive - I unzipped the game into a new folder, transferred the saves from the older version, and it seems all good. Phew.

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Just noticed Some problems: On starting that 'The Beginning' (below the card on the first page) is misspelled as Begining. I'm using Firefox (not sure if this happens with any other browsers) and I literally cannot scroll down if the text goes below the bottom of the main text box - I have to put it in full-screen to get to that.
Also, can we get an option in the settings to increase the text size (for the main body of writing)? It's a little hard to read.

Hey Ligia! Great to hear the game is making progress (and you write books as well as making the game? Talk about productive!). Most importantly, it's good to hear things are going a little better for you. :)
I gotta say, I'm kinda really psyched about our DC getting a portrait. Out of curiosity, how many portrait variations are we gonna be able to choose between for the DC, and does that allow us to choose their facial appearance and body type? I'm really loving these extra little details that make the game more unique and personalized.
Also, the menu is really cute! I love the fern/vine - looks like something Matti would wear. :D
Can't wait for the next update. Until then, please continue to look after yourself!

If I recall correctly, 1.02 was the last free public update - from then on it's been Patreon or itch.io paid only.

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Ah, thanks for the tip! One other thing, I noticed there's no 'exit/quit' button (unless I'm blind or something). Obviously that's not an issue in window mode, but in fullscreen you have to change the setting back to windowed just to exit the game.

Hi, I was just wondering, is there any chance we could get an option added to the game settings that allows us to alter the speed with which the text appears? I'd really like the option to be able to have the text appear instantly, as I tend to read faster then the text appears and having to pull myself back sort of disturbs my immersion.
Other then that, I'm really loving the game so far! :)